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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

1yo Tantrums

31 replies

JanuaryOwl · 22/08/2017 18:26

Did anyone else's DC's start having tantrums at 1 yo? DD turned one last month and she's getting worse and worse.

Just now she tried to get my phone off me, I said here have this (a toy) and she slapped me repeatedly in the face. So I firmly said no and put her down on the floor, so she runs over to the TV and repeatedly smacks it, screaming!

I'm at a loss, she either slaps me or laughs when I'm firm and screams even more if I try to distract her!

OP posts:

Lalalax3 · 22/08/2017 18:27

She's 1?! What are you expecting her to do?!

solarisIsAClassic · 22/08/2017 18:42

It does sound unusual for the age.

Get through the screams. Firm, fair and consistent is all I can say.

GenevaJoey · 22/08/2017 18:45

My one year is headed that way. She screams if I've say no to something or she doesn't get her own way... Thought I had more time before the tantrums started. Apparently not...

Bejeena · 22/08/2017 18:45

Not an expert but think if she is trying to get your phone off you then she just wants your attention as opposed to your phone getting it. When you are not holding your phone she probably has your attention doesn't she?

Original poster

JanuaryOwl · 22/08/2017 19:04

No she wanted the phone not my attention, even if I wasn't on the phone she'd still be after it or climbing up the sofa to get the remote controls off the windowsill 😫 If I say no, which is sometimes needed she will scream, smack and even bite me. If I'm holding her at the time she will pinch my face with both hands! I understand she's frustrated but I've never seen this before with someone so young (I used to CM)

OP posts:

anotherAnotherUsername · 22/08/2017 19:09

Bejeena seems to make a fair point. You talking about remotes too seems to suggest what a typical day for her tends to be.

Nuttynoo · 22/08/2017 19:13

Stop giving her your phone or the TV to pacify her and she'll soon stop. My neice was the same - addicted to the phone as sister would give it to her to calm down before bed, and so she never learned to self-soothe.

Shedmicehugh · 22/08/2017 19:14

Try not to take it personally! Frustration is a big emotion for one year to handle.

If she starts hitting you/others/TV etc take her to a quiet place until she calms down

If you are worried about the intensity or frequency of the tantrums, go see your GP.

Shedmicehugh · 22/08/2017 19:16

Also if the word 'no' is a trigger, don't say it! Just remove her and try distraction.

Original poster

JanuaryOwl · 22/08/2017 19:17

Wow so because I have a mobile phone and a TV that must automatically mean that's all my daughter has in her life... Oh do fuck off, perfect parent preachers

OP posts:

solarisIsAClassic · 22/08/2017 19:25

ask for help -> get help -> be unhappy with the advice

and DH wonders why I find AIBU so compelling!

MarcelineTheVampire · 22/08/2017 19:30

OP my dd was the same. She has now outgrown the hitting now she can communicate better....it's tough but you will get through it.

Be consistent and remember they really can't show their frustration in any other way- try your best to be patient (I have no idea how I remained so calm when being whacked continually in the face but I did)

Nomoreboomandbust · 22/08/2017 19:30

Love really people are giving you their advice which you asked for.

My dgs had had s first tantrum yesterday, it's a milestone don't dread it. Deal with it. If they don't tantrum they arnt developing.

Firm consistant, airy and remember you have all the cards as you are the adult!

It's not personal It's not naughty but you have to control behaviour.

It will pass. I too was a cm but thankfully after I had my 5 kids

Relax

BumWad · 22/08/2017 19:32

Wait till she's 2. It's painful

Rainatnight · 22/08/2017 19:35

Mine is 14 months and started a few weeks ago. I thought I had some time left before it kicked in!

There are lots of good threads on here about coping with toddlers. Lots of people recommend Janet Lansbury and I found her website useful this week (which has been a bit tricky!).

