Backdating money

[squiddie]

DP asked me to move in with him. I moved in at the beginning of July and since then, my flat has been on the market with no luck selling it so far. He hasn't demanded any money from me yet as I am still covering a mortgage. I thought the agreement was that when my flat had sold, we would split the mortgage/bills down the middle. I am happy to 'rent' off him and not get anything in return when he sells his flat. However he has made a few comments about when my flat is sold and I 'backdate' him the money I 'owe'. I understand I have lived there and am more than happy to contribute to bills etc and I do most of the cooking etc but backdating me rent when I have still been paying for a mortgage seems a little tight to me! I have brought the subject up with him and his response is that I have been living there so I should pay.

Jeez Do Not Sell Your Flat!

Keep it. Rent it out. Only sell it when you are getting another property - either with your DP (once he had given his stingy head a big wobble) or alone. If nothing else it could be a pension for you when you are older.

@sharksDen Given she'll be paying off half his mortgage without getting ANYTHING in return, I don't see why she should give him anything from the proceeds of the sale. He's the one financially benefiting here, not her.

Point out that you have been contributing to bills, cooking and cleaning for him.
Tell him he'll get his backdated rent, when he refunds half your backdated mortgage payments and bills.
His plans sounds to have been; you sell up, then use your money to fund his mortgage, bills and lifestyle.

He has shown his true colours.
Move back into your flat & be grateful you got such a clear warning.
Others have not been as lucky as you.

So for example, if your flat didn't sell for a year? Would you not pay him any rent the whole time?

You should have discussed this beforehand

My advice is to move straight back to your flat.

I think I'd be moving back into my flat

This should have been discussed before you moved in. As PP said, what if it takes a year to sell, would you expect to be living rent free all that time?

You need a real conversation about finances. Sit down, talk about how you see money working in the future, how much exactly he thinks you should be contributing, etc etc.

If it turns out you're not really compatible on financial stuff then move back to your flat sharpish!

@peachgreen

You know she's living there, right?

What's your answer to others asking about what happens if her flat doesn't sell for a significant period?

Bet he has been happy to have you there though. .

Please don't sell your flat. Either move back in there or at least rent it out. You'll need it in future.

*Easy to see how the misunderstanding came about though, given that several posters on here have said thy think he's not BU.

It doesn't take much mental arithmetic to work out that the OP would be much worse off than her 'D'P doing it his way.

Say they both have a mortgage of £500 a month, bills of £500 a month and spend £200 a month each on food etc.

In two separate flats that's equal.

OP moves in with DP and is expected to pay her £500 mortgage, plus half of his mortgage, half his bills (there will still be some bills on her property too I expect, albeit smaller now) and if OP is cooking more does that mean she spends more on the food shopping now?

So now OP is spending
Her mortgage £500
Half his mortgage £250
Half his bills £250
Her smaller bills for utilities provided even if not used £50
Extra on food so now £250 plus time spent doing it.
Total £1300

Meanwhile DP now pays half his mortgage £250
Half his bills £250
And less on food £150
Total £650

Who is it that thinks this is a fair split for the OP to have the pleasure of her DP's company and half as much space to call her own?!*

THIS!!!!!!! ^^

@sharksDen Think about it for a second. She sells her flat. Let's say she has £20k equity in it. She's got £20k in the bank. She then pays half of her DP's mortgage for the next 10 years, for NO equity in return as agreed. Let's say his mortgage is £600 month. So by the end of the 10 years, she's paid They then split up. He now has £72k of equity, £36k of which OP has paid.

She leaves with £20k. He leaves with £72k.

If she wants to live with him, she should keep her flat and rent it out. That way she can keep paying her mortgage as well as paying him rent (because no, she shouldn't be living rent-free). She shouldn't sell her flat unless a) he agrees she can have half of the equity in his property going forward (so not what he's paid already, but what they pay together from now on) or b) he also sells his place and they buy somewhere together.

@peachgreen

Think about it for a second. She is living rent free whilst her property increases in value.

move back out to your flat til it is sold then.

How wasn't this a conversation before you moved in? Assumptions and hints are a really crappy way to start a cohabiting relationship. In the words of Dr Phil, you need to both start using verbs in your sentences.

Talk to the man and start negotiating a settlement to this misunderstanding prime example of piss poor communication.

Move back into the flat until it is sold or indeed permanently because he sounds like a twat.

I would hang on to your flat and rent it out and not leave the property market to live with someone as tightfisted.

I can see you posting a in a couple of years about being single, with a baby, with an DP who won't pay for your car insurance (see other thread!)

Don't sell your flat! Unless you put what you make on it into his mortgage AND he puts you on the deeds as co-owner of his place .

But with a man like this, I'm not sure that would even be a good idea. As others say, best keep your property and rent it out. Or even move back in, given his attitude. You are risking your financial future, for a strangely tight man who doesn't have your best interests at heart.

And for those saying 'Why should she live in his flat for free':

1. He asked her to move in, is getting the benefit of her company.

2.. He presumably managed OK paying all his mortgage and bills alone, previously. So he doesn't actually need the money.

1. It would be very difficult for the OP to pay all the mortgage and bills on her own place, plus half on her 'D'P's . Any decent partner would recognise this. She's not a bloody lodger, FFS!

@sharksDen Did you miss the part where she's selling her flat, or are you just being deliberately obtuse?

Leave him now and go back and live in your flat and then if you still think that there's a salvageable relationship discuss everything about finances in detail before moving back in.

He's a keeper isn't he ?
Don't sell. Rent it for now and see how things go with a 50/50 split.

I'd move back to your flat and don't contemplate sharing with this man again unless you have jointly purchased something ( although personally I'd be waving goodbye for good)

Why?? Why would you sell your flat?

If you must move in with this cock womble at last just rent out your flat for a trial period before selling.

I don't understand why you have moved in..

Financially this isn't a good move..Selling a flat and paying rent..Who would do that?

You are both clearly not committed enough to financially commit together.