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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To object to this or is DH right and I'm being grumpy?

45 replies

RetirementCarriageClock · 20/08/2017 11:12

MIL FaceTimes DH most days to speak to him and see the kids.

This in itself is not a problem.

The problem is that if I'm sat quietly doing something and/or am in my PJs with no makeup on, looking rough, AIBU to object to having DH's phone shoved in my face and put on the spot to have a FaceTime conversation with MIL? I hate it but DH thinks I'm just being rude and unfriendly.

If it was a voice call it wouldn't be so bad, although he would still be interrupting me and forcing me to have a conversation, but at least I wouldn't feel all weird because I'm not dressed properly and have massive dark circles under my eyes that I can see in the little corner screen .

I never force him to speak to my DM when she phones. AIBU to object?

OP posts:
Nocabbageinmyeye · 20/08/2017 11:15

Absolutely nbu, that would really irritate me, he is being really rude actually

JeReviens · 20/08/2017 11:16

YANBU at all. That would make me very stabby and it IS rude.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 20/08/2017 11:17

He's rude.

ChickenBhuna · 20/08/2017 11:18

I'd hate that too.

It's like having a camera pointed in your face or having to answer the phone when you're trying to switch off. Two of my most hated things.

I am a self-confessed anti social , introverted bugger though Smile

hannah1992 · 20/08/2017 11:21

Yanbu if it annoys you. However I don't think your mil would care whether you had a face full of make up or not

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 20/08/2017 11:22

What about calling out off camera "hello MIL! I'm not joining in the Facetime cos I've got my PJs on /look like shit/am having a shit" (delete as appropriate)

Dina1234 · 20/08/2017 11:26

No, if you don't want to talk you don't have to.

justilou1 · 20/08/2017 11:28

You should pass it to him when he's on the loo. I hate bloody FaceTime. Makes me feel like I'm in the Jetsons or something...

Decaffstilltastesweird · 20/08/2017 11:28

Yanbu. I think your DH IBU.

FrancisCrawford · 20/08/2017 11:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Loopytiles · 20/08/2017 11:40

Your DH is being very rude and invading your space and time.

Justgivemesomepeace · 20/08/2017 11:44

I hate this. My dd does this from time to time with her dad. She wanders round the house chatting and showing him stuff. It feels like he's in my house. I hate it if I'm scruffy, the house is untidy or her little bro is being a pain and I'm trying to deal with him. It's invasive I think.

Goingtobeawesome · 20/08/2017 11:52

Doesn't matter why you don't want to FaceTime. You don't. End of. your dh is being a twat to insist. Tell him not too then walk away and go and have a locked bubble bath while he face times her. But really you need to make him stop. You shouldn't have to leave the room to make him leave you alone.

WooWooSister · 20/08/2017 11:56

YANBU but I also think you sound unfriendly to your MIL because you list so many conditions to make it acceptable ie full face of makeup, not in PJs, not feeling that you look rough, arranged in advance, etc. Stop listing the conditions. If you don't want to talk to MIL on FaceTime, tell your DH that. And when he brings the phone over, shout 'sorry MIL, I hate FaceTime. I'll speak to you at x instead'.
Of course if you happily FaceTime everyone else then your MIL and DH will take it personally.

TheFirstMrsDV · 20/08/2017 11:56

I would launch his phone out the window.

stormytherabbit · 20/08/2017 12:01

I'd rather die than have my MIL forced on me

SheSaidHeSaid · 20/08/2017 12:06

YANBU. I don't get why you have to be in on the phone call. No offence but I'm sure she wants to speak to your DH and your kids more than you anyway (I genuinely mean that in the nicest way possible).

happystory · 20/08/2017 12:09

My guess is he's running out of things to say (every day?? Jeez) and hopes you'll help him out a bit . Tough titties. I loved my MIL but would have struggled to talk to her every day on the phone

FizzyGreenWater · 20/08/2017 12:14

Turn FaceTime into RetirementDisappearsBehindALockedDoorTime.

YANBU op!

Slimthistime · 20/08/2017 12:15

I think FaceTime is really intrusive for this reason, I wouldn't let my own mum do a Face Time call.

MissHavishamsleftdaffodil · 20/08/2017 12:21

Argh I have a sibling who will insist on barging into my house without warning, bringing current girlfriend with them. I don't care about the sibling seeing my hair unwashed, wearing raggy pyjamas and with the house in chaos, I grew up with them - I do NOT have that level of intimacy with someone outside my immediate family and don't appreciate it being forced on me!

When I protest, i get told breezily, 'oh but so and so doesn't mind!'

But I bloody do!

dudsville · 20/08/2017 12:21

God I hate all versions of facetime. For me the questions is why hasn't your OH learned that he can do his thing and you can do your thing and those two things can sometimes be different? Is he trying to make a point, express his anger about something else through this, or hoping he'll coerce you into doing things his way???

Sparkletastic · 20/08/2017 12:23

YANBU
DH knows not to inflict any of his mother's FaceTime calls on me or divorce would ensue.

Peachyking000 · 20/08/2017 12:24

I would hate this, but instead of outright refusing, I would maybe disappear out to the kitchen to make a coffee or something.

Hassled · 20/08/2017 12:27

I hate Facetime with a passion. I don't photograph well and I sure as hell don't Facetime well. As a result I don't speak to the lovely relative who seems to think it's the only form of communication worth using nearly as much as I'd like to. If someone forced me to Facetime I'd have a complete hissy fit.