I decided to be really very firm about biting and hitting. Even Penelope Leach, who's normally a big softie, recommends putting her away from you for a moment (eg down off your lap) and saying a very firm 'no biting!'

user1474026214 · 22/08/2017 19:59

I can understand why you were upset op about one of the judgemental replies, but do ignore it as it was utterly unhelpful.
As other more helpful posters have said, say no firmly and her down when she bites or hits, and then distract her so she doesn't repeat it straight afterwards (they don't have impulse control at this age but it is totally appropriate to be told no and then be distracted). My daughter did this for a while at a similar age but has got so much better. It was always worse if she was tired or teething, as if she couldn't articulate the discomfort so the hitting and tantrums were the only way she could express herself.

Rainatnight · 22/08/2017 20:02

Ps it's also worth trying to 'design out' as many of the frustrations as you can, especially at this age, where their free will is waaaaay outstripping their cognitive ability!

So for instance, if my DD can't cope with not having the phone, it disappears.

And pick your battles. I decided I didn't remind about playing with the remote per se, just the jumping around of channels, etc! So the battery lives in my bra for most of the day (I don't BF), goes in to the remote to turn on In the Night Garden, and then back in my bra. Takes 20 seconds and it removes a source of frustration.

Rainatnight · 22/08/2017 20:03

mind not remind.

Grenoble124 · 22/08/2017 20:06

My lb started having them around ten months. HV said it is normal and not challenging behaviour. She advised me to distract and remove temptation. 14mo now and we have little ones most days more when tired teething etc. Too young to know right from wrong.

Lalalax3 · 22/08/2017 20:15

Honestly, at one year old your child does not know right from wrong. It's your job to gently restrain her if she's hitting you, and to remove objects from her grasp that you'd rather she not grab. That is all you can do.

deadringer · 22/08/2017 20:19

You mean you have a remote control and like an actual TV? And a phone? Your poor neglected baby!
Not all kids tantrum, 3 of my 5 never did but when the other two went into meltdown mode I pretty much ignored them til they stopped. No way I would have let them pinch or bite me I would put them straight down. If they were losing it as pp bring them to a safe quiet spot until they have calmed down and distract them if possible. My mantra was distraction distraction distraction.

splendide · 22/08/2017 20:23

Yeah you really can't teach at that age, you need to keep things out of reach. There's no harm in saying a gentle no as well or I used to say "that's not for DS".

With the hitting I was advised by a woman at nursery to give an alternative which worked amazingly well. So DS used to claw/ hit at my face when he was excited or cross (at around 10 months). I would just hold his hand, stroke my face with it and say "be gentle with mummy". It worked like magic! He started doing the stroking instead of the clawing!

firawla · 22/08/2017 20:24

Some children go into the tantrum phase earlier OP hopefully it means she will get out the other side quicker too! Distract as much as poss and maybe keep stuff out of her line of site (remotes etc) if it triggers her to madly start going after them, but my eldest started the tantrum phase early around 14 months ish too and by the time he got 18 months ish and had a few more words it was much better. (He's 9 now!) I think it's a tricky age around 12-18 when they really know what they want but often can't express so well yet, so they just get really frustrated. Around that age I just started getting him out the house as much as poss to children's centre and parks to fill up the day and keep him busy which really helped

Newdad19 · 22/08/2017 20:25

Actually mortified for the total morons judging you because you mentioned a tv and a phone. It's hilarious the conclusions some people jump to about your parenting from literally a couple of lines of info you gave. For all we know you could never use your mobile/remotes and the whole novelty of it is whats attracting her. Ignore the unhelpful replies.

To answer your OP - our boisterous 2.5yo was the same at 1. We were similairly caught off guard not expecting it so young but I think they're all developing mentally and physically at different rates and so some kids seem to hit this phase earlier. Very normal (albeit challenging!).

Greyhorses · 22/08/2017 20:38

My sons two favourite toys are the remote and my mobile. I have no idea why he wants them all the time. I must also be a bad parent OP

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