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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WIBU to cancel childcare?

74 replies

JesusDontWantMeForASunbeam · 22/08/2017 00:20

I'm prepared for a flaming but here goes:

I'm a childminder and have my friends preschooler full time and her older DC in holidays.
First week of the holidays was fine- all paid up. Second week was paid on two parts- 1 at end of week and 1 at start. Slightly inconvenient but doable.
The next week the dcs were off on the Monday fees are due. Text my friend at lunchtime asking her to let me know please when fees were paid in to my account. 4 hours later I get a text saying she can't afford them. I replied that I couldn't provide care without fees as the fees cover the DCs food, trips etc. They didn't show up for that week. I text her on the Friday as I felt bad saying that if she paid a contribution each week until her money was sorted then they could come.

She paid £50 on the Monday and that was it. Fees are £300 ish. I emailed on the Wednesday stating what was outstanding e.g 2 weeks fees minus £50 and what was due (1 week half fees as they are away this week). As well as stating that a payment needs to be made every week to bring it up to date by end of September. No response to my email.
No fees have been paid today. I've messaged her asking but it's sat on delivered not read yet she's been online off and on all day.

WIBU to just email again stating that unless everything is up to date by Friday then I will be cancelling the contract and going down the legal route to recover monies owed? I'm pissed off at having to chase money. There's been no apology at all over lateness of fees or even the fact that they haven't been paid and she's ignoring any messages to do with them.

Apologies as it's long. I'm just torn between knowing what it's like when you're strapped for cash and feeling like a mug as she's done this to every childcare provider she's ever had.

OP posts:
missmollyhadadolly · 22/08/2017 00:24

YANBU at all, hope you get your money back.

No more childcare even if she does pay up.

GreenTulips · 22/08/2017 00:29

You can go to the small claims court - it's about £35 to log - they send a letter and if Sh doesn't dispute it she'll get a CCJ etc

Do it - save someone else the hassle

Where are the kids if you don't have to them?

JesusDontWantMeForASunbeam · 22/08/2017 00:31

At their dads in a certain housing complex for people down on their luck. I'm pretty sure that children aren't allowed to stay there though as I know pregnant women there are rehoused due to it not being a suitable place for young children.

OP posts:
MyheartbelongstoG · 22/08/2017 00:32

I was going to say maybe talk to her as a friend and put the asking for money to one side for a day or two. Was thinking she sounds like she is going through money problems and burying her head but last line changes everything.

I'd let her go op.

JesusDontWantMeForASunbeam · 22/08/2017 00:32

It's part of the reason I've tried to be lenient tbh. I don't like the idea of them there due to things my friend has told me about what their dad has said to them and the fact a 6 year old told me what had happened in game of thrones as her dad had watched it with her.

OP posts:
user1497863568 · 22/08/2017 00:33

Never provide childcare for a friend ... 8/10 cases end up like this.

BackforGood · 22/08/2017 00:35

WIBU to just email again stating that unless everything is up to date by Friday then I will be cancelling the contract and going down the legal route to recover monies owed?

YWNBU to do this, even before the rest of what you wrote.
However, if you knew she's done this to every childcare provider she's ever had then why on earth would you offer her spaces in the first place, without upfront payment ? Confused

JesusDontWantMeForASunbeam · 22/08/2017 00:35

Trust me- the lesson has been learnt!

OP posts:
JesusDontWantMeForASunbeam · 22/08/2017 00:37

I felt sorry for her. She had been out of work for a while, was relying on the kids dad for childcare and he was threatening to go for residency etc. I had spaces available so it seemed like a win-win. I also wasn't aware of how many providers she had done it too. I only knew that she was a week behind on nursery fees. It's only now coming to light that there's a trail of people that have been fucked over.

OP posts:
JesusDontWantMeForASunbeam · 29/08/2017 10:31

Update: I sent the email stating that she had 21 days to pay before court action commenced. She paid £50 on Friday and says she'll pay £50 this Friday and more if she can afford it. She dropped both girls off today.

My dilemma is that next week the younger one is supposed to start full time with me. Do I:
A) say I won't have her unless her weekly fee is paid Monday and then add on £50 a week until the debt is paid
B) say I won't have her and continue with the court action

My worry with B is that the court will say she can't afford to pay and that's that. At least with A I stand a chance of recovering some money although I'll feel like a mug.

