First time posting so be gentle but AIBU?

[Elenasparkles]

Just want a general idea if I'm being unreasonable or not. The Ex (from hell) and I have a strained relationship, we try to shield DS from this as much as possible and mainly communicate via email/txt as tempers were constantly flaring. Have received a message from The Ex to say that he would like me to retroactively pay half of the cost of a passport he had issued to take DS abroad. Now in principle I have no problem splitting the cost as I obviously hope to take DS away at some point in the (very far off) future and would then need use of said passport to do this. However I think what bugs me is that The Ex has made a consistent point of never paying a penny more for DS than CSA demand he pay (we did have an arrangement between ourselves for the first year but post argument over divorce issues The Ex contacted CSA himself and asked to go through them, effectively dropping over £100), even to the point of asking me to give him his share of nappies out of a pack for his weekends, as he refused to buy any of his own, and if i didn't give him enough would then drive over 45 mins back to pick more up from me then to just buy his own packet!!! Now again I'm quite happy to support DS myself and never ask for anything additional from The Ex who is in full time, well paid employment and has managed to go on at least 2 holidays with new GF and her children this year alone, whilst im in part time employment and have been recently recovering from cancer and subsequent treatments. But him asking for me to pay back half of the passport I think is a little bit of a p*take as I have just spent put over £100 on DS new school uniform, coat, shoes, P.E kit etc and never asked him for a penny. So I suppose me question is if he expects me to pay half of the passport as this is an "additional expense" is it fair for me to ask for him to contribute half towards the cost of the school uniform? As this is an additional expense to my normal household expenditure ?!...Tia x

(Oh and he's also said that the passport will be returned WHEN I pay the £27.50...effectively withholding until I pay him which makes me very uncomfortable)

Don't pay for the passport now....just ignore him....if you want to take ds away either pay it then or get a new one....

No idea about petrol have you moved away ? in which case it maybe a point if not ....otherwise just ignore..you do not have to respond to all his crap....

Too late for the nappies if DS is going to school now - but the answer to this is that your CMS money is meant for the costs while DS is with you - it is discounted by the number of days DS spends with his F so F therefore gets to keep that part of it to cover the costs while DS is with him. ie. You don't have to spend it on nappies for F to use when DS is with him.

Uniform - again, you buy what you need, he buys what he needs (although in many cases he won't need anything if he just uses yours and of course there'll only be one pair of shoes at a time).
A sensible person would of course reach agreement about one person buying the shoes, the other the trainers, and sharing uniform costs, but regrettably this man is not and never will be sensible.

The passport - I'd offer to pay for the next one in 5 years. But again you are not dealing with a rational human being. Legally there is no right answer (divorce lawyer here) as to who is the keeper of the passport, and if you went to court over it you'd have to pay a court fee of £255 alone and attend mediation before hand (another £100 or so). I am sad to say it, but I think pay the £28 for an easy life. But do NOT buy enough uniform for the ex to use at his house, he should buy his own set and do not provide anything for him.

He hasn't got a cat in hell's chance of deducting petrol money. The CMS doesn't care about that. If he can cancel the assessment, you just apply immediately for your own and it'll get backdated.

Didn't you have to counter sign the passport application? As a child's passport is only valid 5 years unless you have actual plans to go abroad then you shouldn't be paying.
When you do decide to go away inform the ex in advance that you will need the passport and if the won't hand it over then report it as stolen - taking something which doesn't belong to you, even if you paid for it in the first place, is stealing!

Dez. The op can't report the passport stolen. She knows it's not. That would be fraud. Wise up.

Slow if he refuses to hand over the passport, it is basically stolen albeit from the son and not OP. The OP can just pay for another one and this one be cancelled off. No fraud, the OP could explain the situation to the passport office.

The op can not say its stolen.

She can say the ex is not giving it to her and can certainly go to court to force him to hand it over but to claim it is stolen is fraud.

Her ex is as entitled to hold the passport as she is.

is contact a court-ordered arrangement?

i'd get this sorted legally so he can't keep controlling you like this.

The OP is well within her right to use the passport if needed and he does not have a right to withhold it.

OP - if he wants to go down the route of 'oh you have to pay half for petrol then' I would refuse and if he doesn't then want to see his son then you'll have to live with that. He seems to be using your son as a bit of an emitional weapon anyway! You're not stopping contact if he doesn't come because you won't pay his petrol costs- that's all on him!

I would just reply with "suits me fine if you value keeping your £ over seeing DS"!!!

I would actually just reply to any requests to money from him with "I can't afford it as well you know".

Ask him if he wants to start halving everything instead of paying his CSA minimum. Tell him if so you can do a spreadsheet each month and he can pay the top up. If he agrees to do that, you would be happy to pay for half of passport, but at the moment he is getting a very good deal and should not quibble over passport unless he genuinely wants to halve everything.

He sounds like a massive di*khead OP

Go back to Court, or at least talk to a Family Law solicitor. Kepp a diary of all costs for basics like the uniform, and when ex buys v expensive shoes and so on. Expensive shoes are not necessary, but school shoes are etc. You will need these notes; put dates too - especially, if you can remember, the times when he drove to get extra nappies from you, as well as the fact you provide him with nappies anyway.