To think it's weird, if not rude, to call people by their last names alone

[UmmKultum]

We have a new admin guy at work. It's a pretty diverse international place and I think he's from Central Asia somewhere. He's taken to sending emails addressing people by their last names alone. Apart from the fact that the organization tends to be pretty informal, surely you put mr/mrs etc in front of the name?!
So he says Dear Jones and not dear ms Jones. I answered him that he could call me my first name to which he replied he prefers to not move to a first name basis yet . I then replied (as a ps to a longer email) that I would therefore prefer he use ms or dr (I have phd but never usually use the title but, hey, if we're being formal). He's now replied pointing out that we have never met (although with no salutation at all!).
Aibu that this is a little bizarre? Isn't it a little rude to just call people by their last name? Makes me think of the army or prison!!

Yeah ok

Read your own statements OP, and then tell me that you're not being prejudiced.

Isn't it a little rude to just call people by their last name? Makes me think of the army or prison!!

Anyway, poor guy has just written back telling me no disrespect was meant

I wonder how he'll address me when I meet him in person!

It's a bit strange because he is actually quite junior

pointed out that in MY culture using people's last names alone is associated with the military and prison and that I don't like it

I'm sure it's not rude if you do it to make kids laugh

I am still laughing at whoever said the military do this. In 16 years I can promise I have never received an email addressing me by my surname only. . Not once out of thousands and thousands and thousands emails. Always by rank and surname if known, or (yes it does piss me off) addressing me as 'Sir' if not. (Because y'know, someone in a position of authority has to be a man, right?) The more particularly army barmy even answer the phone like it too ( to which I inevitably drawl 'close, but no cigar. This is....' I always get an apology.)

Glad you got it sorted out op. Are you still smarting about the age thing?

I don't see that the OP is discriminatory.

If we were working abroad (and I did, for many years, in countries with their own different customs) most of us would do our polite best to observe local niceties. When in Rome, and all that...

motherofdragons is right. It is offensive in the U.K. It implies the inferiority of the person being spoken to. Prisoners lose the right to be addressed by salutation as their crime has rendered them judged inferior. Even the public school address system is based on that as it is based on the fact Masters called children by their surname to emphasise their authority over pupils and superiority in that setting. Often this was an important distinction to make as they would frequently be addressing children who in other situations would be greatly their social superior.

TwitterQueen, that stuff about diversity is crap. The most important thing about diversity is that it should allow for a workplace where everybody feels that cultural norms which are important to them are respected and they feel comfortable. In this case it's going to mean that this chap is gently explained to about appropriate forms of address and asked to bear this in mind when addressing others. The feelings which are most important are always those of the addressee and not the addresser, because it is their social status and standing which is implied in the address and therefore their choice.

If this chap objects to being called his first name he has every right to do that, but he doesn't have a right to address others in a way which can cause offence.

It's not just a matter of culture, it's a matter of competency. An admin assistant who addresses a CEO as 'Shazza' or 'Bazza', fills their email with emojis and signs off with kisses would be underperforming in the same way if they continued to communicate in that manner after the inappropriateness had been explained.

Not to mention that if a customer is offended no amount of 'it's diversity, you're just prejudiced' is going to win back their goodwill

After many years in many countries i have been called so many variations of my names, titles, pronunciations etc that i dont really care.

Youve also now opened up a big can of worms and youll need to explain how and when to use miss, mrs, ms etc as he wont know

It's also a very old-fashioned mode of address. I remember reading short stories written in the 1930s where the female characters did this.

MargaretTwatyer
You misunderstand completely. And no, all that stuff about diversity is not crap.
The OP asked the question:
AIBU To think it's weird, if not rude, to call people by their last names alone

The answer is: no, it's not weird, and no, where different cultures / practices have different norms, it's not rude either.

At no point have I said that the practice should be encouraged or that others should not point out that it is not 'the norm' here in the UK for example.

My plea for understanding, accommodation and embracing other people's 'normality' is clearly falling on deaf ears here.

Yes it might be the norm wherever he's from, but OP has politely explained that it's not a done thing here, and given 3 options that would be acceptable. He keeps arguing.

How can this not be seen as rude?

Thing is, if you've been brought up to think that the "done thing" is a certain form of address, it's actually quite difficult to change, because it's become instinctive (so you don't naturally catch yourself doing it) and because anything else will feel uncomfortable and wrong to you.

Especially as it's probably just one of a million little differences he's having to try to remember... It took me several years after moving abroad to get address reliably appropriate.

Even people who are doing their best to observe local niceties will generally get it wrong initially quite a lot of the time because it's quite hard.

But he didn't respond with 'I'm terribly sorry, it was a slip up. This is how we do it in my home country and I sometimes forget'. He said, no, I'm going to continue to do it my way regardless.

He's showing the kind of cultural insensitivity people complain bitterly if British people do in reverse. If a British person went to Asia and persisted in deliberately using first names despite the inappropriateness being pointed out to them and direct requests to stop I think all of us would agree they were being a rude ignorant boor. I don't think many people would be pleading for understanding in that case and if after guidance from a line manager this man continued to do it he would be no less rude, ignorant and boorish.

It's a case of 'I have no respect for or truck with your funny foreign ways'. It's basically implying that the other culture is ignorant and backwards because they don't have the same practices as your own.

There are plenty of foreign cultural practices which are absolutely unacceptable in a U.K. cultural environment. A big one I have come across is the practice of men ignoring female senior managers to address all their responses to less senior males. Sympathy with people finding their way in an unfamiliar environment does not extend to those who are knowingly flouting cultural standards because they do not respect them or care about any offence it may cause their colleagues. It's the exact opposite of diversity which seeks to create a working environment which is comfortable and respectful for those of all cultures.