Fiancé wants to move in

[notsosupermam]

Hiya, just after some advice really please as I really don't know what to do for the best here. I've been with my fiancé for 2 years, engaged for 1 and we are planning to get married next year. Anyway, we don't live together as yet, I live alone with my 5 year old dd and 13 yr old ds.

He would like to move in with us and that's where the problem lies. I work part time and claim working and child tax credits, although I do plan on finding full time work when dd is a bit older.

Due to his earnings I would probably lose all of my tax credits when he moves in and I want to work out how is fairest to split bills, etc. Also is it really unfair of me to expect df to help me cover any of the losses of tax credits incurred until I find full time work?

Any help is gratefully received, thank you in advance.

I think you're both rather foolish to have agreed to get married without trying living together first.

If you are engaged and live together it shouldn't be a matter of "making up for lost tax credits", it should be a matter of being a team.

But you will have another income coming in won't you?

Why can't you go FT now? If your youngest is 5?

Put it all into a joint account would be easiest way of doing this.

If you are soon to be married you will be an official couple, surely that means blending finances?

Shouldn't you have discussed all of this, if you're getting married? Simplest solution would be to pool all your resources, as once you're married you'll be a family.

Since you luuuuurve each other so much getting engaged so quickly I'm sure future hubster will see you and the other mans children right...

Or not.

Get a joint account.
Don't get your salaries paid directly into it.
Agree how much the joint account needs.
It needs enough to pay expenses relating to the house, the children, groceries, holidays, cars, commuting, etc.
Both have access to this account, both agree to only use it for the things you agreed it would pay for.
Put money into the joint account so that you both have the same amount left over for yourselves.
Use the leftover money on whatever you like, without any judgement from the other.

It's very unlikely that you will be worse off.

If your youngest is 5 how long have you been together?

Also, getting married without living together is rather naive

Strange thread.

Yes we are about to discuss it, that's why I was wondering what would be the fairest way. I am going to look for full time work, but in the meantime I am going to take a huge loss in income and we just manage to get by as it is

Yes he should make sure that you are not worse off for having him move in and saving his own money.

I am in a similar position to you op however I see it differently. I have 2 dc and get tax credits. I always planned in my head when I don't need the school holidays off/school hour working times I would get a full time job which would cover any losses in tax credits.

My dp doesn't live with us but will probably move in before my dc are of an age where I can work full time. So I will loose my tax credits yes, but I see it as he would be moving in so would be paying towards the household. It wouldn't be "his money" and "my money " because "my money " would be decreasing a lot with him there. So we would have to work out the finances so everyone is happy. If he was bringing a wage in I wouldn't see it as a loss in tax credits I would see it as a gain in a wage to the household which is a darn sight more stable and less dependent then tax credits.

The OP says 2 years. In her OP.

Think there's some harsh replies on this thread from people who clearly haven't read the op

He op's youngest is 5. She's been with her fiancée for 2 years. Why've been engaged for 1 year. That would mean her youngest was 3 when they go together. Not hard maths is it?!

But I agree with pp op, you really should 1) try living together first and 2) have blended or partly blended fianances. It shouldn't be his money and your money

Bog off spammer, nobody here will fall for that shite.

But if you're getting married next year you'll have to pool resources.

Personally I'd be loooking for more hours and relying less on working tax credits.

Presumably your fiancé is paying rent somewhere so by moving in with you there's a saving in rent.

Blending families with children is always difficult.

Is he really wanting to take on full responsibility for a PT working woman and two children that aren't his? Really, really REALLY sure?

Don't work more hours.
Don't let him move in.
Don't get married.
He 'would like' to move in? What for?
Do what you think is best for you and your children.
If he moves in, you lose your tax credits, you immediately become dependent on having him with you. That makes you vulnerable and it gives him power he hasn't had before.
If he moves in your children have to live with him whether they like it or not - he's not their lover, he's yours.

What proportion of your income is the benefits you'd lose? And what does he earn compared to you?
To be honest I think I would probably expect him to contribute as much as you lose by him being there.
If he works f/t then as one of two earning adults I'd expect him to pay half the living costs of your household (unless he's paying child maintenance for other kids) possibly more than half of your being pt benefits the whole household.

Let me guess, he stays over three nights a week at present?

Go with Trills plan - both get paid into your own personal accounts, work out current bills (with an increase to allow for another adult in the house), you both pay into a joint account enough to cover all this, trying to make sure the remainer you have each is roughly equal.

Thanks for the backing InvisibleKitten

Him wanting to move in is a good opportunity to figure out if you can make this work, BEFORE getting married.

You are clearly capable of running a household and making sensible financial decisions and looking after yourself and your children. Is he going to be a help or a hinderance with this?