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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Potty training SOS

70 replies

AloeVeraSeeYaCilla · 19/08/2017 17:59

Posting for traffic.

Little boy of 2.9. Tried potty training last month and after two or three days we gave up as he wasn't getting it. Started again this week and he seemed to finally be getting it. Nursery reported back that he was doing well and they were taking him to the toilet every 20-30 minutes. At home he's not been as cooperative. I'm trying to take him to the loo every half hour but also have a baby to look after. Problem is I've asked for advice from quite a few people and now my head is confused!! To sum up, he sometimes wees when taken to the loo but he'll only go to the toilet if there's a reward in it for him. To me he should want or need to go. I ask him if he needs to go, he insists he doesn't and then wees in underwear. As he's weeing he says he needs to go to the toilet but it's too late.

So do I:

Stop and revert back to nappies and try again in a month - my gut feeling.
Carry on and just keep persevering. MIL thinks I should as returning to nappies again will confuse him again.

I know I'm asking for more advice which will probably confuse me more but I really don't know what to do.

Don't want to drip feed the story but in very tired so may have missed bits out.

OP posts:

Original poster

AloeVeraSeeYaCilla · 19/08/2017 22:59

She has a potty there but he chose not to use it...

OP posts:

Original poster

AloeVeraSeeYaCilla · 19/08/2017 23:00

Cecily....I think person was suggesting I was being unfair keeping him in nappies / keeping him like a baby?! I dunno tbh.

OP posts:

summerholidayhat · 19/08/2017 23:08

Do you let him in the bathroom when you are using the toilet? I find potty training is much easier if they have always been aware adults use toilets, or around older sibling who use potties.

Snausage · 19/08/2017 23:14

Don't give up, OP! Perseverance is the key! If he's conscious of needing a wee (even if it's whilst weeing) he sounds ready to me. I started potty training DS at 2.3 (he is now 2.11) and it took a week or so. I took the potty with us EVERYWHERE.

At first, I sat him on the potty every 30 minutes. After a week it was every hour. He has had 3 accidents since being potty trained. In all honesty, I would've left it later if nursery had not made it clear that he was showing signs of being ready. They were also really supportive and persistent. My understanding from subsequent research is that boys are lazy and I'm certain that had we not pushed ahead, my son wouldn't have "been ready" until he was 5.

The difficulty was with poos. He just would not do a poo in the potty or on the loo, and would cry for a nappy and hold it in for 6 days until his arse exploded. It took a lot of bribery (Lego, Playmobil, magazines) to do a poo in the potty. Now he happily sits on the loo telling me he's doing "a giant one".

I still take changes of clothes whenever we leave the house, and he does wear a pull-up at night. that's my lazy fault and next week he will be going to bed without a pull-up on.

It may seem like a pain, but it is so worth it! Within a couple of weeks you'll be so glad you kept it up!

OvariesBeforeBrovaries · 19/08/2017 23:20

When he's ready, it will happen.

I was tearing my hair out with DD. Friends with similar age babies were potty training them at 2.5 and kept posting about weeks of accidents and tantrums. Every time I tried, DD screamed at the potty and screamed if we put her in pants. No amount of bribery would help.

She's now 3.4 and one day asked to use the toilet. She fetched her little step and her seat, put it on the toilet, did a wee and asked for pants. That was two weeks ago and we've had one accident since. She'll go to the toilet anywhere, including out and about. No fuss, no stress.

When they're ready, they'll get it. You're not doing your DC a disservice at all - you're being attuned to his needs and letting it move at his own pace, which will be of much greater benefit to him.

littletwofeet · 19/08/2017 23:25

Go with your gut instinct, you know him best.

If you leave it, you won't 'undo' any progress, don't worry.

I think generally there are two ways of doing it-those that 'train' so taking them to the toilet frequently / reminding that they need to go / put up with accidents / often bribes/rewards for going
Or
Those that don't train and just wait till they are completely ready, so they are able to recognise before they need a wee and hold it in time to get to the toilet. But most inportantly, they WANT to do it so they are self motivated and you don't need to bribe them/keep reminding them, etc.

I waited until mine chose to do it themselves. I used to sit them on the toilet quite often before a bath and once they could wee on demand every time, i asked every now and then if they wanted nappies or pants.

Once they were ready, they just went to the toilet, no potty used. No accidents and no reminding (unless before a long car journey or if we were out for the day and passing a toilet or something) but not asking them every hour or whatever if they needed to go.

There is no right or wrong way so do whatever is best for you. I was happy to wait and not have the stress and accidents to clean up.

Summergarden · 19/08/2017 23:37

Feel your pain, OP. My DS is 3.3 yrs and we seem to be getting nowhere with potty training. I know I shouldn't but I can't help getting stressed out about it now because he's due to start at the school nursery who have made clear they expect children to be toilet trained when starting there. No idea what to do.

