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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think this is a bit cheeky?

49 replies

KitKat1985 · 20/08/2017 10:20

DD1 has been invited to a child's birthday party. It's an outdoor party at a location that will be free to visit (think nice park etc). All fine and lovely, and I've been to some lovely parties where the venue was outdoors and free. But the bit that has irked me slightly is that the Mum has stated on the invite that we need to supply our own food and drink. Surely if you are doing a birthday party then you supply the food and drink? Or am I being unreasonable and should just accept that the Mum is short on money and doing it on a budget?

OP posts:
AfunaMbatata · 20/08/2017 11:15

No idea why the blush is there Hmm

Original poster
KitKat1985 · 20/08/2017 11:15

Okay, mixed responses so I'm going to say that maybe I'm being a bit unreasonable. I'll undoubtedly take DD anyway to the party, as I'm sure DD1 will have a great time regardless, and I'd feel sad for the mother's DS if not many people came, but it just seems a tad off to me.

OP posts:
ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 20/08/2017 11:22

I went to a picnic party like this and assumed that all the food would be pooled together and shared. But no, everyone sat and ate their own food which meant we were stuck with a cheesecake for lunch. Grin

TheLittleShirt · 20/08/2017 11:37

How was the invitation actually worded, did it use the word 'party' or did it just invite your DC to celebrate X's birthday?

Mittens1969 · 20/08/2017 11:47

I would be fine with this; my DDs are very fussy and sometimes it's a bit awkward if someone provides a picnic as they won't eat any of it, apart from crisps. At least this way I can prepare food that I know they will eat.

I suppose the only thing is, I wouldn't really call it a party, because imo when you organise a party you provide the food and entertainment and the guests give the presents.

You should invite people to a picnic at the park to celebrate (DC)'s birthday.

I'm assuming they are at least bringing the birthday cake?

AppearingNormal · 20/08/2017 11:48

You'd be feeding your child anyway, so take a sandwich and chill out. Bloody hell.

EssentialHummus · 20/08/2017 11:48

Grin ILostIt

I actually think it's great. There's no rule afaik that "party" = parent spending loads of dosh on something. This kind of thing sounds relaxed and fun. I'm not short of cash (if that's the motivation in this case) and would love to do a picnic party where everyone brings sarnies or whatever and I bring along a cake, party games and whatever else.

LadyMaryCrawley1922 · 20/08/2017 12:30

Maybe the family can't afford food for everyone, but still want their DC to have a nice birthday party

I can't afford laser tag and pizza for everyone, but I still want DC to have a nice birthday party. Can I invite the whole class but tell them they have to pay for themselves?

emmyrose2000 · 20/08/2017 12:33

It's rude and ridiculous to not supply the food for your own kids' birthday party.

My kids had/have parties every year and it's never occurred to me (or anyone I know) not to foot the bill for the entire thing, whether it be standard party at home or a visit to a theme park/restaurant/activity.

Motherdick · 20/08/2017 12:36

My friend did this although she put food on for the children. We took a picnic for ourselves but I know I wouldn't have minded taking a picnic for our whole family. I think it's a lovely idea especially if they don't have much money but still want to do a party for their child.

emmyrose2000 · 20/08/2017 12:38

Maybe the family can't afford food for everyone, but still want their DC to have a nice birthday party

Maybe one or more of the guests can barely afford food that week, but now they're expected to either scrimp/go without other things so they can attend a friend's birthday party, or miss out on a social activity altogether.

LoyaltyAndLobster · 20/08/2017 12:41

YANBU - food and light refreshments should be provided.

Gottagetmoving · 20/08/2017 17:35

It's rude and ridiculous to not supply the food for your own kids' birthday party

Really? It's THAT bad? Hmm

AfunaMbatata · 20/08/2017 17:44

It's poor hosting at the very least. Doesn't cost much to make children's sandwiches and rice crispy cakes. A bottle of diluting juice and some cups and you're ready.

NeonFlower · 20/08/2017 18:12

If they do cake and some games then I would think that would be lovely. It beats the arms race type escalation of one upmanship party activities anyway (which I have been guilty of in the past).

NerrSnerr · 20/08/2017 20:50

I'm surprised people have said it's rude. My daughter has been invited to a similar party next month and I thought it sounded lovely. You know the terms as it's on the invitation so if it's not for you then politely decline.

Winterview · 21/08/2017 07:15

I think it's rude and tight! You don't invite people to celebrate your child's birthday then ask them to supply the food! Presumably people are making an effort to attend, will feel obliged to bring a gift etc. The host should at least provide some rolls, cake, crisps etc.

fuckoffdailysnail · 21/08/2017 07:51

My nieces party was at London aquarium, it wasn't until we all got there we realised we each had to pay the entrance fee, (£22 each), buy our own lunch in the cafe and that there was no cake or party bags Hmm some families left at the entrance as it was just ridiculous to cover it up as a party and it was expensive
Very bloody cheeky
This year her party was at a farm which turned out to be everyone paying for them selves again (£6 each) buying their own lunch and no party bags or cake again!!
I wouldn't mind a picnic in the park and bringing my own but SIL really takes the piss with 'parties'

Original poster
KitKat1985 · 21/08/2017 08:00

Wow your SIL is really bloody cheeky fuckoffdailysnail

OP posts:
missiondecision · 21/08/2017 08:09

I don't think it's a big deal to take some picnic food.
Yabu. Maybe she doesn't have spare cash .
Maybe she can't be arsed to offer a veggie option, a nut from free option, a gluten free option.
It's a get together with friends. If you don't like it, don't go.
I wish more parents did this relaxed casual hosting then maybe the competitive party wars can stop.

NevermindtheBollocks · 21/08/2017 08:18

Very normal round me to do this!

NataliaOsipova · 21/08/2017 08:26

I wouldn't go so far as to say it's rude, but I agree it seems a little odd. I saw some people in the park at the weekend having what looked like a lovely party for a small child. They'd got a picnic table up with some bunting and balloons and a cake with some fun decorations. Six or so kids and their parents, all having a lovely time. I actually commented to my DH what a nice idea it was - and they probably could have done it all for about £20, rather than the hundreds involved with venue hire and entertainers etc.

But - unless you're absolutely on your uppers, it does seem either tight or as though you can't be bothered not to make a few sandwiches and buy a cake that the children can share! I went to a similar "bring your own" picnic, which was fine. Knowing the mother, I am pretty certain it was that she couldn't be bothered to do food rather than she couldn't afford it, but up to her. There was a bit of a strange atmosphere around it, though as a) there were many emails beforehand from people asking if they were supposed to take a present and b) the kids didn't all sit and eat together and share the food, which I think is a real benefit of the party scenario. Nothing wrong with it as such, but it didn't feel like a party.

christinarossetti · 21/08/2017 08:27

Sounds sensible to me. Having held a number of birthday parties in which some children don't like the food provided (pizza...), I think this sounds stress free for everyone involved.

Hopefully, birthday parents will provide games and cake.

A friend of mine does 'parties' as an invite to the park with cake provided. It gets the back up of people who invite her children to their expensive Go Ape type parties, but I kind of admire her style

abigailgabble · 21/08/2017 09:27

it's a bit off but as we are talking about near enough pennies here (for your DC only) does it really matter that much? yes they might be tightarses or they might be really skint and trying to make the best of if. either way the financial impact on you isn't great - you would be feeding your DC if they weren't going too. so ¯(ツ)/¯

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