To feel frustrated about MILs christening comments

[BabyandtheTramp]

Have just booked Christening for DS (first child and first grandchild both sides) in a few months time. Reason for very specific date is that DHs sister lives abroad but will be back in U.K. at that time. She only actually arrives the day before so (Skype calls aside) it will be the first time she has seen her nephew.

MIL upon hearing that date is fixed, had stage whispered conversation with DH tonight in next room - asking whether SIL will be godmother as it would "mean a lot to her".

DH and I had already discussed godparents and said that our siblings (I have a brother) would already have roles being auntie and uncle and as such we chose friends. My brother is quite immature but comes round a lot to see DS and really dotes on him.

I appreciate that SIL isn't in a position to pop round to visit but I'm irritated that MIL is interfering and DH is wavering because "it's tradition to have family" when no suggestion of my brother being godfather.

Am I being unreasonable/still a little too pp hormonal about this?

I don't think it's tradition to have aunties and uncles as godparents. I understood that it was good friends or someone you would be happy to leave your DC with if anything happened to you.

I think that as she is his auntie she shouldn't be godmother. Isn't there another significant woman who can fill that role for him? Especially as SIL doesn't even live in this country!

Yanbu

My siblings and I have three each, one each from either side of the family plus a friend, so I have an auntie and an uncle. But I won't do this myself as I agree, aunties and uncles already have a role to play. You could explain this to MIL but either way it's your decision

A little tip - pick childless, wealthy people. Yes, I am mercenary.

I flew to the US for my nephew's christening, of course I expected to be his Godmother.

God parents are there to guide your child in their religious life. People who take your kids in if you die are guardians. No reason they can't be the same people, but you need to designate a guardian. I didn't have DB as godfather to either of my DC and I did not stand as godmother to his DC. As you say, aunties and uncles already have roles. However, that does not mean that they can't do both.

I thought the norm was to choose close friends, as aunties and uncles already have a role.

Just ignore MIL bonkers notions

Are you Catholics?

I don't know how to tag people yet as I'm a relative newbie to MN but if it makes a difference user, she isn't flying home for the christening. We have booked the christening around her trip home; as we did our wedding incidentally.

The catholic question might be the crux of this - his family are (albeit on-practicing) and my family are CofE (practicing). Wont go into too much detail as that would give me away but suspect there may be a view on DHs side that I have gotten my own way twice as both wedding and christening are CofE... or maybe I'm being paranoid.

I'm relieved view so far is generally IANBU - I've seen people savaged on here haha!

I also think it's people to provide spiritual guidance and not just something to do for a sibling because it's the done thing!

I think that this is one of those issues that it just isn't worth getting in a stew about. We had to have a trade off with our lot - family Christening gown from one side so Godparents from the other. Mother who won the Christening gown still tried to win the Godparents, but we had to put our foot down.

It hasn't made the slightest bit of difference to which aunts, uncles and friends have relationships with the children now nor who bought presents nor got involved in their religious life.

I doubt the children, the godparents, nor any member of the family even remembers who is godparent to whom. We don't have people taking an interest in or buying presents for one child and not the other because they are godparents to one.

If your H wants his sister as godmother, I think you should agree, regardless of you being pissed off with his mum for interfering. It just isn't worth the argument.

I flew to the US for my nephew's christening, of course I expected to be his Godmother.
Why?
Surely you came to see your nephew, not just get a new job title.

Hedda it's definitely the interfering that's irritated me and not the prospect of my SIL (who I really like) as godmother. If DH had said from outset he wanted her then fine but MIL pulling him aside to discuss it made my teeth grind.

We have always had aunties and uncles as godparents. Friends can stop being a part of your life but not the case for family.

Sleeping, I think your sarcasm-meter is broken.

My catholic friends have largely chosen family while my Christian ones have gone for trusted friends.

It sounds like you've thought about your choice so just ignore your MIL.

Sounds a bit like you are making a fuss over nothing really, maybe she just wants sip to feel included, maybe she feels dh's family is being eclipsed by yours? Who knows.

The most important thing is how may people love ds. TBH it sound a bit like you are turning things into unnecessary battles

Fwiw my mum was gutted that I'm not my nieces godparent, I think she was worried about what other people would think and it can be traditional for aunts/uncles to be god parents. I think she thought it would show the cracks in the family

It's a Christian baptism not a Roman Catholic or Protestant baptism.

The Roman Catholic only becomes relevant at time of Holy Communion, although a RC is expected to attend Mass every week and a weekly Church Service is not considered appropriate.

And just to be clear @PurpleDaisies RCs are also Christians.

And definitely, definitely, definitely you as a couple should be selecting the Godparents, not MIL.

We decided not to make any of our siblings godparents as they are already aunties and uncles. It's your decision! One of the godparents lives in the US but regularly facetimes us and we whatsapp everyday. Two of our siblings have only seen DD a handful of times in the past year.

My aunty and uncle are my godparents and I was gutted every year when my siblings got to do things/got presents from their godparents who were not related and they also hung out/got presents with/from my god parents because they are their aunty and uncle too. I hated having aunty and uncle as my god parents. The others had special bonds with theirs.

Friends often move on and drift away.
Ive known countless people have friends - and 10 years later you don't see them at all. Think bridesmaids.
Family generally will always be family.

It seems to be the done thing in my family to make uncles and aunts godparents. Nothing to do with support in Christian upbringing and all about ticking the right boxes the keep people happy.

We chose friends to be our children's godparents as uncles and aunts already have a role, as mentioned before. And we wanted people to help us be better at the religious side!

Traditionally Catholics have aunts and uncles as godparents- I am godparent to several of my nieces and nephews. I think it's bonkers. You need as many people as possible in your children's lives and aunts and uncles are "connected" already. Godparenting is a way to bring on some more.