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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be struggling so much with a job that is 'under' me?

68 replies

strawberrielime · 21/08/2017 22:06

I am a trained primary school teacher. I was in senior management until having a baby and dropped 'down' to three days a week.

Unfortunately, DH then lost his primary source of income and we fell behind with mortgage payments. To try and keep the house, I got work in the evenings.

I cannot begin to explain how hard I find it. I keep making silly mistakes because no one has properly trained me - it's assumed I'll pick things up. People are often impatient, condescending and sometimes downright rude to me because I'm not the person who is usually there. I don't have much in common with my colleagues and they treat me as something of an oddity - I made the mistake of explaining I was a teacher and did the job evenings and I am now referred to as The Teacher - I hate it and wish I hadn't told them what I did but I didn't know any better! I also hate the fact we have no time as a family at all Sad I'm permanently exhausted too.

Felt good just to let that out Sad

OP posts:
5rivers7hills · 21/08/2017 22:09

Yikes working two jobs is tough :-(

LindyHemming · 21/08/2017 22:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 21/08/2017 22:11

Hopefully it is just a short term fix so grin and bear it.
What is your DH doing?

Squeegle · 21/08/2017 22:11

Can't you go up to 5
Days teaching? It does sound hard. People are probably just feeling a bit insecure etc and that's why they're not friendly, but it's horrible to feel like this . If you stick it out it will probably improve in time ...

Original poster
strawberrielime · 21/08/2017 22:12

He is working, but his new job doesn't pay as well. It's also precarious Sad He is looking for a better one, but we (stupidly, I suppose) got a big mortgage. We could afford it then, though.

OP posts:
early30smum · 21/08/2017 22:18

I can't even begin to imagine how you're working as a teacher and doing nights. Flowers is there no way you could drop the night job and go up to 4 or 5 days teaching or is it the childcare that's the issue? Do your school know?

Viviennemary · 21/08/2017 22:18

They just sound unhelpful and horrible. Do you mean you work during the days and do this evening job as an extra. Could you explore doing private tutoring. That might pay better. Would it be possible to take a lodger even on a temporary basis.

Cornettoninja · 21/08/2017 22:19

How long have you been working there? Any job takes a good couple of months to settle in to, you have to front out the lack of confidence and building a relationship with your colleagues.

If you feel there's a sense of 'she thinks she's better than us' and you're determined or need to keep this particular job then you just have to go out of your way to prove them wrong.

Otherwise you need to look for something else. Cleaning, uber driver, Amazon deliveries etc nothing amazing but jobs that you're much less likely to be under critical eyes from the sounds of it.

MissAlabamaWhitman · 21/08/2017 22:20

What is the evening job?

Oneggshellsallthetime · 21/08/2017 22:25

Hang on in there and see if you can get some more training to make life easier while doing the second job. It may reduce some of the stress which might make it a bit more bearable. Is it colleagues or external contacts/customers who are irritable?

Original poster
strawberrielime · 21/08/2017 22:27

Childcare costs would cancel out any benefit to going back full time.

The problem with tutoring is that while it would pay better, it's also unreliable and I'd need a lot of children to make it worthwhile. I'll look into it in the new term, though. I would give anything to give up this second job, I absolutely hate it Sad I got spoken to absolutely horribly this evening for just being polite. Apparently I was being patronising. When I tried to explain that really wasn't the intention I got told to "stop going off in a huff" - I wasn't Sad

OP posts:
ineedamoreadultieradult · 21/08/2017 22:29

It does sound like you are having it tough but I dont think having the attitude that the job is beneath you is helpful. I am a university graduate in a job where quite a lot of my colleagues don't even have a C or above in Maths and English GCSE (I know because work are paying for them to do them again). But the job is not beneath me it is a job I have chosen to do as it suits my needs as your evening job seems to suit your needs at the moment.

Original poster
strawberrielime · 21/08/2017 22:32

I don't really mean beneath me in that sense. I mean the fact I am struggling with it even though I should be more than qualified theoretically, I just don't seem to be very good.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 21/08/2017 22:33

I know it's easier said than done but try and develop a thicker skin. Who cares what these idiots think and some folk will criticise just for the sake of it and take great delight in it. Just hang on it while finances are tight. I endured a job I loathed for years so I sympathise greatly.

fabulous01 · 21/08/2017 22:34

One year I took a seasonal job in a well known toy company... omg. Horrendous with the fact of being treated like I was 16. I feel your pain. I lasted long enough to pay for xmas and I left ... before xmas... I was fortunate as it wasn't a mortgage so either leave and sort another option or think of something strange as to why you work there such as partner in prison for murder and I bet you will have it easier from colleagues

Original poster
strawberrielime · 21/08/2017 22:35

Thanks, Vivienne

I don't like crying to DH because he feels awful and tries to persuade me to leave, with a "it will be okay somehow" view. But it won't be. We have to clear the arrears.

OP posts:
Judydreamsofhorses · 21/08/2017 22:36

I sympathise, I am in a similar situation - DP made redundant, I teach - but despite applying for loads of bar/shop jobs I can't even get a second job. I'm in Scotland and have been doing a lot of work for SQA to bring in extra money, is there anything similar you could do?

NapQueen · 21/08/2017 22:36

Can dh work evenings instead? Or weekends?

Original poster
strawberrielime · 21/08/2017 22:38

He does, NapQueen

I do Tuesday and Thursday evenings, he does Monday and Wednesday. He works Sunday; I work Saturday.

But I am doing more shifts at the moment due to school holidays (nursery already paid for.) Possibly that's why it's getting me down so much.

OP posts:
NapQueen · 21/08/2017 22:42

Gosh that must be so hard!

Would you save a bit by arranging term time only childcare for dc?

Also, would it be better for everyone if you dropped evening work and worked sat and sunday so you had two clear days off in the week? And all evenings to rest?

Dh could then work 4 evenings?

IceMagic · 21/08/2017 22:42

Would it be too expensive to move to a more affordable home? Can your dh take on evening work? I'd look for a different evening job as it doesn't sound like the people you work with are going to get any nicer. I feel for you as teaching and bringing up small children is hard enough as it is without added stress. Moving to somewhere more affordable may be your best bet

Arealhumanbeing · 21/08/2017 22:42

I think the problem is the way you're being treated. Most people find it difficult to keep their confidence and function normally in a hostile environment.

I don't see why you should go out of your way to prove them wrong. They've judged you without knowing you because they feel inferior. I guess they're desperately trying to convince themselves that you in fact think you're superior.

Also they're unlikely to recover from finding out that you're a teacher. Hmm That ilk can smell fear and thrive on it. Might it be better to focus on the fact that the job is a short term thing? Get in and out then forget them until the next shift?

IceMagic · 21/08/2017 22:43

Sorry, ignore stuff I've written you've already replied to which i hadn't seen when I posted.

early30smum · 21/08/2017 22:43

Could you look for a term time only childminder? Cheaper than a nursery?

pinotgrigio1 · 21/08/2017 22:44

Approaching from a different angle here, but have you checked your mortgage recently to see whether it can be changed? I did around a year ago and got it down from £633 to £477 a month. It wasn't a remortgage, just switching with the same bank to a lower interest rate. Also, take a look at your other bills. Can you reduce these at all? If you make cut backs here, would you be able to not do the extra work? How about supply work to top up? Moneysavingexpert forums have lots of advice.