To have walked out with my baby

[BrollyDolly]

I suspect I'm not being unreasonable but I've just had to walk out of my mothers house 10 minutes after arriving for dinner with my newborn baby as my 17 yo sister told me to piss off and not come round again if I didn't like it.

This was in response to her winding the dog up and making it bark which on several occasions previously I've asked her not to do as I can't bear the noise.
My mother and her partner sat there and said nothing so I just got up and walked out and have now came home feeling very upset.

My sister has form for this type of attitude and made it clear I would not tolerate this once the baby was here as I don't want them being around that sort of behaviour.

AIBU? Hope that made sense!

In other words, since OP is not the one creating the situation, I don't see why the onus is on OP to make the changes in behavior here to resolve the situation. About time this seventeen year old young woman got a swift kick up the backside and a reality check: her mother might have to put up with her nonsense (while she's living there) but no one else has to, and most will opt not to. Just like OP has.

I'd never leave my 9 year old alone overnight!

I'm speechless.

You both sound as bad as each other. Can't you being the older sister rise above it and act like an adult? It's not fair on your mum to say you won't go around if my sister is there, that's putting your mum in the middle of it. I feel sorry for the dog in all this.

If your mother misses out on time with her DGC, that's because your DM decided not to take control in her own home. It'll be the concequence of your mother's actions, not just your sister's.

As your Mum has a habit of using your sister's poor behaviour to 'win' arguements she doesn't want to have, I would assume she's backing yoru sister re the dog to put you in your place too. Both your Mum and your Sister need to learn that you are an adult who doesn't have to spend any time with either of them if you don't want to and as the parent of your baby, you are the one who gets to decide safety issues and who gets access to your child.

I once ran away from my dds when they were about 12 and 9 - despite my repeated pleas they would NOT stop getting the dog all excited and making her bark and the noise was really doing my head in
I got in the car - Dh was away - and drove over 2 hours to a friend's house and stayed the night. I did take the dog
It was bloody lovely, and I never felt bad about it for a minute
Taught dds a lesson, too. I think they got quite a shock

Absolutely awful parenting. I can't believe you enjoyed leaving your 12 and 9 year old alone overnight, all because you couldn't parent them properly. You shouldn't be proud of this story.

Have you and your sister ever had a good relationship??

....and WOW GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER
Are you really proud of that?? Like really??

Really???

I don't think GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER is going to come back on here, she knows what we all think of her leaving her 12 and 9 year olds alone all night. WHAT IF THERE HAD BEEN A FIRE???

....and WOW GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER
Are you really proud of that?? Like really

She's now a Grandma. I'm guessing it was at least 10 years ago so she will roll out the "it was a lot safer back then" excuse. She also couldn't see the danger in cot bumpers and wanted them for her Granddaughter.

@SomeBerryJam
When she was younger I'd say we did but that was when I lived at home and was minding her a lot. I'd say over the past 5 years and since my parents split that the relationship has deteriorated.
She's very outspoken, opinionated and thinks she knows it all. I'm there when she needs me but seems to forget this most of the time. She dictates to everyone. People outside the family who have seen her behaviour are shocked that she's been able to carry on with her attitude.

@TashaRomanoff I'm not sure how else I should have handled the situation? Would you continue to sit there whilst being spoken down to?

If you want to improve your relationship with dsis then you need to be the adult. I would suggest meeting for short periods, say a coffee to chat about stuff other than family and begin to develop into an adult sibling dynamic rather than the childhood rivalry that still exists.

I wouldn't have liked her behaviour but the situation sounded salvageable with some diplomacy and gritted teeth. She needs to be handed a more adult role as auntie which may result in the long term in a nicer sibling relationship.

**If you want to improve your relationship with dsis then you need to be the adult. I would suggest meeting for short periods, say a coffee to chat about stuff other than family and begin to develop into an adult sibling dynamic rather than the childhood rivalry that still exists.

I wouldn't have liked her behaviour but the situation sounded salvageable with some diplomacy and gritted teeth. She needs to be handed a more adult role as auntie which may result in the long term in a nicer sibling relationship.

This definitely.

Can't you being the older sister rise above it and act like an adult?

Fellow oldest sister here, and that about sums up society's attitude to us in general. Suck it up buttercup, you're the oldest.

YANBU op.

@MatildaTheCat as previously stated she won't do anything with me unless she's getting anything out of it. It's pretty much impossible to engage with her on a serious level. She doesn't appear interested in being an auntie either. Last night was the 3rd time this week I'd had abuse off her and the other 2 times I ignored it and just carried on but was clear last night she wasn't going to give up without reaction of some kind.
There's only so much I can put up with.

She's definitely being jealous and a spoiled brat. And your DM seems to letting her get away with it sadly. I bet it was her partner who had had enough in the end.

im still getting over the fact your mother allowed her ( a child) to basically kick you out

As you are considerably older than your dsis you really need to grow up and stop bickering with a child .

@AldiAisleOfCrap I haven't bickered. I walked out. Please tell me what you'd do in that situation?!

You have more patience than me op.
I would have to her to grow up and stop behaving like a spoilt brat before leaving.
I would also have been telling her that when she can apologise for being a dick you may consider doing things with or for her again but until then you won't.

Too many times dc nearly adults can behave and speak to people like this and I find it v difficult to tolerate.
I have a 19 yr old ds a 12 ye old dd and a 7 ye old dd and all of them will push the limit with how they speak to me or each other and I have a zero tolerance to it.
There's enough negative and nastiness out in the world. Siblings and family should be sticking together.
I have a dsis that I love dearly but she is a v negative and victimised in personality person
Been like it all her life. I don't see her often but every now and then we may meet up for a coffee but that's it as I can't take the moaning and sniping.

Yes mountainview, you're the oldest so you look after your sibs, help them with their homework, treat them with your wages. But don't you dare get pissed off with them when they bait you!!!!