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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I ungrateful re birthday present?

50 replies

jmh740 · 21/08/2017 11:01

It was my birthday last week oh got me a handmade silver necklace from a jeweller in Orkney. It's beautiful I also have a ring from her. The necklace is a silver heart and has 2 of my children's names engraved on it. My first thought when I opened it was but I have 3 children. I did say to oh why isn't ds name on there and he got a bit annoyed and said the pendant only had an option for 2 names. I have ds who is 22 and doesn't live at home and then with oh I have 2 children. First thing dd said was why isn't ds name on it. Oh said he didn't think ds would mind as he is an adult. First thing ds said when he saw it was what about me. I feel a bit sad about it now I did think about emailing the designer and asking if there's anyway to put another name on?

OP posts:

niknac1 · 21/08/2017 11:44

Perhaps ask if the designer has something different that your older child's name can be engraved onto and put with the heart, maybe a different shape possibly flat but by the same designer. I don't think I would refuse to wear it just add to it.

Shadow666 · 21/08/2017 11:46

Surely it would have been better to have no names rather than just some names?

vikingprincess81 · 21/08/2017 11:47

Alison is very approachable, and will easily amend it for you. Give her a quick email/fb message. She has other items that can accommodate 3 names.
I'd be upset too. YADNBU but her jewellery is lovely as is she

HeadfirstForHalos · 21/08/2017 11:47

Yanbu, it would have been better to have not had it engraved at all than leave one child out. Very thoughtless.

C0untDucku1a · 21/08/2017 11:47

The first thing id do is contact the designer and ask whether it was indeed impossible to add a third name.
If she cant, id ask for something with gis name on to add to the necklance.
If she can and it isnt an issue id send it back and ask for it to be amended then seriously question the actions of my husband.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 21/08/2017 11:48

I began reading this thinking that sounds a wonderful present but oh dear that was clumsy of OH.
I don't think posters are remotely 'precious' to think he was thoughtless but each to their own etc.

vikingprincess81 · 21/08/2017 11:49

I have the same necklace but only have 2 dc. Im not sure if she could add name actually now I think about it. She definitely has bracelets where you can have more than 2 names though

vikingprincess81 · 21/08/2017 11:51

Apparently she can add more than 2 names. Not my necklace, but from her website.

Liiinoo · 21/08/2017 11:55

This actually bought tears to my eyes. Your poor son to be left out in that way. I would never be able to wear it. Hopefully the jeweller can amend it in some way. If she can't fit in three names perhaps you could have initials?

Nuttynoo · 21/08/2017 11:55

Don't wear it, or wear it with all the names removed. Your DP sounds like a cock tbh. The gift should never have even been an option as it only had space for 2 DC names.

Copperbeech33 · 21/08/2017 12:01

That is crazy, if all three names couldn't fit, then certainly all three initials could have. definitely get another name engraved on it, or give it back to your partner.

BakedBeans47 · 21/08/2017 12:03

Not BU. Emailing the designer is a good idea

StUmbrageinSkelt · 21/08/2017 12:09

I have gone NC with my DSD but there would be no way ever I would give DH a piece of jewellery with only our children's names on it. That's seriously unkind of yours to do that.

TidyDancer · 21/08/2017 12:12

Oh no that's cruel. Yanbu. At best DH is thoughtless and I would hope this is the case. You can't wear that necklace without the third name.

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 21/08/2017 12:16

The necklace is a present for YOU, and so it should have the names of YOUR three children. It's not about DH and his 'excuse' for leaving DS off, it says that your eldest DS isn't seen by DH as part of your nuclear family.

If you can afford it, I'd be tempted to contact the jeweller and buy yourself another one with all three names on it, and put his at the back of a drawer. I say buy and pay for it yourself because I think pp are right, the one you've just been given will never feel quite right even if you have DS's name added, and will always remind you how thoughtless (at best) or selfish (at worst) your DH has been. Buy this one for you and all your children.

Underthemoonlight · 21/08/2017 12:19

I have three dc two with my DH never in a million years would he get me a piece of jewellery with my children's name on and exclude my eldest child because it he isn't biologically his he's still part of our family so I can completely understand op

MrsOverTheRoad · 21/08/2017 12:29

Viking you do realise there's more than one jeweler in Orkney making necklaces yes?

Urubu · 21/08/2017 12:34

I think unless there's a back story your DH was merely thoughtless and not nasty. Two hearts, they are your two children with him, it's a gift from him, I can see his reasoning
I would tend to agree. For your DH it might have been like a "thank you for the DC you gave me" thing, especially if DC1 is an adult and the otherd are still children.

sassymuffin · 21/08/2017 13:05

Perhaps DH was genuinely being unintentionally thoughtless and didn't consider how this would be incredibly hurtful to you.

I would have a chat to him explain that although it is a lovely necklace it has made you feel sad then explain why. If he then behaves arsey that is when i would be calling him a knob.

Hopefully he will offer to replace or amend the necklace to include all of your children's names.

milliemolliemou · 21/08/2017 13:44

Ask designer if she could redo and just put on the initials?

YANBU.

scottishdiem · 21/08/2017 14:03

I suppose it depends on whatever sentimentality index you and your son operate on. It wouldnt bother me one jot - it took my DP to notice that one of my parents has far more pictures of my sibling than me around their house. And I didnt get the keeping the teeth thing that people do.

However, I would ask that the other child is added. And also talk to him about how he perceives his step-son. And you both need to discuss how you view child/adult sentimentality. This was something that your DH bought to symbolise you, him and your young children. Excluding by age isnt really a bad thing.

vikingprincess81 · 21/08/2017 14:15

Mrsovertheroad you do realise Orkney is a small island and the piece the OP described is very distinctive, and one of the designer's signature pieces yes?
But thanks for the condescension

Underparmummy · 21/08/2017 14:18

Scottish - I believe its actually good practice to keep baby teeth - they can be a source of stem cells if ever needed.

....thats my excuse and I'm sticking to it!

AllTheWittyNamesAreGone · 21/08/2017 14:19

I couldn't wear it as is and I'd want a very serious conversation and apology with dh

vikingprincess81 · 21/08/2017 14:20

The ring was a clue too - there's exactly one designer in Orkney who makes both these items as described, but nice try some people are so rude

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