To ask about wedding plus one

[sadmonkey1]

Sorry if this has been asked a million times!

DP has been invited to wedding of a school friend whom I have yet to meet (they live quite far away). We have been together 3.5 years. It is just DP named on invitation.

Would it be extremely rude for him to ask whether this invitation includes me? Don't want to put friends in an awkward position by asking or assume the wrong thing. Asking on DP's behalf!

I think you should assume you aren't invited, and he should RSVP something like "Yes, I'll be there". There's very clear ways of communicating that partners/OHs are welcome.

I would assume it was for dp and wouldn't ask them about it tbh.

They would have made it clear if it was for a +1 as well.

If it just has his name, I'd assume you're not invited. I wouldn't ask, either, it'll be awkward for them.

Enjoy an evening in to yourself!

I would assume only your dp is invited, which I think is understandable weddings are expensive and the couple have never met you.

An invite would definitely say if a plus 1 was included

Sorry, think it's just for your dp

You aren't invited. Your DP is the only one named on the invitation and so he's the only one invited.

It would be incredibly rude to ask for an invite to the wedding of someone you've never even met.

Seems fairly unanimous that it is likely just for him which is fair enough!

Thanks, everyone.

Eastdulwich, that sounds like a great idea!

I think it's incredibly rude to invite someone and not their partner to a wedding. I get that weddings are expensive but better to invite fewer people in that case than to deliberately only invite half of a social unit.

I think it's incredibly rude to impose your own social unit on someone else's day, personally.

I would always invite someone's other half if they otherwise wouldn't know anyone, but I would be damned if I would invite a plus one I'd never met bumping someone I genuinely knew and liked off the invite list, especially if the person would see lots of their friends at the wedding themselves anyway!

Plus I hate wedding hoopla anyway, can't imagine why you'd want to go to the wedding of someone you didn't know.

When we got married we decided we only wanted people we knew and loved there. And we made sure our invitations reflected this. As it turns out only one of my oldest friends who was not in a serious relationship ended up with out a plus one. I spoke to her and explained why and she was happy with that especially as her mum and sister were invited and she knew everyone on my side.

I think it's a bit rude to expect someone to travel to your wedding without extending the invitation to a plus one. I realise that many others disagree with this though. I wouldn't fancy travelling a long distance to a wedding of an old school friend without my DH, unless I knew lots of other people going. I only had one school friend at mine, as our wedding was small. She didn't really know anyone else who was going so obviously I invited her DP too

DP will know a few others going and should have a good time with them so there won't be an issue of him not knowing anyone.

It's only polite to ask if it is likely that you were also invited (e.g. If you are married or the invite stipules X and family).

My DP got invited to a wedding earlier this year in Scotland (we're in the south of England) but misread it/ assumed I was invited so we both booked flights and a hotel. Flash forward to a couple months before the wedding and I pick up the invite to send our meal preferences to see that my name is most definitely not on it.

It was incredibly awkward and ended up with me spending a weekend in Scotland mostly on my own while my DP attended the wedding

I think if you're not on the invite, you're not invited although I do think it's rude not to invite partners, especially when they're long term as you two are.

I would assume you aren't invited.

Personally if a friend of mine had been with their DP for 3.5 years I would invite them along with my friend whether I'd met them or not, but not everyone feels that way.

It's just for him. If you live together I find this strange but each to their own!

I think it's incredibly rude to invite someone and not their partner to a wedding

We had been married for two months. His friends had a party (hired hall, DJ and buffet) the invite just had DH on. He asked them about me and DS (his stepson) and they said only DH was invited, I was welcome but they felt funny inviting my DS as DH wasn't actually the biological father! DS was 7 at the time and we've been together since he was 3.

Needless so say, that friendship soon fizzled out. They apparently struggle with the role of Stepparents, doesn't sit comfortably with them and they basically find it odd that DH has never expressed wanting children yet all of a sudden was prepared to "take us on"

I had never heard of the "no ring no bring" rule until I read threads about Pippa Middleton's wedding, but that's just rude. If you are actually married, it's even worst, who doesn't invite partners anyway?

If I receive an invitation not including my DH, I would decline, it's just weird. I am happy to go to weddings on my own when he's not available though!

Britt bugs- unfortunately that attitude is not uncommon.
I've heard people say things about stepchildren in a 'why is it an issue for you, you dont have a child ,' way to friends with stepchildren living with them.
I am firmly of the opinion that a plus one should always be invited.
Whether someone is married or not is irrelevant.
I know plenty of long time marrieds where the marriage is a sham. Likewise I know many unmarried couples who are blistfully happy.

My ex in laws only invited 'blood' children to certain family events. Neither myself or brother in law were invited despite the fact we had been married for years. Apparently we weren't 'blood' so didn't count.

My ex in laws only invited 'blood' children to certain family events. Neither myself or brother in law were invited despite the fact we had been married for years. Apparently we weren't 'blood' so didn't count.

My ex in laws only invited 'blood' children to certain family events.

How sad, but I hope the "blood" children kicked a fuss, I would if my DH was excluded, let alone any of my kids.

I think as a rule if someone is living with their partner, they should both be invited. I also don't think there's anything wrong with asking if you can bring a partner. I'd phrase it carefully and make it clear that I completely understand if it's no, I understand that there's a lot of planning etc and make it clear that I would still go myself either way. If they say no fair enough I wouldn't be offended.

Not a wedding, but a 21st birthday dinner: only family (parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, the lone cousin) and the birthday boy's two besties. A sit down meal in an expensive restaurant that I was paying for.
The dratted cousin insisted on bringing her latest squeeze that we'd never met before and who has since disappeared off the scene. I wasn't best pleased and really begrudged the presence of an "interloper" - it wasn't even about the additional cost, it's just having this "random" bloke in our family photos.
Obviously there are far more guests at a wedding, but I can understand people wanted to know those they have invited.

Do they know you are his partner? If so then I think it's rude not to have invited you.