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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To object to this or is DH right and I'm being grumpy?

45 replies

RetirementCarriageClock · 20/08/2017 11:12

MIL FaceTimes DH most days to speak to him and see the kids.

This in itself is not a problem.

The problem is that if I'm sat quietly doing something and/or am in my PJs with no makeup on, looking rough, AIBU to object to having DH's phone shoved in my face and put on the spot to have a FaceTime conversation with MIL? I hate it but DH thinks I'm just being rude and unfriendly.

If it was a voice call it wouldn't be so bad, although he would still be interrupting me and forcing me to have a conversation, but at least I wouldn't feel all weird because I'm not dressed properly and have massive dark circles under my eyes that I can see in the little corner screen .

I never force him to speak to my DM when she phones. AIBU to object?

OP posts:

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 20/08/2017 12:34

I would hate this, but instead of outright refusing, I would maybe disappear out to the kitchen to make a coffee or something.

Sounds like he'd follow her into the kitchen brandishing his phone.

If you don't FaceTime your mum you can't turn the tables on him, but I'd be looking for times when he's sitting quietly and chilling out and then interrupt him by insisting that he talks to you. When he gets ratty about it, point out that he does the same to you every day - and that at least you've done it deliberately to make a point, he does it and thinks it's OK.

KurriKurri · 20/08/2017 12:38

Doesn't really matter what he thinks does it ?
You've told him you don't like it, you've asked him not to do it that should be the end of the conversation. Or is he OK with you forcing him to do things he doesn't like or that make him uncomfortable?

diddl · 20/08/2017 12:51

"MIL FaceTimes DH most days to speak to him and see the kids."

If he doesn't want to talk or can't think of something to say he needs to end the conversation.

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 20/08/2017 13:11

My husband and I used to argue about this too. YANBU.

Redredredrose · 20/08/2017 13:16

DP talks to his parents every Sunday and I always am forced to have a quick chat with MIL. It's not completely awful as I do like her and we generally only chat for 5-10 minutes, but still sometimes I really don't feel like it and if I try to say 'no', DP doesn't like it. I would draw the line at FaceTime! YADNBU.

FeelingAggrieved · 20/08/2017 13:20

YADNBU. Fuck that!

MimiSunshine · 20/08/2017 13:21

Just start doing it back to him. Doesn't matter if you don't FaceTime your mum, next time without warning just force the phone on him and see how he likes it.

Sometimes you have to show not tell

BillBrysonsBeard · 20/08/2017 13:24

I love my MIL but would hate this, DP is her son so he should do the talking.. I have always done something else when they skype.

lynmilne65 · 20/08/2017 13:43

There are no words to express my feelings re facetime,

lynmilne65 · 20/08/2017 13:44

DubiousCredentials · 20/08/2017 14:22

I hate FaceTime and have disabled it on my phone. However that doesn't stop people video calling me via whatsapp and Facebook messenger, neither of which seem to have an option to disable the feature

Catandtwodogs · 20/08/2017 14:23

This would really upset me.

Aquamarine1029 · 20/08/2017 14:26

You are not being unreasonable at all. I fucking HATE video calling and won't do it. Your husband is being totally disrespectful shoving his sodding phone in your face like that. I would tell him the next time he does it his phone will be FaceTime-ing from the bottom of the fucking toilet.

notanotherNC · 20/08/2017 14:26

I would refuse to speak to my mum on the phone every day let alone FaceTime. YANBU. Why the hell is HE doing it everyday? He sounds like a right mommy's bit. How grim.

notanotherNC · 20/08/2017 14:27

I meant MIL not mum... Although I wouldn't actually want to FaceTime my mum every single day either.

AnneLovesGilbert · 20/08/2017 14:31

Everyday?! I love my family but we have a WhatsApp group and people check in it share stuff on that. No need for nagging FaceTime.

Don't want till next time and don't treat it as a one off by walking away. Calmly tell him it's fine if he wants to speak to her everyday but you will offer to say hi to her when you feel like it and when you don't suggest it you won't be engaging and you'll hang up if he passes the phone to you.

He's being ridiculous.

SaS2014 · 20/08/2017 14:36

If you arrange prior to the call to speak to her it's fine but to have it forced on you is unacceptable! I'd be livid. As a one off you can forgive but regularly absolutely no way!
I'd start going for a bath at the time he calls her. So as he starts call go into bathroom lock door then start running it so that he can't/won't hold her on waiting till your done. He might eventually get the hint. Tho you'd think just being told to bloody stop it would be enough!

Siwdmae · 20/08/2017 14:46

Can't you just tell him you don't want to do this? No need to get all confrontational, do the shit sandwich: DP, you know I love your mum, but I the face timing, it makes me uncomfortable, I will talk to her when I want and call her during the week. Give it a go. I'd be stabby if DH did this to me.

LakieLady · 20/08/2017 15:02

YANBU. He's being a dick.

FT is so invasive. I don't do it, and am delighted that DP has no desire to.

metalmum15 · 20/08/2017 15:18

Is your Mil lonely? What on earth do they find to talk about every day? YANBU though, I would make a point of leaving the room every time he does it until he gets the hint. It's his mother, not yours.

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