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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have walked out with my baby

71 replies

BrollyDolly · 20/08/2017 18:24

I suspect I'm not being unreasonable but I've just had to walk out of my mothers house 10 minutes after arriving for dinner with my newborn baby as my 17 yo sister told me to piss off and not come round again if I didn't like it.

This was in response to her winding the dog up and making it bark which on several occasions previously I've asked her not to do as I can't bear the noise.
My mother and her partner sat there and said nothing so I just got up and walked out and have now came home feeling very upset.

My sister has form for this type of attitude and made it clear I would not tolerate this once the baby was here as I don't want them being around that sort of behaviour.

AIBU? Hope that made sense!

OP posts:
InvisibleKittenAttack · 20/08/2017 18:54

It's your parents' house, ask them to put the dog out. If they want to prioritise their 17 year old DD's feelings over that of their older DD and DGC, then that's their choice. It's your choice if you want to bother going around again.

Invite your parents to you. Tell them the dog stays at home, you can decide if youwant to invite your DSis or not.

You keep doing the same thing, and having same arguments. time to change what you do. If your parents don't like it, they can deal with the dog in their home.

lifeinthecountry · 20/08/2017 18:55

YANBU OP. I'd be arranging for your mum and dad to come around to your house instead, and avoid going to their house for a while. Also, no more lifts or favours for 'd's. She might just learn that behaviour has consequences.

Mittens1969 · 20/08/2017 19:01

I'm glad your mum's partner called you, it's good that they told your sister that her attention seeking wasn't on. She obviously didn't like sharing the attention with your little baby, and has been used to being the 'baby' of the family.

You're right to be annoyed about her winding the dog up, that's not on at all.

One thing that does happen with siblings, and I've seen it between my DSis and me, is that you can easily go back to being children together. You're the older sister so you need to take the lead in this.

In the meantime, it isn't fair if your DM misses out on time with her DGC, so you should arrange to either visit when your sister isn't there or for them to come to you.

Nanny0gg · 20/08/2017 19:05

So what happens when the baby is crawling and the dog is wound up? What happens when it bites?

Your parents should make sure the dog is under control for everyone's sake.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER
Did you really leave your children alone overnight because they were winding the dog up? Or have I misunderstood?

elfies · 20/08/2017 19:12

Your poor Mum , she must be so upset .

redfairy · 20/08/2017 19:12

If this is the same thing happening over the past two years you need to find a different way of dealing with it. Having the same issues week after week must be tiresome for your parents.

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 20/08/2017 19:17

Omg she's 17. A lot of 17 year olds act like dickhead. If you're the adult you should be a bit more mature. Refusing to go to your mother's house in case she's there? Absolutely ridiculous.

Birdsgottafly · 20/08/2017 19:17

Your Mum has my sympathy.

My eldest and middle DD had to go LC, because neither would compromise/ignore. This was from when my middle DD was 14-18.

Go with the plan of seeing them away from her for a while.

I've had to tell my eldest straight though that she has got to start seeing her younger Sisters as Adults, though and not expect to treat them like children, ordering them about.

Theimpossiblegirl · 20/08/2017 19:21

Your mum's partner sounds like a good person for her to have around.
I think you should take the high ground and act like the grown up here. 17 is still quite young and it does sound like normal sibling stuff coupled with a bit of the green eyed monster.
Can you involve her in some way? Make a fuss of her being the cool auntie, that kind of thing?

PovertyPain · 20/08/2017 19:25

FFS! She's 17yrs old not 17mnths. She's old enough to know better and sounds like a jealous brat. Good for you OP. Hopefully this will put an end to her winding the dog up, or at least your mum or her partner will step in next time. The dog will end up associating your child with that behaviour and could well turn on the baby as a result.

IWantAPinkHouse · 20/08/2017 19:30

GETTING you actually left your 12 and 9 year olds alone for the night whilst you were 2 hours away!?!? That is appalling and I feel very sorry for your dc.

Mittens1969 · 20/08/2017 19:34

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER, I've just read your post again, did you leave your kids overweight?? I'm actually very shocked. 12 years old is definitely not old enjoyed to be left overnight imo, maybe for a course of hours. Social services could be involved in that situation never mind safety concerns.

Viviennemary · 20/08/2017 19:35

You did the right thing walking out. Say you'll only visit if your sister isn't there until she learns to behave properly. Or they can visit you. Awful that your mother and partner sat there and said nothing but I suppose they think anything for a peaceful life living with this brat. Poor you.