I'm fucking fuming with her though. I'm on the bones of my arse money wise and she's not even apologised for the fact that she's not been paying enough.

OP posts:
Nuttynoo · 29/08/2017 10:33

You shouldn't take her dd f/t until she settles the debt. Even if she has to use other childcare to do it.

Lindy2 · 29/08/2017 10:40

Are you still providing childcare even though fees are outstanding?
If you are you need to stop taking the children until the bill is settled on full.
I'd terminate the contract with immediate effect if it was me for non payment of fees. If you do continue, once fees are paid, insist on payment in advance before any childcare.
If necessary don't open your door to her when she tries to drop the children off or even better be out at the expected drop off time.
This won't get better. She is using you and is trying to get free childcare.

AldiAisleOfCrap · 29/08/2017 10:45

I would let it go, surely if you weren't a childminder you would mind friends children for free?

JesusDontWantMeForASunbeam · 29/08/2017 10:45

I told her 2 weeks ago she had until the 18/9 to pay up in full. If I refuse to have the kids now that may go against me if it goes to court.

Tax credits can't confirm or deny that they're paying the childcare element either which is frustrating although I do understand it.

I've just advertised her space on my Facebook page as even if she pays up in full I'm going to have to give her notice.

OP posts:
JesusDontWantMeForASunbeam · 29/08/2017 10:47

I wouldn't mind friends children for free 50 hours a week including all meals, snacks and outings, no. I'd do the odd day here and there but not full time care as this is my job for a reason.

OP posts:
swingofthings · 29/08/2017 10:55

She clearly has money problem. Either because of a dispute with tax credits or because she is not managing her money properly/is in big debts.

It's more likely that this is not going to be resolved quickly, so changes are she will continue to pay very small amounts there and then whilst accumulating more debts towards you.

Don't agree to having her children any longer. That won't go against you in court. You've tried, it failed, give it up.

inniu · 29/08/2017 11:04

Presumably she has until 18/9 to pay the fees that are in arrears but she still needs to pay this weeks fees on Monday in advance. Has she paid for current week plus s contribution towards arrears?
If she hadn't and is just running up more debt don't take the children and start court proceedings.

JesusDontWantMeForASunbeam · 29/08/2017 11:06

She's paid £50 a week since 14/8. So she's not even managed to pay off a full week yet. In fact she's not even covered 2 days fees for both of them in all that time.

OP posts:
inniu · 29/08/2017 11:08

Don't take the children any more. She is just building up more debt.

MargaretCavendish · 29/08/2017 11:11

I would let it go, surely if you weren't a childminder you would mind friends children for free?

What a ridiculous comment. Op has every right to be paid the agreed price for her work.

liquidrevolution · 29/08/2017 11:11

No no no no no.

Do not take the kids. They are not your responsibility.

She has proved herself unreliable in the past.

(I know its hard as I can be very soft as well but you really cannot help her without losing so much time, money and frankly sanity yourself)

JesusDontWantMeForASunbeam · 29/08/2017 11:13

Does anyone have any idea how I can word an email explaining that I can't have them until the debt is paid please? I'm useless at being hard at business.

Thank you to everyone for your replies.

OP posts:
plantsitter · 29/08/2017 11:14

She is your friend and presumably you care about the children.

I would stick with your current plan (option A, right?) but you also need to give her a good talking to. She needs to come up with a plan to sort out her money/debt management. She has a duty to her children to make sure they are cared for properly and as you think that is not with their dad she needs to make damn sure it is her. Can you go through it with her using this info money advice service?

If she won't, you won't have her kids at all and will just pursue the court route.

I'm sure you do feel like a mug but if you can focus on caring for the kids (as well as recouping some money) that might help. It isn't their fault, poor things.

ImperialBlether · 29/08/2017 11:15

If she's done this before, go down the small claims route and cancel her contract. The friendship is lost anyway; she's treated you so badly and she's responding by avoiding you.

ALittleMop · 29/08/2017 11:16

phone her and explain clearly
this is your work and you can't afford to do unpaid work
you are very sorry but you will have to give her notice
she sounds like she is in a really bad way (finance and stress) and she may be ignoring emails - hearing it from you personally may make her hear.

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