I've just come back from a week away with my parents. I do usuallly keep contact to a minimum that I can handle as my mother has form, but this was a holiday for the kids.
The holiday was at our friends' villa with a pool. Dh and I were very clear before we went that I would be mainly relaxing while he did lots of swimming with the kids, playing pool, table tennis etc. I obviously joined in at times but this was what we BOTH wanted from the holiday.
I have terrible mental health and have reached a good balance over the past year by knowing my limits, getting plenty of down time (alone time included) and generally looking after myself. My mum claimed to be totally on board with this.
During the week I made sure I kept everything tidy, prepared meals and cleared up and paid more than our share for meals out etc.
Throughout the week there were a few snipes, mostly 'banter' about how good DH is to me (he is!) and what a princess I am. When I was cleaning etc I got 'oh that makes a change'. Mum regaled our friends with tales of my slatternly ways, that all I do is watch tv all day while DH slaves (not true!), that I'm lazy and would be better off getting a job (categorically not true). That my house is a constant mess (it's not, but my mother is totally anal about cleaning and tidying). By the end of the week our friends had started to join in, one night I said at dinner (late) that I was looking forward to bed and our host said quite pointedly that I needed to wash up first as mum had helped cook. I would have done anyway, so it stung a bit and I'm sure came from my mum needling.
On the flight out I sat with the younger kids and dh sat behind. On the way back he asked if he could sit with them so I sat across the aisle. Cue a tirade from my mum about how I've done no parenting all week and now I'm palming it off again.
All the way home her 'banter' morphed into out and out slagging, apparently I wasted two whole days because I was hungover. This is absolutely not the case, they were days following 'big' days, one a party and one a morning walking round a very busy market before walking into the village and having a long meal before walking back. Yes I was drinking, probably not as much as everyone else tbh, but I wasn't hungover. I was wiped out and so I had two restful days but I still participated, I just took time out in the afternoons to sit and read and sleep. Which is exactly what we'd explained I'd be doing to avoid a horrible crash.
There's more along the same lines but this has got very long already.
When we got home my lovely MiL had taken several loads of dirty washing to their house, washed it, ironed it, and brought it back (they were in feeding the cat) and I just lost the plot. MiL meant it kindly but it just tipped me over.
Is there any way I can stop people thinking I'm lazy? I have been called lazy my entire life by my mother in particular, but also my whole family and family friends, and despite my best efforts to prove I'm not, nothing ever changes.