To want to ban "why did you"/"why didn't you" on this site?

[TheFifthKey]

It's on every thread now, and it's so annoying. It's just a way to feel superior to OP, usually. And some of them are just bloody ridiculous - "why didn't you anticipate a comet falling on your car as you were driving home and bring a spare car? That's what I would have done".

The thing is, whatever the OP could or should have done, whatever might have been the sensible thing or the best thing or the right thing, they didn't do it and that's why they're posting. And as turning back time isn't an option, it doesn't actually help to tell them what they should have done. Advice along the lines of "next time, it might be an idea to...", is ok, or "this happened to me, so I...". But the "why didn't you" posts are really putting me off reading threads now. Sometimes the stretches people go to are just insane, as well. If you're about to post a sentence like that, please, stop and think, is It helpful? Or are you just trying to stick the boot in?

It's not even grammatically correct

A lot of people change after children. It's easy to be equal when you're both working and have no kids. It's only when maternity leave starts, it all breaks loose - you're at home all day, I'm tired, I've been at work all day

Yeah true there are ways to phrase it, and context is everything. I don't think saying 'I could never marry a man like that' or similar is necessarily unhelpful either. Sometimes posters need to see that something isn't normal or acceptable and a lot of people wouldn't stand for it. You can say it kindly though.

A lot of people change after children

And lots were much the same before children. The most annoying are the ones who complain about the dickhead who already had kids before her, and he was a dickhead to them too. Well big surprise he's not dad of the year to yours then!

Oh behave with the "victim blaming"! A woman who marries a dickhead, knowing he's a dickhead, has dickheads children and then comes on to moan about how dickish said dickhead is is not a victim. And they are to blame, much of the time. Why do so many of you think women are not responsible for the choices they made?

Because many men, especially serial abusers, don't show their true colors until the woman is well and truly ensnared. It's all part of the routine! If they started out cruel, useless and abusive, no one would ever date them.

Why is it the woman's responsibility to predict the future harm or upset he could potentially cause, based on him putting his best foot forward in the honeymoon period, based on what he lets her see in the beginning of a relationship? Why isn't it ever his responsibility to just not be a dickhead?