to wonder whether your patience actually physically runs out after 8 years?

[hooochycoo]

Eight years of "please sit down when you are eating so you don't spill your food and drink" "please walk on the pavement not on the road" "it's not nice to wake people up when they are sleeping" "Only draw on the paper, not on you or the walls or anything else" " please don't snatch, if you want something then ask nicely and wait" " it is not yours so do not touch it" "This is a cafe, not a play park. Sit down" " This is a bus, please sit down or you will get hurt" ...... and my patience had completely and utterly ran out. All that is left if sarcasm, rage and indifference to them.

I love my children but I absolutely hate motherhood.

any other ideas/ direction appreciated. I do feel like I have no idea anymore.

and the thing is that the first few responses on this thread before I said that the kids had learning disabilities are the way I feel about myself sometimes, doubting that it should be this hard. Just get a grip.

and then other people questioning my parenting, saying their behaviour is terrible and because of my parenting.

and having to fight that corner.

i'm exhausted. i hate this

Which learning disabilities? Makes a huge difference as severe dyslexia is quite different to asd or adhd.

Also 5 and 8 are not easy ages and some kids do bounce. You seem to have bouncers! Unless you say they are being assessed for asd in which case ignore this advice then as dm to 3 boumcers with a 5year age gap between the lot, i would suggest stop asking and start telling them followed by consequences. There is a civilised window when they hit pre teen years. I do think its quite common to feel overwhelmed and like its a constant drudge at times. People just dont admit to it.
If they are being assessed for adhd or asd then you need to find what parental support is available in your area and take it up.

They both have severe dyspraxia. dyspraxiafoundation.org.uk/about-dyspraxia/

You're not alone op, it's really hard.

I teach in a special school and summer holidays are too long and hard for lots of families. You have my total respect, I am emotionally and physically exhausted at the end of each school week and as much as I love the children I teach I don't know how families keep on going 24 hours a day X

My DD is six and has ASD. She still uses lidded cups as her coordination is such that spilled drinks are a regular occurance. (I did try normal cups for a while, but the constant clearing up of spilled drinks got me down, and I figured a few more months/years of using lidded cups was preferable to me losing my sanity.)

2 of mine have dyslexia and delayed pricesing of information. So no good giving long instruction it had to be broken down inro each stage as they couldnt remember a sequence of instructions. Speech therapy actually helped with this.
Yep we have the emotional immaturity too and the silliness (still have some of that) also hated sitring still for long periods of time. So firmness and consequences were amd are important. A cpuple of occasions we have turned back from am ouiting due to silliness. It hasnt happened more than twice as the lesson stuck. They know i mean it when i say we'll go home. This is usually when they have really pushed it though.
You have my sympathies op - on the one hand i enjoyed that age on the other i was so anxious about them as evrry term the school review was dire. Meanwhile other kids seemed streets ahead. They do catch up eventually ignores ds2 year 7

sorry for typos really shouldn't mn on phone

I have also the same age DC and I feel your pain.

I did once make them walk home because of their behaviour at the bus stop. That was about a year ago now. And it hasn't been forgotten! (We live up a steep hill.) It took us just under one and a half hours to get home. So now all I have to do is ask if the want to walk home and they sit nicely.

Food is taken off them if they are not at the table. I make them help clean up spills and they are not allowed to continue eating until it's completely clean.

The getting up at 6 I have given up on. I get up then too and go to bed early.

Mine are better now about the road, but DS was nearly knocked over the other day because he dashed out to see the train go past. Fortunately he reacted to my top volume scream of stop (as did the driver). Normally the rule is hand holding, but he's getting too old and big, I don't know how long this can go on for.

I feel like I'm on repeat telling them off for stuff they really should do by now. Totally agree with pp who said pick one thing to work on at a time.
Depends how receptive yours are, but you could explain to them we're working on [this] this week. Simple rules. Sit during meal times. DS is allowed get up twice during the meal, once we give him something to do (fetch drink or yoghurt) and one free pass. If he gets up more often then I assume he's had enough and clear his plate. Also lots of reminders!

thank you.

I struggle with this OP. Something I have found helps me is to focus on the child(ren) who are behaving and praise them, then watch the other(s) fall into line.

For example. One child is standing on their chair at the table, you say:

"Well done (insert name of child sitting nicely), you're sitting so well at the table tonight. That's brilliant and it makes me very happy."

You may find that the standing child sits down and that way you don't feel you're nagging all day long. Likewise, they don't feel like they're being nagged and will listen more on the odd occasion you do need to ask them to stop doing something.

Hope this helps, it has really helped me.

Have you joined any support groups OP? There is a Facebook group for parents who's children have dyspraxia and also a website with a forum.

