To think this was a dick-ish thing to say?

[chancerprancer]

DH related to me how in a business meeting he described a particular niche market in a particular city as "like a women's toilet" he meant as in "everyone knows everything" and people gossip etc.
He was quite pleased with himself.

I was a bit
I asked if there were any women present in the meeting (there weren't) and suggested this was a weird thing to say, a bit sexist and how would he know what ladies toilets are like anyway.

It's stuck with me and is really irritating me. He has form for saying stupid things, as our marriage goes on I'm finding myself less tolerant of this.
English is his second language but he's been here nearly 20 years and I'm not sure that's an excuse here
AIBU?

IDoDaChaCha it would be nice to live in a world where a joke about women by men, or men by women doesn't have to mean the person is some sort of raging sexist

I'm not trying to have a go - but am a bit flabbergasted that these lazy stereotypes exist. I have been known to go to a bar...on a Friday night...and a bit more frequently in my youth! And still cannot relate to going to the loo with someone else or recognise that as something the majority of women do.

As I say, maybe some do - great, whatever floats your boat - but applying that to an entire gender is odd and a bit offensive.

Serialweightwatcher I find that requests to adjust attitudes to be more equal are often met with a suggestion you're being hysterical or unreasonable. If you look back at major historical events to do with equality of all kinds they were all initially met with strong opposition which included accusations of hysteria at the lower end of the scale and violence at the top end. People don't like change. But you can't hide from it by suggesting that everyone who supports change for more equality thinks everyone else is some sort of raging sexist it's a weak argument.

At first I'd think that's a bit dickish.

But really, what's wrong with it - women do have a bit of a gossip in the toilets! I know it's a generalisation, but Christ, we need to stop being so bothered about men and women being different, generally. I like being different to men - we're better don't forget!

I might generalise, but at work I have noticed other the years that: upset women go for a cry in the loos, and sometimes find a friendly shoulder there. Men go to the nearest pub or cafe, again sometimes with a friendly shoulder there too. Ask your DH how many men crying in the loo they 've seen?

coddiwomple it's these types of generalisations that quietly keep gender equality from progressing. If men were encouraged to be more open about their feelings there wouldn't be such a high incidence of suicide amongst them, especially in teens. Gender equality isn't there being no difference between men and women, it's us being equal in our genders not less than each other for a any reason. I don't know why this is something you would resist...

Sounds like "mens locker room" would have been better, but no doubt he would object because men dont "gossip", they "talk"

I am not resisting anything, just stating a fact. I have never prevented a man to cry in his loos if he felt like it!

I just don't feel that being different and recognising our differences is making us any less equal, the opposite is true.
it's the same with your kids: you recognise their various strengths and weaknesses and work with or around them, it doesn't mean they can't achieve the same results. It would be foolish to pretend they are the same.
Don't be annoyed with people stating facts, be annoyed with the ones who are acting in a stereotypical way (I don't feel you should, nothing wrong with women gossiping, but if it irritates you it's them you should address).

Nope, don't go to the loos with other women. Maybe when a teen or early 20s but I should imagine men wouldn't want the habits of their teen years extrapolated as being common and laughable behaviour of their entire gender.

Op your dh sounded weird. And I wouldn't have had a clue what he meant. Humour should be carefully curated in a work environment!

Well coddi that's exactly it. If you or anyone else wants to go to the loo with a friend then I'm not going to object or try to stop you. But to say that's the case for all women simply because of their gender is, frankly, as bizarre as thinking all your children should have the same same strengths and weaknesses because they're children.

Anyway, sorry for derailing a bit op - will leave this thread alone now!

It's the 'I'm just stating a fact' that I can't agree with. I've been using women's toilets all my life, in offices, bars and clubs, shopping centres, museums, you name it, and I've literally never stopped for a gossip or particularly noticed anyone else doing it. I really, really haven't. I've heard a lot of people saying it happens, but I haven't seen it happen. So while I'm not doubting that some women do it, it's not a fact that women as a whole do it, or that women as a whole are different from men. I'm not refusing to recognise a difference, I'm refusing to accept a generalisation that my experience doesn't support.

Fine, but my experience is completely different. Through university, at work and after work, in airport, I see women going as groups in the toilets. I can't really take a photo for obvious reasons, but I guarantee the loos at work will be gossip/ make up station from 3 or 4pm this afternoon.

It baffles me when I see women with buggies in shopping centre toilets. One could keep all the stuff outside which would make it easier for the other, I don't really understand why they must go at the same time together to keep chatting in the queue.

I would get dragged to the toilet in youth clubs/pubs/clubs by friends who had to tell me something urgent and dramatic, usually about boys, when we were about 15. So in that sense yes it was a good place to air secrets. As an adult I spend as little time in public toilets as possible!
In films and sitcoms it's quite often a secret sharing place- with someone listening from inside a cubicle of course.
I'd be annoyed too. I do like a chin wag and have many secrets shared with me, but not in toilets.

It's typical of people who speak English as a second language tbh, they never understand what's not appropriate to say. For example, a German man I used to work with was often hugely inappropriate in his humour. I remember him saying to me, 'Have you had a successful download? 50 mil?' after I'd been to the toilet. I cringed and thought, 'that's why you're single still.' He's since got married, to a lady who also speaks English as a second language.

Where your DH is concerned, it may be worth saying to him that he should steer clear from humour when speaking English, especially in business meetings.

coddiwomple you're saying I'm annoyed. I'm not annoyed at the debate or at anyone in particular. I'm not annoyed at all. I refer back to when I was talking about change, and people's resistance to it which causes them to accuse the ones seeking change of hysteria or a variety of negative behaviours. This is not the case. I'm putting across my opinion and there is no overly emotional overtone. I'm just persistent, because it's something I believe in. I said that gender equality doesn't mean that differences between the sexes aren't allowed. Just that equality for all is preferable. Which brings me back to gender stereotypes being unhelpful for the progress of gender equality.

It's typical of people who speak English as a second language tbh, they never understand what's not appropriate to say. For example, a German man I used to work with was often hugely inappropriate in his humour. I remember him saying to me, 'Have you had a successful download? 50 mil?' after I'd been to the toilet. I cringed and thought, 'that's why you're single still.' He's since got married, to a lady who also speaks English as a second language.

Eww!
He's a tool and I bet he'd be a tool in any language!

English is my second language and when I first moved to the UK (23 years ago) I got things wrong. The most difficult thing are sayings/proverbs and colloquial expressions. I used to say 'I'm so pissed" when I meant 'pissed off' (but soon learnt). And to be fair, that's an Americanism rather than a false translation.

It baffles me when I see women with buggies in shopping centre toilets. I do this. I'm on my own with a (large for her age and physically strong) 18 month old who I'd rather sat in her stroller until I can strap her to the changing table, than wandered around touching things and the floor in an unsanitary place like a public toilets.