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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Potty training SOS

70 replies

AloeVeraSeeYaCilla · 19/08/2017 17:59

Posting for traffic.

Little boy of 2.9. Tried potty training last month and after two or three days we gave up as he wasn't getting it. Started again this week and he seemed to finally be getting it. Nursery reported back that he was doing well and they were taking him to the toilet every 20-30 minutes. At home he's not been as cooperative. I'm trying to take him to the loo every half hour but also have a baby to look after. Problem is I've asked for advice from quite a few people and now my head is confused!! To sum up, he sometimes wees when taken to the loo but he'll only go to the toilet if there's a reward in it for him. To me he should want or need to go. I ask him if he needs to go, he insists he doesn't and then wees in underwear. As he's weeing he says he needs to go to the toilet but it's too late.

So do I:

Stop and revert back to nappies and try again in a month - my gut feeling.
Carry on and just keep persevering. MIL thinks I should as returning to nappies again will confuse him again.

I know I'm asking for more advice which will probably confuse me more but I really don't know what to do.

Don't want to drip feed the story but in very tired so may have missed bits out.

OP posts:

Barbie222 · 19/08/2017 18:57

I think the stage where they say they need a wee as they go is before the stage where they can tell you in advance. He will get there but you have a couple of months of unreliability now or a couple of days if you wait until he knows he needs to go and can tell you. See if he can do a wee in the bath and show control. Something you can only do with boys!

TheLegendOfBeans · 19/08/2017 19:01

Forgive me for the slight detail but how do you know when your DC is ready for potty training? My DD is now standing in the corner where the nappies are kept when she's (evidently) doing a poop in her nappy and I don't know if she's trying to tell me she's "ready" for potty training or if she just likes being near the source of fresh nappies?!

Original poster

AloeVeraSeeYaCilla · 19/08/2017 19:01

Thanks for all your replies and experiences. I wish I'd waited tbh. Baby is 5 months and breastfeeding so it's been hard to meet both their needs. I'm just worried about converting back to nappies and undoing any good work already done but equally if he doesn't biologically 'feel' when things are about to happen, then it seems pointless. Just feel confused. Nursery would prefer him dry before he moves into pre-school room at the end of September.

OP posts:

Sophieelmer · 19/08/2017 19:06

Mine all liked helping 'water' the flowers in the garden when potty training! I also got them to help clean up any wet accidents they had, 'oh dear look at the mess, let's clean it up'.

Acorncat · 19/08/2017 19:29

I kept it as simple as possible, mine was 2yr10m. Kept naked on the bottom and casually reminded every hour or so that "if you need a wee/poo then you can use the toilet or potty". That's it - no taking him there, no constantly asking if he needed, no rewards, no big boy pantd and no pressure. I only did this after he randomly climbed onto the toilet one day. He had a few accidents as he learned how to feel he was about to go but that's it. I think if they're really ready then it's fairly easy. Into loose trousers then pants after a week or so.

Coulddowithanap · 19/08/2017 19:50

I'd stop and try again in a few months.

DS has no interest in potty training at that age, I think he was around 3.5 when he decided that he didn't need nappies anymore.

Dina1234 · 19/08/2017 20:02

Just keep going, it will take him a little while (ours took about a month at the same age) to figure out when he needs to go.

flamencia · 19/08/2017 20:29

For those who say keep trying, what about going out? Would you just stay in or put a pull up/nappy on to go out?

I'm on day 4 and accidents are still frequent. We've stayed inside so far, as I am concerned that putting on a pull up/nappy will make her regress.

zoobaby · 19/08/2017 20:37

We have a potty in the living room here (laminate floors so can rest easy on that one). Worked a treat with DS and DD seems to be handling it just as well. She can see it and get to it quickly. Hardly ever need to remind her now.

Flamencia, we stayed in for about a week and then ventured out for very short periods of time. Potty immediately before and immediately after. We can now go for a couple of hours (with an al fresco wee if required).

Oops4 · 19/08/2017 20:38

I'd keep going. He has to learn that the feeling of needing to go means just that iyswim but nappies will mask the reinforcement than feeling wet gives. He'll get it. I'd heap on the reward. Either a sticker chart with a reward or wee buttons as others have suggested. I didn't try it but have heard others advise to put pants on under a pull up. That way he will feel wet but it won't be quite as messy.

My wee boy seemed to take ages until I realised he was deliberately wetting himself. I told him if he did that he would have to take off his own wet trousers and clean up the mess. Stopped having accidents VERY quickly after that!

VeryPunny · 19/08/2017 21:01

We stayed in for a couple of days, and then didn't venture far, and only then straight after a wee. We did a supermarket dash, and went to the park where it didn't matter so much if there were accidents. I kept a puppy pad in the car in case he weed on the car seat - I could just pop it over the top (he wouldn't sit on it dry).

OnlyHereForTheFeminists · 19/08/2017 21:34

It took 3 attempts for ds to get it. My mum said that me and my brothers were potty trained by age 2, so that's when I tried to start with ds. No chance, he didn't have a clue what he was supposed to be doing.

Tried again 6 months later and he just kept saying he didn't need to go then weeing on the floor.

Just before his third birthday we talked about growing up and not using nappies when you're 3. He stopped wearing nappies on his birthday and had hardly any accidents.

I think if they're really ready they'll get it quickly. If they don't then leave it a bit longer.

Mol1628 · 19/08/2017 21:39

Keep going. Hes at the older end of when children are usually ready now?