Ilovechocolate111 · 20/08/2017 00:06

My youngest is 3 in December and I've never told him to go to the potty. The other day I just put the potty in the garden and then he shouted mummy wee wee. So hes took his nappy off and did a wee.
I really wouldn't push your boy to go the toilet he will get there in his own time. Schools and pre schools expect you child to read dictionary by 3.... kids are getting pushed to hard imo. He'll get used to it. Does he even get the feeling yet or dies he just say he needs a wee for a treat? Atb x

Ilovechocolate111 · 20/08/2017 00:07

does not dies

Original poster

AloeVeraSeeYaCilla · 20/08/2017 18:39

So things not going much better. Yesterday had mostly accidents. He's saying he needs the toilet /wee as he's going. Today we've gad two poos in pants and only two wees in potty/toilet. Tomorrow marks a week of second attempt. Think DH and I have decided that unless there's a dramatic change at nursery tomorrow we will stop. I think he's only seemingly successful at nursery because they take him every 20 minutes and catch him at right times. He's not learning to listen to his body and bladder tell him that he is full.

OP posts:

littletwofeet · 20/08/2017 21:37

If he can't recognise the physical sensation before he needs to go and tell you, I would guess he's not ready.

Does he go a couple of hours between wees? That is usually a good sign they are ready along with recognising their bladder is full.

I don't think taking him every 20 minutes can be very good for his bladder. I'm happy to be corrected but I thought that when they start going long periods between wees, the bladder fills up and then it's easier for them to recognise they need to go. Taking him to the toilet that frequently is just catching the wees isn't it.

Honestly, when they are physically ready and motivated to do it, it's sooooo easy. You'll look back in a few years time and it won't matter what age he was out of nappies.

Original poster

AloeVeraSeeYaCilla · 21/08/2017 18:54

So this morning was all prepared to go back to nappies when he asked for underwear and wanted to sit on the toilet. Went to nursery and only had two accidents all day. Came home and there was a poo in pants, presumably done in the car, and he peed on floor after about 20 minutes of being home. Ahhhhhh

OP posts:

littletwofeet · 21/08/2017 22:27

Do you think he wants to do it but isn't physically ready?

Does he recognise before he needs to poo?
Is he going long periods between wees or still weeing frequently?
Can he wee on demand every time you sit him on the toilet, even if it's just a tiny bit? (This shows he is in full control / aware of what muscles to use to wee). Being able to stop the wee is also a good indication his body is ready.

To make it as easy as possible, you need them to be physically ready AND have them want to do it. Otherwise, you are going to have lots & lots of accidents.

Original poster

AloeVeraSeeYaCilla · 22/08/2017 09:25

Update: minimal accidents at nursery (only two all day yesterday) but accidents all over the place at home.

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Luckymummy22 · 22/08/2017 09:42

Just keep on going as you are at nursery but maybe put him in pull-ups at home? But I definitely wouldn't persist if he's playing up at home. I found with my DD that it wasn't only her being ready that was needed - she was too stubborn so it was important she wanted to do it.

I think my boy will be going to nursery in either pull ups or nappies tomorrow. He's done well over the weekend but I am not convicnced he is ready to be in pants.

Yesterday he wanted a nappy on. But it turned out he had a dodgy tummy. As soon as that was sorted he went back to using the potty. Really pleased about that as it shows he consciously knew a nappy would be better (3 or 4 poos in 15 mins or so)

Rinceoir · 22/08/2017 09:59

I'd give him a break tbh. It wont necessarily be a long break either- when my daughter was just over 2 she showed signs of being ready. I had a week off so did all the usual things but it became clear that while she was physically ready she wasn't psychologically there yet- she would hold it in for hours rather than use a potty. So we backed off after 2 days and decided to try again in a few months.

A week later (2 days before our planned holidays!) she got up, took off her nappy and used the potty. She had 2 accidents in 2 days and since then has been dry day and night. We didn't stay at home either- just got out and about with the potette initially from day 1 and within a few weeks she'd happily use the toilet. She had a period of accidents a few months later but turns out it was a protest at clothing (!) and once we let her choose her own outfits that stopped.

waterrat · 22/08/2017 10:02

You have just started !! It would be highly unusual for your son to be potty trained in a few days it took both my kids weeks to get it. Just keep his pants off - he needs to feel wet in order to learn the connection between needing to go and walking to the potty. Get a potty put it in the living room and he gets a reward if he uses it

Expect lota of accidents but relax. Honestly ita very unrealistic to think you just tell him to start using a toilet and then he does it.

Original poster

AloeVeraSeeYaCilla · 22/08/2017 13:06

Update: no accidents whatsoever at nursery this morning.....

OP posts:

Queenioqueenio · 22/08/2017 15:21

That's good 😊
My dd was a total refuser - screamed every time I got a potty out, she would have never 'been ready' in her own time. I decided we needed to go for it as she was approaching school nursery age !, I gave loads of water, loads of spare pants and took her to the loo every half hour- turns out she just disliked the potty and preferred a toilet. Anyway - well done to you!

Original poster

AloeVeraSeeYaCilla · 23/08/2017 12:17

Dry all day yesterday at nursery. All accidents at home today 😔

OP posts:

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