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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should Grandparents do more

53 replies

littlemittens · 21/08/2017 18:52

Ok so I didn't really know where to put this, and I am really just trying to get opinions.
My son's dad has never really bothered much with him,in fact he saw his parental Grandparents more than his dad for a long long time-though this was just once a week for a few hours.
Now his dad is in his life more and he spends one Sat night with the Grandparents and one with his dad-with one being at home.(so sees Grandparents and Dad once each a month.
My mum is the type of Gran who buys thing for the children all the time-little things really but she is I guess the "typical" Grandparent.
Spoke to my OH and he said his Grandparents were the same.
The thing is the parental Grandparents never buy anything for Son outside of seeing him the once a month..they send a £10 for Birthdays and Xmas.
When we have ever gone away on Hol they never send any spending money for Son
Dad is the same-though we do have an agreement-he gives me £40 a week towards Son-though this took a long time to sort out and for many Years I got nothing.
To me this just seems strange,I guess I am just used to things being different with my own mum and what she does.
What is everyone else's situation with Grandparents like?
I think maybe I have just been spoiled by my own mum-she is brilliant!!

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 21/08/2017 18:54

I agree you've been spoiled by your mum.

Expecting them to send pocket money for holidays is way above and beyond the call of duty.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 21/08/2017 18:55

So you are complaining that the paternal GP don't give you enough money. Hmm

FuzzyCustard · 21/08/2017 18:55

No they should not do more. They are grandparents and have no actual responsibility for their grandchildren. What they do is entirely up to them.
No holiday spending money? "Only" one night a month? Blimey...YABU.
You've definitely been spoilt with your mum...I wouldn't say she is "typical".
Be glad of the relationships your child does have, and stop expecting the impossible!

Rainbunny · 21/08/2017 18:57

"When we have ever gone away on Hol they never send any spending money for Son"

I've never heard of GPs sending spending money to GCs when they go on holiday, if that's what you were used to I'd say you were definitely spoiled!

MrsChopper · 21/08/2017 18:59

You are being very precious. Your child's grandparents have to provide neither childcare nor spending money!

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 21/08/2017 19:00

It isn't about money, it is about time; time is more precious than any money YABU

Babyblues14 · 21/08/2017 19:00

They didn't choose to have grandchildren. You chose it for them. So they have no reason to offer money or help

Gorgosparta · 21/08/2017 19:02

There is no normal.

My parents are very involved and dhs are not.

Thats their choice and they moved 2 hours away. I honestly have no issue with it.

I think expectinf them to give money and spend more in the kids, because your mum does is odd.

People talk about grandparents not having any rights when it comes to their grandkids. But people seem to place alot of obligation on them.

Original poster
littlemittens · 21/08/2017 19:02

I think I have been indeed-OHs mum sends the children spending money for Hols.
It is good I have had others opinions because after my own Mum being a certain way all this time for all her Grandchildren I guess I did just think it is the way most other GPs would be.
I always thought they didn't do enough-now I see its more likely muy mum does too much.

OP posts:
StillDrivingMeBonkers · 21/08/2017 19:03

Yes Op, normal grandparents slip a bit of ice cream money on high days, holidays and days out. Only in MN-land are people expected to have absolutely no relationship with their extended family and In Laws.

AldiAisleOfCrap · 21/08/2017 19:03

Holiday spending money is normal.

junebirthdaygirl · 21/08/2017 19:04

I have a gd. My ds and her dm are not together. I always send her money when she is going on holidays with her dm. But l had that with my own gps when l was small and subseque tly with my own dm and my dc. Its an lrish thing maybe. Are you from an lrish family?
But its not that important. What is important is that your little guy enjoys going to gps, gets attention and encouragement there and its a positive experience for him.
A lot of people here are fed up of gps buying trash so best thing is a positive relationship. Be contented with what it is and forget the rest.

Holdbacktheriver · 21/08/2017 19:05

I'm going to be the annoying one telling you to count your blessings and consider yourself lucky that they want to spend time with your Ds.

My Dc don't see their grandparents for months at a time, purely because neither set of gps cares and they just can't be bothered with my dc. They don't know when their birthdays are and don't even phone to wish them a merry Christmas Sad

I feel so sad they have no relationship with their grandparents. Mine were amazing. They had no money but all the time in the world for me and I'm gutted my children don't have that.

formerbabe · 21/08/2017 19:10

You cannot compare child maintenance with spending money from grandparents. NRP must pay maintenance...extra pocket money from grandparents is an added bonus.

flowery · 21/08/2017 19:11

So they babysit him overnight once a month but you'd like them to give you money as well? Confused

SonicBoomBoom · 21/08/2017 19:12

YABU to expect GPs to give your DC money.

How crass.

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 21/08/2017 19:15

Funny world some of you live in. Exactly why is it wrong for a GP to give their GC ice cream money? Even my neighbours used to give my kids a fiver when we went off on holiday all those years ago I do not believe the world has changed that much.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 21/08/2017 19:16

Yes Op, normal grandparents slip a bit of ice cream money on high days, holidays and days out

normal Hmm

Holiday spending money is normal.

It isn't abnormal not to.

They buy him things when they see him and for birthdays and Christmas.

They aren't an ATM.

Only in MN-land are people expected to have absolutely no relationship with their extended family and In Laws.

Which isn't the case here. Maybe RTFT.

Nicpem1982 · 21/08/2017 19:16

I agree there's no normal

My parents have never met my dd (2.11) they know I have her but they've never met her

My inlaws cover 3 days a week child care see her in the holidays for sleep overs and regularly pop by with new clothes etc for her

They give her a regular amount of pocket money and also additional money for holidays etc and take her on holiday with them 2/3 times a year

They have a very close relationship with dd

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 21/08/2017 19:17

Pig* I can read, thanks for your concern, but it really isn't required. Perhaps you could learn to interpret rather than being literal ?

Foxyloxy1plus1 · 21/08/2017 19:19

My GCs were on holiday recently and I didn't give them money. But I have them to stay and money is spent on them then, even if it's just ice cream and a meal out.

Many grandparents are on limited incomes and have to cut their coat......

SaucyJack · 21/08/2017 19:19

It isn't wrong for GP to offer pocket money Bonkers.

But it is wrong (IMO) for the OP to expect it, and to be on here complaining that they don't.

It's not as if they don't bother with him. Time spent together is more important.

The OP's son seems to have more quality grandparent time in a month than many other kids I know.

They sound fine to me.

lightgreenglass · 21/08/2017 19:21

nicpem a 2.11 year old gets pocket money? Confused

Nicpem1982 · 21/08/2017 19:24

Light - yes my ils would turn up with stuff every time they saw her and it was too much so mil offered an amount of pocket money instead, if there's something that she wants either ils or us take her to the shops to buy it usually a small board game or dinosaur etc then the residual amount is put into her bank and then mil starts again putting money into dds pig

Glumglowworm · 21/08/2017 19:25

YABU

they're more involved than many grandparents if they have him one night every three weeks.

Your child's father should be more involved yes. His parents though it's entirely up to them.

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