Here's the links to the groups -

dyspraxiafoundation.org.uk/groups/

m.facebook.com/Developmental-Coordination-Disorder-Dyspraxia-Dyslexia-Support-346864778734790/?locale2=en_GB

Me: Put your shoes on please shorty
DS please put your shoes in
Shoes on please
DS shoes
Shoes now please
For guides sake DS how many times have I said put your shoes on we are going to be late.

DS: huh?

It is tough, very tough. Another Sen teacher here in awe of how parents manage 24 - 7, without an amazing team behind them.
Of summer is long and hard- pick your battles. If spilled drinks are stressing you out- what about cool water bottles? Not so spillable, less mess, one less battle for now.
Sitting- it's hard to stay still. Can you give them something like a mini work put as you are dishing/ just before they need to sit- 10 star jumps/ sit ups/ run to the garden fence type thing. Not to exhaust them- just an opportunity to move.
How long is dinner? Could you sit together for main course, then if they want pudding do it picnic style? Piece of fruit in front of tv for holidays will do no harm!!
Be kind to yourself- you feel like all you do is nag, we see mum who takes on everything, and still Gets kids out and about/ feed proper meals/ always has them organised and with their stuff.

Oh God I know how you feel. My 10 yr old DS2 has ASD & is non-verbal. We've been toilet training for SIX YEARS. His behaviour is totally uninhibited- developmentally he's probably around 3.

I have no real answers, but I have some suggestions... I reduced my expectations significantly. We don't go out to eat with him, I don't bring him to the supermarket etc. Outings are to forest parks, playgrounds, beaches. Our families are great & we are always welcome to their parties etc, but I only bring him to ones that involve the outdoors!

Sometimes MIL tries to encourage me to bring him to restaurants, but I never do. I just tell her that no one would be having fun - not him & not us. What I'm saying is by keeping things simple you are giving them a chance at success.

Another suggestion is to have your hormones checked. I had a horrible spell last year with awfully low mood & energy. I had decided that I must be depressed, when I was actually menopausal. HRT saved my sanity.

Final suggestion is audiobooks! The constant repetition - traipsing round the same places, or being stuck at home watching CBeebies... I honestly felt so trapped and desperate. I started listening to audiobooks on my phone via headphones, it's completely changed my

Sorry posted too soon! But I'd said what I wanted to say (too much?)

I feel for you. You're not alone. Patience is finite. You have to replenish it by putting your own happiness on the list of things that need to be done.

Oh definitely about the restaurants. We don't go. Unless there is a huge indoor play area or outdoor if it's good weather. I refuse, I've had enough, it's too stressful. We don't do cafés, we do a flask on a bench in the park if we're meeting with people. Or a drink and a bun on a bench in town (emergency) usually I just tell them to wait until we get home. No 'nice' restaurants. If the IL suggest I always counter suggest a walk and a picnic!

DS is being assessed for ADHD (inattentive type), fairly sure both he and DD have it.

They do not listen. They do not learn. They cannot fathom that actions have consequences. They literally have memories like sieves

It is utterly exhausting. And I am often made to feel like I should just try harder.

It's soul destroying.

Yeah people often insinuate that you're just not strict enough.

"They do not listen. They do not learn. They cannot fathom that actions have consequences. They literally have memories like sieves

It is utterly exhausting. And I am often made to feel like I should just try harder.

It's soul destroying."

Completely agree :-(

Thank you everyone. Exhausted tonight, but reading and grateful

Have a look at the book 10 Days to a Less Defiant Child. If you think of it as 10 steps rather than days, it's actually quite helpful.

One of the things it makes clear is that this defiance is very frequently rooted in additional needs and a lack of social maturity, and it teaches you techniques to deal with the defiance, and also how to go back to feeling positive about your children.

I found it very helpful.

Yes. We're on holiday with ours atm and is so stressful. We said today that the whole resort must know our kids names by now as we are bawling at them so often
Eldest is 12 and being assessed for ADHD and HF ASD. Also full on with puberty and therefore alternates between over excited incessant talking/ leaping around and throwing strops and storming off. Youngest is 3 and (I think) just really bloody naughty spirited but lots of tantrums and running off (kids club has been heavily utilised!!!) Today she left the apartment without us realising and took the lift up to the 5th floor on her own. The whole of the resort staff (and us) were young beserk trying to find her. When we did she was laughing her head off.
Despite the age gap they wind each other up. We went out in the car today and the arguing/screeching was so unbearable we both almost cried. We confessed to each other how much we long for the sort of holidays we used to have as just a couple. We really wanted children and we love them to bits but this wasn't what I would have imagined in a million years.

Place marking OP and offering you a hug and and . I think you were bloody brave to post how you were feeling and I want you to know you're not on your own, even though you no doubt bloody well feel that you are. I have no magic solutions sadly but am going to lurk here to see what works for other people. Thank you for starting the thread x