Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be struggling so much with a job that is 'under' me?

68 replies

strawberrielime · 21/08/2017 22:06

I am a trained primary school teacher. I was in senior management until having a baby and dropped 'down' to three days a week.

Unfortunately, DH then lost his primary source of income and we fell behind with mortgage payments. To try and keep the house, I got work in the evenings.

I cannot begin to explain how hard I find it. I keep making silly mistakes because no one has properly trained me - it's assumed I'll pick things up. People are often impatient, condescending and sometimes downright rude to me because I'm not the person who is usually there. I don't have much in common with my colleagues and they treat me as something of an oddity - I made the mistake of explaining I was a teacher and did the job evenings and I am now referred to as The Teacher - I hate it and wish I hadn't told them what I did but I didn't know any better! I also hate the fact we have no time as a family at all Sad I'm permanently exhausted too.

Felt good just to let that out Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
strawberrielime · 21/08/2017 22:46

Unfortunately, we haven't been able to find anywhere that offers term time only. There was one childminder but she charged a large retaining fee which almost cancelled out any monetary advantage anyway, and plus we didn't really feel she was suitable.

A more affordable home just isn't possible as our credit has been so negatively impacted - we would need a new mortgage that we'd be unlikely to get. Plus, the costs associated with moving would again wipe out any gain.

I should hopefully be doing my last shift on the 9th December.

I am counting down.

It will be a very merry christmas indeed!

OP posts:
IceMagic · 21/08/2017 22:48

I think the people you work with are bullying you a bit and you need to concentrate on finding alternative night work and then think about moving to a more affordable home.

IceMagic · 21/08/2017 22:49

Sorry hadn't seen your reply when I wrote about a more affordable home

user1483390742 · 21/08/2017 22:52

Why don't you get a full time teaching job? I did when same happened to me!

Original poster
strawberrielime · 21/08/2017 22:56

Because the extra I would earn would be subtracted in childcare costs.

OP posts:
NapQueen · 21/08/2017 22:57

Do you earn more than dh?

Rodeobunny · 21/08/2017 23:03

I was gonna say what Pinot just did, def look at mortgage options if at all possible. I've used an independent broker company before called John Charcol and they can look into options free of charge, so you only pay a fee if a deal is arranged through them.

SweetLuck · 21/08/2017 23:04

It's not nearly so bad if you have a fixed end date.

JPinkertonSnoopington · 22/08/2017 01:54

I feel for you OP. I too had to work a succession of jobs which were a long way further down the ladder than the job I had done for 12 years but lost on capability grounds (I have bipolar and it was not diagnosed in time to save my career). The last one was so awful it nearly finished me. I am glad you only have to put up with your nightmare job until early December. I was able to leave mine because I developed arthritis in my right hand and couldn't work anymore. . The union got me a good deal and I waved a not very fond farewell to the three witches as I called them who were behind the bullying. I live on my small occupational pension (I am 63) and am so much happier. I appreciate that your situation is completely different and this is not an option for you.

Are any of your colleagues more approachable? Could you become friends with them as it would take the sting out of the behaviour of the others? I was able to do this, and it helped because they told me that it was not me me, but them. Sadly they were doing it to other people including driving a young woman out of her first job since university.

I'd be inclined in your shoes to keep looking for a better part time job as it sounds to me that it is driving you into the ground and life is just too short. I used to think every time they got at me " they are nothing but hens, pecking and scratching in the hen run and they think it's the world " the other one was " there's no bitch like a stupid bitch ". I used to sing that phrase in my mind to the tune of "there is no business like show business". Maybe some wicked thoughts and an inward smile might help you to bear it as it did me.

I hope you can manage to stick it out until December if you have to – keep thinking "this isn't forever" as I think that might help. I wish you all the best and hope things improve for you soon.

GaryNumanIsOlderThanGaryOldman · 22/08/2017 02:05

You poor poor thing. I went from teaching to cover supervision only because I had term-time only childcare. I remember doing supply work when childcare was full-time and breaking even/taking Summer job to make the nursery payments.
The only evening work I ever did on top of a day's teaching was an adult education course because it paid very well per hour, was takking place in my school and was more or less an extension of my day job. Is that something you could switch to in September?

