To feel frustrated about MILs christening comments

[BabyandtheTramp]

Have just booked Christening for DS (first child and first grandchild both sides) in a few months time. Reason for very specific date is that DHs sister lives abroad but will be back in U.K. at that time. She only actually arrives the day before so (Skype calls aside) it will be the first time she has seen her nephew.

MIL upon hearing that date is fixed, had stage whispered conversation with DH tonight in next room - asking whether SIL will be godmother as it would "mean a lot to her".

DH and I had already discussed godparents and said that our siblings (I have a brother) would already have roles being auntie and uncle and as such we chose friends. My brother is quite immature but comes round a lot to see DS and really dotes on him.

I appreciate that SIL isn't in a position to pop round to visit but I'm irritated that MIL is interfering and DH is wavering because "it's tradition to have family" when no suggestion of my brother being godfather.

Am I being unreasonable/still a little too pp hormonal about this?

Your baby, your choice, they've had their turn.

I hope they don't think I've excluded SIL ever we deliberately had wedding at time of year she would be home (she would no doubt have travelled home if not but at great expense) and have done same here - both my suggestion as didn't occur to DH! I also had her as a bridesmaid - as I say we do get on and I wanted to be inclusive.

Ahh bollocks maybe I am totally overreacting 🙈

Wording May be slightly different but in Ireland it's definitely a Christian baptism in both RC and CofI churches.

We were told this by a Priest so checked it with the Vicar and they both agreed.

And just to be clear @PurpleDaisies RCs are also Christians.

That's a matter of doctrine. A lot of the Catholic Church looks like salvation by faith and good works which isn't what the bible says.

Anyway, apologies I'm tired and should have written catholic friends and friends in c of e churches to be clearer earlier.

Why don't you have lots of godparents? DB, SIL and some friends. Then DC will get lots of prezzies! And maybe an inheritance or two... Win win!

I'm going to stick to my belief that a baptism in either church is acceptable to the other.

Myself and DH had to make a choice and checked it all out at the time. And confirmed that if one of our children was baptised in one church they could still worship and commit in the other. Didn't go down well with MIL, but she couldn't argue as priest was backing us. Funny enough she didn't like our choice of Godparents either.

There are a lot of differences between RC and CodI, but surprisingly baptism isn't one of them.

I'm also CofE with a DH who grew up in a Catholic family. We now attend the local (CofE) church together. MIL was annoyed when we announce that DD will be getting dedicated into CofE - both because it's protestant and because it's not a baptism!

We haven't worked out who DD's "godparents" will be, but it's unlikely to be any of our siblings. I would rather "godparents" were people who a) were committed Christians and b) were likely to spend a lot of time with DD or at least ask after her. Our siblings already have aunt & uncle roles.

For the wedding, however, we ended up having a secular ceremony after our original CofE plans fell through. It was excellent for bonding our parents since they were both put out it wasn't in a church!

I must be missing something here with the whole thing of Christenings/Baptisms.

Most of my family are practising Catholics, and I was born in a generation when my parents almost scuttled from the hospital (after mum spent a full week recovering from the birth) to the church for the baptism. Mine and my siblings' godparents were carefully selected from people that my parents knew would help take care of our religious upbringing if something happened to them, and that was that. I knew who my godparents were - an aunt and uncle from each side of the family, and they took no greater part in my life than all my other relatives.They didn't lavish me with solid gold rosary beads at my First Communion or a Gutenberg Bible at my confirmation.

When I came to be a godparent/select godparents, it was the same - simply formalising the role for people that would have a special place in the child's life as they would step in to help with the child's religious upbringing if it became essential.

But then, I suppose it's horses for courses, because I don't ever remember a Christening party becoming a major production. If anything, a cup of tea and cakes for immediate family. Although on second thoughts a cousin pushed the boat out and ordered a pile of KFC stuff because she felt that was easiest. It actually worked well - but we weren't a picky family. I remember that especially because she had chosen two godmothers (of whom I was one) instead of one godparent of both sexes - very radical at the time.

It's about who would be able to provide spiritual guidance to your child - that's what you're asking them to stand up in church and promise. It's not about sharing out roles.

If you think your close friends will do a better job of that than your SIL and your DB, then ask your friends. However in some families (including mine) there is an expectation that family will be considered, provided they are able and willing to provide that spiritual guidance because they're likely to be a permanent part of the child's life whereas friends may come and go.

There is no "required" number of God parents but traditionally it's 3 - 2 of the same sex as the child and 1 of the other sex. Could you potentially include SIL and have more?

Can't you just have two sets? A set of friends and his sister/your brother?
That's the compromise - both siblings involved. Four godparents. Job done.
I thought godparents were either the role models you'd have if religion is important to you or who might adopt them if something happens to you and your other half.

or who might adopt them if something happens to you and your other half.

That's long since been abandoned. Much as I like my godchildren I don't think I'm the best person to parent them in the event of a horrible accident.

I think you should both stick with what you've decided if you waiver and give into your MIL you''ll forever resent her for it!

Remind your DH that it's you child that's getting Christened therefore it's your decision not any of the Grandparents,your MIL got to have her choice when she had DC and now it's yours and your DH's choice.

I am GodMother to my ex husbands DB Daughter(so my DNiece)my SIL chose me because we were good friends and both my SIL and BIL knew that if any of they're DC needed me or my help I'd be there in a heartbeat and they're all Catholic and are from Ireland and my SIL has alot of Sisters and none of her family batted an eyelid about me being chosen as Godmother.

or who might adopt them

That's guardians - wholly unrelated to the role of a godparent

If it were me, I'd organise a 'random' catch-up with the mate that you'd discussed would be godmother, asap, and ask her outright. No more whispers, no more chance for MIL to up her campaign. You've discussed it with DH, had arrived at a decision. Now act on that decision. Then look innocent, and give MIL another christening job to get her teeth stuck into.

But that's me.