SaucyJack · 20/08/2017 19:35

It's your mother I feel sorry for.

Don't stoop to your sister's level next time.

LittleR1e · 20/08/2017 19:41

Sounds stressful, YANBU IMO

Siwdmae · 20/08/2017 19:43

Sounds like your mum and partner are sticking up for you. Good.

I went to visit a friend and her baby today. The dog was weird around me, yowling unless I stroked it, trying to get on my knee, it was clear this was upsetting the baby and I would rather have had cuddles with the baby!

DontJoinMyList · 20/08/2017 19:47

If at 17 I had complained to my mum about having to put the dog in the garden or told my brother and his new baby to piss off out she would have shown me the door.

NotTheDuchessOfCambridge · 20/08/2017 19:49

Sister winds you up, you bite. Sounds about normal to me. Not sure where the baby but comes in.

mmmmnuts · 20/08/2017 19:50

If at 17 I had complained to my mum about having to put the dog in the garden or told my brother and his new baby to piss off out she would have shown me the door.

Right? Why do people keep saying "it's the mum I feel sorry for"? If my 16yo acted like this, they'd have been sent to their bedroom and the dog would be outside. Behave like a child, get treated like a child.

Original poster
BrollyDolly · 20/08/2017 19:54

Apologies if I'm drip feeding. It's not just the dog situation but has been over various situations and even when we have been out together in public having a meal or drink. It has been with just me and parents there or with multiple others too.
She's always been spoilt, not sure if it's because my brother and I are considerably older. She's a clever girl and knows exactly what's she's doing. Probably not helped by my mother who has always used her as a mouth piece to cause arguments so thinks she knows it all. Anything my mother has to say always comes through her.
My mum does spend time with the baby at my home while I get on and do my jobs and I have made it clear I won't put up with anything like this in future. I will go there if my sister isn't there as mum happily puts dog out and mum doesn't bring dog to me. My sister is also of the opinion the dog would never hurt baby but IMO no dog is 100% trustworthy and should not be trusted on its own at any point with the baby even when baby is older.

OP posts:
Original poster
BrollyDolly · 20/08/2017 19:59

My brother and I never got away with anything like that and as adults we would not behave in that way and know better just to walk away from a situation rather than argue the toss. The problem is my sister does not stop until she gets what she wants. I spent a lot of my own childhood with her while parents worked and kind of feel one day she'll realise not to behave like that. I always try and include her in things but she's not interested unless she's getting something out of it for herself. My childhood was of my parents constantly arguing and mother trying to get a rise out of father until he finally left and I don't want my child to be around that sort of thing which is why it has something to do with the baby also.

OP posts:
mmmmnuts · 20/08/2017 19:59

should not be trusted on its own at any point with the baby even when baby is older.

You're spot on there. And an interesting fact: the highest percentage of dog bites to children occur at grandparents' houses. So I would stand your ground on that one. Never leave a baby alone with a dog, no matter whether it's your own dog, a family member's, or whatever.

BannedFromNarnia · 20/08/2017 20:12

Re: dog bites - my PIL have the softest, sweetest dogs you'd ever know. They're a very solid breed, no history of any bad temper at all. And my MIL has lots of small children neighbours that they behave exquisitely with.

But neither of them would ever allow either of the dogs to be unsupervised with children, or around children who tease or pull at the dogs, or wound up for no reason (normal playing not included but also not done near the children).

Because they're not predicatble and it's not fair on dog or child to put them in a situation where either could be hurt.

Original poster
BrollyDolly · 20/08/2017 20:43

@BannedFromNarnia
Very good to hear about your PIL. If only everybody could be like this :)

OP posts:
faithinthesound · 21/08/2017 01:48

In the meantime, it isn't fair if your DM misses out on time with her DGC, so you should arrange to either visit when your sister isn't there or for them to come to you.

But it's a situation that the DM is allowing to happen. OP isn't keeping her DS from his GM - she's saying "sort DSis out, you are her mother". DM in this situation has the choice: stand up to spoiled brat DSis, or not see her DGC as much.

The important thing to remember here is that the ball IS in DM's court - so it's not a case of "DM missing out on time with her DGC", it's a case of "DM making choices to act (or not act) in a way that makes OP not want to take her son around."

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