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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I ungrateful re birthday present?

50 replies

jmh740 · 21/08/2017 11:01

It was my birthday last week oh got me a handmade silver necklace from a jeweller in Orkney. It's beautiful I also have a ring from her. The necklace is a silver heart and has 2 of my children's names engraved on it. My first thought when I opened it was but I have 3 children. I did say to oh why isn't ds name on there and he got a bit annoyed and said the pendant only had an option for 2 names. I have ds who is 22 and doesn't live at home and then with oh I have 2 children. First thing dd said was why isn't ds name on it. Oh said he didn't think ds would mind as he is an adult. First thing ds said when he saw it was what about me. I feel a bit sad about it now I did think about emailing the designer and asking if there's anyway to put another name on?

OP posts:
Alanna1 · 21/08/2017 11:03

I would - or get something else to wear with it that has your first DC's name on it.

DoesAnyoneReadTheseThings · 21/08/2017 11:03

Yanbu(ngrateful). That's horrible. I would email the jeweller.

LindyHemming · 21/08/2017 11:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Winter7 · 21/08/2017 11:05

I would email and ask. For me it would feel off wearing it otherwise. I would be quite honest with oh too about this isn't on. Hope you can add the name

Ameliablue · 21/08/2017 11:05

Yabu it sounded such a lovely present until you get to the point of only having 2 out of 3 children's names on there.

PurpleDaisies · 21/08/2017 11:06

I agree, it's awful to leave off one of your children.

MrsOverTheRoad · 21/08/2017 11:08

It's a very weird thing to do in my opinion! Very thoughtless and odd.

Why wouldn't he consider it?

It might be because, if his children with you are his only children, he can't think of an adult as someone's baby...which obviously your DS is! 22 or not he's still your baby!

InfiniteSheldon · 21/08/2017 11:09

That would go back in its box and in a drawer. I'd hoped its thoughtless rather than nasty but i couldn't wear it. If it's going to get another name your dp needs to initiate that.

CurlyBlueberry · 21/08/2017 11:11

YANBU. I would definitely email the designer and not wear it without the names of all my children.

VimFuego101 · 21/08/2017 11:11

I wouldn't want to wear it either. And even if I had the name added, it would still make me feel bad when I wore it. Your DH was very thoughtless.

SleepFreeZone · 21/08/2017 11:12

I'm sure the designer will come up with a lovely idea if you email her and say what's happened. Perhaps a third heartveith your eldest' name on it?

SleepFreeZone · 21/08/2017 11:14

I think unless there's a back story your DH was merely thoughtless and not nasty. Two hearts, they are your two children with him, it's a gift from him, I can see his reasoning.

PoppyH56 · 21/08/2017 11:14

I'm 23 and would be really upset if my mums partner bought her a necklace with my half siblings names on it and not mine. I'd be surprised if it doesn't cause a rift with your DS and OH. Poor boy! See if she can add his name on or like a PP said, get something with his name on to wear if she can't.

emilybrontescorset · 21/08/2017 11:14

Yanbu
I wouldn't wear it.

Ledbury · 21/08/2017 11:24

I sort of don't really see an issue, he put his and yours children's names on it, presumably your two kids together are much younger than your adult son? I think it was a nice gift, and unless he has form for excluding your adult son I wouldn't think anything of it. Everyone is being a little bit precious.

Goingtobeawesome · 21/08/2017 11:27

He's being a twat as he got annoyed with you. I have three children too and have an item of jewellery with all their names on. If I couldn't have had all three I've had had nothing.

tiggytape · 21/08/2017 11:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lifeinthecountry · 21/08/2017 11:33

I'd contact the designer, I'm sure she'll be able to suggest a solution. Perhaps adding another heart with ds name on? I have a similar necklace, two dc names on a heart and the other dc names on small silver tags/other shapes. I wouldn't have let ds see it until I'd found some way to add his name too.

childmaintenanceserviceinquiry · 21/08/2017 11:33

Gosh. Sounds as if he even discussed the number of names with the designer if he "knew" it could only have 2 names on and then he still went ahead. Personally I think that is more than thoughtless. Like others I wouldnt be wearing that until all 3 names (or none) were on the piece. Frankly even then it would always be a bit tainted.

hellomarshmallow · 21/08/2017 11:34

YANBU! I would be upset if DP did the same.

SavoyCabbage · 21/08/2017 11:35

I'm 43 and I think I would feel really put out if my mum started wearing a necklace with my siblings names on and not mine.

3luckystars · 21/08/2017 11:35

I wouldn't wear it either.

I hope you can get all the names on it.

wildbhoysmama · 21/08/2017 11:38

I cannot think why he would do this. My OH bought me a silver necklace from the children last Christmas -.he wouldn't dream of only have DS3 on it (our only child together) DS1 and DS2 were there in their position of 1 and 2 on the necklace. And quite right too.
I get that he knew you love the jeweller, bug he could have emailed her to come up with a solution. If he agrees to this good, if not in the bad books with him!

Underparmummy · 21/08/2017 11:39

I wouldn't wear it and would feel sad that my OH had dismissed my other child. 22 isn't that old.

Tiptoethr0ughthetulips · 21/08/2017 11:43

YANBU.

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