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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think answering a mobile phone is not mandatory?

46 replies

ShowMePotatoSalad · 22/08/2017 16:08

And that phones can be turned off if the owner of the phone so wishes?

I have a couple of family members who get really annoyed with me if I don't always answer my phone, or respond to texts straight away.

Even if it's not an "important" message, they pretty much demand a response almost instantly. If I don't answer straight away, I get loads of "are you OK?" messages. DH's side do it as well. My aunty has started sending "have I done something to upset you?" messages if I delay by so much as a couple of hours.

People often call early evening when we are sitting down to eat. So obviously I don't want to get on the phone to them, but I know if I don't pick up I will then have to deal with them being moody to next time I speak to them, and questions as to why I didn't pick up.

DH's mum has told people DH doesn't speak to her very much or answer her calls. We've heard it from two separate family members that this is the case. DH will answer the majority of her calls but sometimes will have to miss them for whatever reason. Am I wrong in thinking that answering every single call is not a mandatory act, and that phones can even be switched off if the person feels like it? Or now that pretty much everyone has a mobile phone, is it wrong to ignore a call if you are in the middle of something, or just don't want to talk at that moment?

OP posts:
KinkyAfro · 22/08/2017 16:11

Oh it totally bugs me, I have a friend like this and if I don't answer within a few mins she'll send another message asking if I'm OK and if I don't respond I'll get another saying I'm obviously upset with her, could I just tell her why.

We've had many conversations about it, it just doesn't sink in

Bobbiepin · 22/08/2017 16:13

YANBU I hate hate hate it if I am having a conversation with someone in person and they answer the phone. Don't even get me started on phone use whilst eating.

My DM knows if I don't pick up I will call her when I can talk, even my nana understands this. If I don't pick up or immediately text DMIL back she gets offended and bitches about me to DH. It winds me up.

Witchend · 22/08/2017 16:14

"Phone signal at home isn't reliable" if I don't answer it, it may well because because the signal isn't good enough to take a call at present."

PerspicaciaTick · 22/08/2017 16:15

Sometimes I do wild and wacky stuff like go into the garden and leave my phone indoors, or have a shower (without my phone) or forget to switch it on after switching it off at work.
People get very twitchy about not getting an instant response.

Original poster
ShowMePotatoSalad · 22/08/2017 16:18

KinkyAfro wow, that's awful. V manipulative and guilt tripp-y...I would class that as harassment.

Bobbiepin how did you get them to understand, or are they just understanding people? I have tried so many times to explain this to our family, but they don't get it.

Phones can be wonderful but sometimes I feel like they are making family life so much harder to enjoy. I just want to be able to switch off and spend time with my immediate family without constant interruptions, or relax at the end of the day without having to answer a load of calls.

OP posts:
m4rdybum · 22/08/2017 16:19

On the opposite end to this.

My parents constantly pick up the phone when I call when they're clearly too busy to talk/just sitting down to eat, then are really stand offish with me.

I had to make them promise not to pick up if they were busy - it's not the end of the world that I ring them back later!

FruBayerischOla · 22/08/2017 16:22

There is no obligation to answer a phone at all - unless in a business/professional scenario, within working hours.

TronaldDumpy · 22/08/2017 16:22

I refuse to be ruled by my mobile phone. I often leave it at home and I certainly don't always answer it. You don't have to explain to anyone.

Ohmyfuck · 22/08/2017 16:23

When I go out with my Best Friend, she will ALWAYS answer her phone during our conversation. I then am immediately cut off and have to have a sip of my drink, peruse the cocktail menu, stare aimlessly around the room, etc whilst she texts her reply. Then, once it's been sent, our original conversation falls by the wayside as she fills me in on what her other friend has just texted and the story behind it. I find it SOOOOO RUDE and have stopped going out with her as much.

Bobbiepin · 22/08/2017 16:26

@showmepotatosalad it took time. I'm not massively close to DM or Dsis - we always talk if we have something to tell eachother but generally don't just ring to chat. I moved away from home (other side of the city, about an hours drive) and I think DM knows that I will talk to her when the time is right. If its been a week or so no contact she'll leave me a voicemail being like "hi daughter, not spoken to you in a while, call me sometime". Might be harsh but sometimes I pick up, say 'can't talk, I'll call you later, love you bye' and hang up!