Are you annoying him putting him on the toilet every 30 minutes? My 2.5 year old has been training a week and he can hold wee for over an hour (he's hydrated don't worry!)

Mol1628 · 19/08/2017 21:43

Oh and for going out I did pants then pull up. Child still feels wet as if wearing pants but no big puddle in the middle of a shop or all over your car seat etc.

Original poster

AloeVeraSeeYaCilla · 19/08/2017 22:07

Thank you all so much for your responses. So hard to gauge what is the best thing to do for him and all family. This week we have stayed home and I do feel cabin fever setting in. Going by people's responses I think we'll plough on tomorrow, leave it up to him a bit more, stop bothering him as much and see what happens. We've been to MIL house this afternoon and he did two accidents, wouldn't even go near the toilet, just sat and peed on the couch and dodgy even say he was wet or mentioned the toilet. Not sure if this is laziness (suspect it is) or not wanting to use a different loo or not getting it. Wish he could tell me!!

OP posts:

APMom · 19/08/2017 22:09

My first trained before 2 then the next 3 girls before they were 2.5 years old (one with ASD). The two boys were a bit later and both took a full week to train but we're both done before 2yr8mths again one of those with ASD. My eldest is 24 and we didn't wait till they were 'ready' then, we just picked a week and took off nappies, stayed at home and went through packets of chocolate buttons. Positive reinforcement is really important. We never used pull ups after training, we took a travel potty to use in the car on long journeys.

mctat · 19/08/2017 22:10

He's not ready. Go back to nappies with no judgement and wait for signs of readiness. He's still young.

Original poster

AloeVeraSeeYaCilla · 19/08/2017 22:15

Is he still young mctat? People keep suggesting he's not and should be on his way by now. Somebody said I was "doing him a disservice by keeping him in nappies." This was a family member known for blunt comments. Just don't know what to do. I'm gonna keep an eye on situation tomorrow and perhaps see how he gets on at nursery on Monday and if there's no real progress......?

OP posts:

CazY777 · 19/08/2017 22:16

How do you get them to stop going in their clothes when you go out? My daughter happily goes on the potty at home, all day, takes herself on the potty or asks to go on the toilet, if she doesn't have any bottoms on. As soon as she's in knickers or trousers she just wees in her clothes, even though I remind her repeatedly and take her to the toilet. She's hopefully going to nursery soon and they suggested pull ups and they will remind her to go, so she might do it when she sees other children.

Elisheva · 19/08/2017 22:17

I trained my first ds at 2yrs 9mths, it took him two weeks to get the hang of it and we had many accidents after that. With ds2 I waited until after he was three, despite many comments from DM, DMIL, child minder etc. He was done in a week. With dd I had so much going on she was about 3yrs 3mths. All done, day and night, in four days, and has only had a couple of accidents since.
I would put him back in nappies for a bit.

honeybeetheoneandonly · 19/08/2017 22:26

I wanted to give some advice but then I read your gut feeling is to wait longer, then do that.
Yes, he might regress but he'll still end up potty trained at some point. If your head just isn't in the game at the moment you are making it only more frustrating for yourself and probably him to continue.
My eldest made it quite clear when she needed the toilet just before 2 but I had a newborn and just didn't have the headspace to keep watching her like a hawk and putting her on the potty. She completely stopped acknowledging it and I secretly panicked I may have missed the window of opportunity (but I was also pretty certain she wasn't going to stay in nappies forever). It was another year before she started letting me know again and by gosh I was ready and so was she. It also went pretty instantly then.
Take the time you need and when you are ready here would be my two best tips:

Put the potty in the living room (or wherever you spent most time) and let him run around bare bottomed. (Keep checking his bottom after farting- they can be loaded)
Take the plunge and go out without the nappy

Good luck.

mctat · 19/08/2017 22:34

'People keep suggesting he's not and should be on his way by now.'

Ignore them, Op. It's not late at all, and he doesn't sound ready. Plus you've got a new sibling in the mix. Go back to nappies, treat nappy changes like toileting (talk through it, involve him in wiping etc), model using the loo, have a nappy off time every day (before bath?) with the potty/toilet available, observe him and wait for signs of readiness. No taking him to the toilet, no rewards. He needs to be able to recognise the signs for himself, not because he wants a chocolate/someone told him to try.

Original poster

AloeVeraSeeYaCilla · 19/08/2017 22:49

That's my feeling mctat....feel like he's only trying cos he knows there's a potential reward in it for him. Not because he needs to go or wants to be a "big boy." Wish I'd listened to my gut instinct and left it longer but felt a bit coerced by nursery and other people tbh. I can see advantages and disadvantages to continuing and stopping and one minute I feel one way, one minute I feel differently. This will mark the second attempt and ideally I didn't want to stop and start as I feel it's not beneficial. My friend had to keep stop/starting and she feels it delayed things even more. With DD I will definitely stand my ground more and wait for her. It's strange because sometimes he seems so ready and then he'll just sit and wee on the couch. My head is mashed with it all and I ended up getting so upset on Friday night.

OP posts:

MGFM · 19/08/2017 22:51

Why didn't you take a potty with you to your MIL house? We started potty training a few weeks ago with my 2 1/2 year old and our potty comes everywhere with us!

CecilyP · 19/08/2017 22:54

Somebody said I was "doing him a disservice by keeping him in nappies." This was a family member known for blunt comments.

What does that even mean? I would certainly ignore these unhelpful comments. I wouldn't advise keeping going if you aren't having much success. I put DS back in nappies after a week of accidents. Tried again a month later and it just worked. Can't even give much advice as it was a total non-event!

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