Mammyloveswine · 22/08/2017 06:48

OMG you must be exhausted! Even teaching 3 days is bloody hard work! If you can try and grin and bear it for the next few months but sounds awful for you! (I'm a teacher on a 0.7 contract which is spread over 5 days..technically part time..LOL! It's bloody hard without having a second job on an evening/weekend) )

NormaSmuff · 22/08/2017 07:01

I have also recently chucked in an extra job because i could no longer cope with the bad tempered bullying. I sort of think, perhaps I shouldn't have told them anything about me in the first place!
Just grin and bear it op, you are doing it for the money. That is all. It is them not you.

NC4now · 22/08/2017 08:57

Are you using a childcare voucher scheme? If you and DH both use one you can save a good chunk on childcare. You'd have to do the sums, but it might make teaching FT more affordable.

PennyTentiary · 22/08/2017 09:54

OP this sounds really tough. I know what you mean though, I had various pt jobs as a student and made the mistake once of saying I was at uni and got bullied for it by the staff. Now I have a job I love but I'm over qualified for as it fits in best with DS and I just love what I do. However, no one except my manager knows I have degrees as people would definitely change their attitude towards me. It's so tough when you get sneered at for having a different experience to others.
I hope everything improves for you soon Flowers

2ndSopranos · 22/08/2017 10:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2ndSopranos · 22/08/2017 10:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

harshbuttrue1980 · 22/08/2017 10:07

When I was an NQT years ago, I had to take an evening job working in a corner shop to be able to afford my rent. The way to keep it tolerable is to see yourself as having two halves - in my case, "teacher me" and "shop worker me", and to make sure I didn't bring "teacher me" into the shop job. I didn't talk about teaching, "when I was at uni" or anything similar when I was at the shop, and avoided any sense of feeling superior (and actually, my mum was a shop assistant, so I don't see being a teacher as superior to being a shop worker anyway). I tried my best to find common ground with the staff, and did become accepted over time. I don't know you so can't say whether this is true about you or not, but be careful to avoid being the teacher living in Snob Hill wafting in on a sea of Boden to rough it with the little people.

Arealhumanbeing · 22/08/2017 11:57

Hi OP. How are you feeling today. Did you work last night?

All you can be is yourself (and you sound lovely). Insecurities and disappointments in the lives of others are not your responsibility.

People behave like that when they don't know or like themselves. That doesn't help when you're the one in the firing line though.

Could you come to an arrangement with your mortgage provider and other vendors? Either reduced or frozen payments for the next 3 months. They are likely to want to help.

LilyWhites325 · 22/08/2017 12:37

Have you spoken to your mortgage company? I work in debt advice, first port of call would be to ask if you can extend your mortgage term adding the arrears on, most mortgage companies do want to work with you in my experience compared to other lenders .

LilyWhites325 · 22/08/2017 12:37

I know it's not help as such, how was work last night OP?

TheSolitaryBoojum · 22/08/2017 13:05

Good advice harshbuttrue I've done that a few times in similar circumstances.

Damnthatonestaken · 22/08/2017 13:08

A lot of seemingly easy jobs can be quite difficult for various reasons op. So dont feel bad about that

LeakyLittleBoat · 22/08/2017 13:23

What a pack of twats they are. It's bullying pure and simple. I'm so sorry this is happening to you, I met similar attitudes when I was topping up our household income years ago doing part time bar work. I didn't feel 'better' than mycoworkers it was enough that they thought I felt better than them for them to justify subjecting me to "ooh la di dah" comments if I happened to use any vocabulary they perceived as high-faluting. Inverted snobbery is as fucking insidiously hurtful as the reverse and just as hard to defuse. I stuck it out for long enough to get the experience I needed in the actual work and then left to work in a hotel bar where there was more of a mix of workers including students and professional people doing the same as I was alongside career service industry people who were more accepting. Probably won't make much difference to some of them but if there's maybe one who's a bit more sympathetic you could try explaining that you're not looking down on anyone or the actual work, you're just doing what you can in order to keep a roof over your family's head and put food on the table like they are.

Arealhumanbeing · 22/08/2017 15:51

Don't explain anything to them. They do not warrant explanations of basically, why you are you.

Fuck them.

Floozie66 · 22/08/2017 16:00

Can you take a payment holiday from your mortgage or is that not possible now you are in arrears. Do you have option of switching to reduced capital payment with santander you can do a 50 / 50 option or 25 / 75