Notso · 22/08/2017 16:37

YANBU MIL will text, if the text doesn't get an instant response then she phones my mobile, if that's not answered the house phone, then DD, DH then DS1
Meanwhile I have scrabbled for my phone in my bag, noticed the text and missed call, run to answer house phone while trying to text/call back, dialled 1471, shouted DD and DS1 to say their phones are ringing, unable to ring MIL back as her phone is busy calling everyone else, get an annoyed message from DH because MIL has rung him asking why I'm not answering. It fucks me off so baad.

AlexanderHamilton · 22/08/2017 16:40

It's not wrong at all. We have a no phones during meals policy in our family. We also do things like go to the theatre or cinema a lot.

If it's an emergency we'd expect someone to text please call me.

Original poster
ShowMePotatoSalad · 22/08/2017 16:43

Notso you have just described my exact situation. I hate it too- it's upsetting me and making me feel anxious.

OP posts:
Original poster
ShowMePotatoSalad · 22/08/2017 16:43

Alexander but if we don't answer, then we get those "I need to talk to you" messages, and they are never an emergency.

OP posts:
scaryteacher · 22/08/2017 16:44

My mobile is often not charged, or not on. it's for my convenience, not that of the rest of the world. If people don't listen when they are told to call my landline, and call my mobile instead, they shouldn't expect a response.

Kazzyhoward · 22/08/2017 16:44

There is no obligation to answer a phone at all - unless in a business/professional scenario, within working hours.

Even in a business/professional scenario, there are good reasons not to answer, i.e. if you're in a meeting with another client, if you're driving, if you're on a course, etc.

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 22/08/2017 16:47

A phone ringing/message is a notification not a summons. I rarely have my phone on loud and it goes into night mode at 6:30pm so vibrates don't disturb me. Your family would hate me Grin

RachelP247 · 22/08/2017 16:47

I have stopped replying to people immediately they text because it sets the expectation I am always available so yep - you then get the "have I done something wrong?" text an hour later - yes actually, you being needy and insecure cos I haven't fcking text you back for a whole HOUR is what you've done wrong... winds me up something chronic!

Have taken all my last online times off certain apps as well because I KNOW some people go on there to see when you were last one.... it's ridiculous!!! It's all me, me, me and I want it now mentality...

Yeah? Feck off! I don't answer the phone when it actually rings to ANYONE - I don't single people out! I just think my phone is actually for ME to use, not to be interrupted on... :)

AnneLovesGilbert · 22/08/2017 16:47

My DM is like this. She'll text, then call, then if no answer she'll start bombarding DH. And it's usually something like have I got her blue tupperware Confused

The phone is there for the convenience of the phone's owner. Not the people wanting to bombard and harass the phone's owner.

AnneLovesGilbert · 22/08/2017 16:48

How do you do that Rachel?! I studiously try not to open certain people's messages so they can't check up on me....

AlexanderHamilton · 22/08/2017 16:49

It probably helps that dh is a teacher both in a college & privately so he isn't allowed to answer his phone at various times.

That would do my head in potatosalad

Original poster
ShowMePotatoSalad · 22/08/2017 16:50

Have taken all my last online times off certain apps as well because I KNOW some people go on there to see when you were last one.

I didn't know this was even possible...do you know if it works for Whatsapp?

OP posts:
FruBayerischOla · 22/08/2017 16:53

"Even in a business/professional scenario, there are good reasons not to answer, i.e. if you're in a meeting with another client, if you're driving, if you're on a course, etc."

Yes, of course you're right, Kazzyhoward; I was generalising with my initial comment!!

Ceto · 22/08/2017 16:55

I think you need to train people. I make it very clear that I'm often nowhere near my phone or else have it switched off, and people have learnt, I think, that they will just have to wait till I see the message or call. If you react to frantic follow-up texts, they're liable to think that's OK; if you ignore them and make a habit of replying a few hours later saying "Sorry, I don't necessarily have my phone with me or switched on" they will eventually get the message. If they don't, it's their problem, not yours.

lilylivers · 22/08/2017 16:55

If I can, I will answer calls. If not, I know it will go to voicemail and I can get back as soon as I am ready.

I generally do not reply to texts/whatsapps/viber immediately. Unless they are of an emergency nature. Depends on what I am doing at the time. I also accept that others do the same.

I am sick of inane calls taking up my valuable time to talk rubbish. Sorry, just me so.

Some people seem to have endless time to answer calls, reply to texts, emails and so on. NO I often have other things to do for a little while maties.