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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think this is a bit cheeky?

49 replies

KitKat1985 · 20/08/2017 10:20

DD1 has been invited to a child's birthday party. It's an outdoor party at a location that will be free to visit (think nice park etc). All fine and lovely, and I've been to some lovely parties where the venue was outdoors and free. But the bit that has irked me slightly is that the Mum has stated on the invite that we need to supply our own food and drink. Surely if you are doing a birthday party then you supply the food and drink? Or am I being unreasonable and should just accept that the Mum is short on money and doing it on a budget?

OP posts:

EssentialHummus · 20/08/2017 10:24

She's either doing it on a budget or imagining a picnic type affair, where it's easier for every family to sort their own food rather than have her accommodate a zillion different diets. I think it sounds great!

chickenowner · 20/08/2017 10:26

Maybe the family can't afford food for everyone, but still want their DC to have a nice birthday party?

Mrscropley · 20/08/2017 10:28

It's a picnic meet up not a party!!

Gottagetmoving · 20/08/2017 10:33

It's a nice day out for the children to celebrate a friends birthday. If you think she is being out of order not providing the food, then don't go.
It's your choice.
An invite can stipulate whatever the person wants and its up to you if you accept.

lightcola · 20/08/2017 10:35

I am shortly looking to hold a very low budget birthday party for my son as money is beyond tight here. I would hate to think people would be judging me on something like that. Why should my son/her child miss out on having all their friends round to celebrate their birthday?

Peachyking000 · 20/08/2017 10:36

It's a meet up rather than a party technically, but tbh I'd rather bring my own stuff for a picnic. As a picnic is generally cheap and cheerful to assemble, I don't think it's that cheeky

Allthewaves · 20/08/2017 10:38

both my kids have food allergies so i'd be kissing this mum. For once my kids get to be same as everyone else at the party

greendale17 · 20/08/2017 10:39

YANBU-I have the same thinking that when someone is hosting they provide at least foos

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 20/08/2017 10:40

Wait until you get the teenage party invitations- come to my 13 th paint balling birthday party ( you pay though!)

I've done picnics in the park for birthdays and always provided food.

Dina1234 · 20/08/2017 10:41

That's just very rude. If you throw a party you pay for it.

Underthemoonlight · 20/08/2017 10:42

Is she hosting as a party and inviting the full class or is it a meet up at the park? If it's the latter than she's being cheeky. The whole point in hosting a birthday normally is you pay the venue and put food on and the invitees bring a present with them. Regardless if people are on a budget it's bad form to expect people to come to a venue with no entertainment for the children then to add further expense they have to also bring their own food plus a present the invitee is ineffect funding the party not the host. I would decline the invite if it was brushed up as a party however different if it was a close friend and it was meet up on their child's birthday.

Underthemoonlight · 20/08/2017 10:48

lightcolaAre you really going to host a party for your son and not pay for entertainment or food? There's been times where we couldn't give the dcs are party every year either we couldn't afford it or the a day out instead or I got them a bigger present. Kids don't need to have birthday party's every year but the invitees shouldn't have to share the expense so your DS gets a party.

MrsOverTheRoad · 20/08/2017 10:52

I think it's a BIT off. It's not a party but a communal picnic.

We're having DD"s party in a park next year but we'll be providing the picnic food!

JuicyStrawberry · 20/08/2017 10:53

I know it's the norm for the host to provide food and drink at a children's birthday party, but it wouldn't really bother me if I was asked to bring a packed lunch to the park if I'm honest. I imagine it would be a right faff bringing trays of food along to the park.
If it was at the host's house or at a play centre I would be a bit .

MissionItsPossible · 20/08/2017 10:54

I think YABU. She has invited you to a party, let you know the terms and conditions of said party beforehand and now the choice whether to go or not is yours. She would be in the wrong if it didn't mention this on the invite but she has.

Summerswallow · 20/08/2017 10:55

I think it's fine to issue an invite saying 'we are having a 'bring your own' picnic event to celebrate X's birthday' at such and such a place. Styling it as a party is a bit off as it isn't really their party as such. I would slightly raise an eyebrow at such an event, as it is odd to have a party in which you don't provide even squash and some crisps from Poundland, but there you go. Judging by the responses here, everyone loves a 'bring your own food and drink' party- why have I been paying out £££ all these years having parties where I pay for all this stuff then and all the other parents I know?!

viques · 20/08/2017 10:58

Sounds fine to me, carting food and drink for perhaps 15 to 20people would be a nightmare, much easier if everyone brings their own. she might also be bringing games to play, cake, candles, maybe even party bags.

I would take your picnic and have a great time, the kids will have space to run and play, no one will worry about messing up someone's house, no vast amount of money going to a rip off venue, a lovely idea. have fun.

thecatsarecrazy · 20/08/2017 10:58

I'm sure I've seen this before

pictish · 20/08/2017 10:59

Yanbu. It is cheeky.

AntiGrinch · 20/08/2017 11:05

I think this is fine, because she is being up front about what the day entails. If you are hung up on money and relative costs of things, don't bring a present or bring a token from the £ shop.

Either she is doing this because she is extremely short of money, and without doing this her child wouldn't have a party - in which case good on her, for thinking something up that works; or she is doing it because she is non materialistic and doesn't realise that some people are always watching the relative flow of money, in which case good on her; or she is doing it because she is materialistic and doesn't want to pay for things, in which case, who cares - just do what you want to do, allow your child to have fun with other children and don't put more money into the day than you feel you would like to

DonutCone · 20/08/2017 11:08

Not cheeky if just a picnic on his birthday.

Very cheeky if she expects you to bring a present like at a normal party.

Gottagetmoving · 20/08/2017 11:13

Oh ffs! It's not cheeky. You either go or not. The invite tells you it's bring your own food, there is no deception. You don't get to decide on the rules you just decide if they suit you enough to go.
It's a fun day for kids.

Northend77 · 20/08/2017 11:13

I personally think it's cheeky and not something I would have the gall to do. If I couldn't afford to host a big party then I just wouldn't have one. I presume she's also expecting invitees will also bring a present for her child?!

5rivers7hills · 20/08/2017 11:14

It is a picnic get together.

Don't bother with a gift.

AfunaMbatata · 20/08/2017 11:15

It's not really a party is it?

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