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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find it disconcerting that she just stares at me...

42 replies

Jaiak · 18/08/2017 21:15

So about 9 months ago I finished an internship at a company. I went for an interview where there were 10 positions going. I wanted the job very much but absolutely fell apart in the interview. I was so nervous I was sweating, shaking, mumbling. I cannot even imagine how I came across. Somehow I managed to give some good answers but overall I must have come across as very incompetent! My mouth was so dry I had to keep coughing! Blush I cringe now just thinking about it.

The manager was clearly unimpressed and started laughing at my answers. After my interview that was only 20 mins long I decided to use it as character building and move on.

So 9 months later I re-interviewed when one position out of the 10 came up and I nailed the interview. I have since excelled in the role and I'm back to my extrovert, confident self. I've remained in the role now for several months and have had excellent appraisals.

So I'm happy.

Only one issue. The manager that interviewed me is very odd. She sometimes has to come into our building and she's like the devil wears Prada boss! She's standoffish and a bit cold but has her moments of humour. She's not a bad person.

But when she seems me she is very shy. Doesn't make eye contact and will just stare me the whole time I'm in the same room as her. She does it subtly but I can see her in the window reflection or mirror...just staring. It's like she's analysing me! She acres her eyes up and almost glares, lips pursed. It's so intimidating!

Someone called my name from the corridor and when I turned round she was practically breaking her back trying to see me. She's a heterosexual married woman so doesn't have any kind of romantic crush! Grin

If I need to speak to her on the phone she always says she's unavailable and once when I needed to speak to her she said she wasn't available and when another member of staff called her she started the conversation with (someone called xxx called and said they needed to speak to
me). She was unaware she was on speaker. My manager then pretended she needed me for something to get me out of the room.

Maybe she just found the interview cringeworthy and doesn't want to be around me as it's awkward but she's been a manager for 30 years she must have interviewed thousands and I know two other people she has interviewed and she's find with them and they weren't successful.

I just don't know what the issue is. Nothing I can really do but AIBU to find it a little disconcerting?

OP posts:
Original poster
Jaiak · 18/08/2017 21:16

The first interview was 19 months ago not 9.

OP posts:
highinthesky · 18/08/2017 21:21

It's so intimidating!

What you describe is odd, but shouldn't take up any brainspace. Stay out of her way if she makes you feel uncomfortable.

WingsofNylon · 18/08/2017 21:22

I'd say she cant work out where she knows you from combined with her considering herself too important to know who people are.

Original poster
Jaiak · 18/08/2017 21:23

I'm just wondering why people think she does it.

She's not a bad person. She's a bit standoffish but not bad.

It's a little intimidating not very. More disconcerting as I've no idea why she is doing it.

OP posts:
MadMags · 18/08/2017 21:23

Didn't you post this the other week?

Original poster
Jaiak · 18/08/2017 21:24

She definitely knows who I am. She gossiped about my incompetence to several managers after my interview. They told me.

She had met me twice previously when I was on my internship.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jaiak · 18/08/2017 21:24

No madmags

OP posts:
KindleBueno · 18/08/2017 21:45

From the other perspective, I once interviewed a lady and she bombed. Literally scrabbling to find any points to award her- she was totally unprepared and wracked with nerves. We didn't offer her the job and she complained that it was age discrimination Shock The management offered her another interview the following week with a new panel and boy did she turn it around. She clearly worked her arse off for it and turned out to be the highest scorer. I was her direct manager and she told all her colleagues I had refused her the job because she was old. I was so mortified about the entire thing and totally cringed every time I seen her afterwards.

cunningartificer · 18/08/2017 21:50

This is oddly similar to a previous post . Perhaps refer to the answers there...

Original poster
Jaiak · 18/08/2017 21:53

It couldn't be more different 😂

OP posts:
scoobydoo1971 · 18/08/2017 22:01

Lots of people struggle with interviews.

This woman is unprofessional if you know she has gossiped about your performance. It says a lot about her own competence as a manager if she does that.

I would not discount a girl-crush regardless of her marital status, or perhaps she is jealous of you in some respect.

You have a job now, and fortunately you don't have to work for this woman. Count that as a blessing, and remind yourself that if she is gossiping about you...you must be important/ threatening enough to matter!

KindleBueno · 18/08/2017 22:05

I mean more from the angle, could she be embarrassed?

Clarabell100 · 18/08/2017 22:07

I read this a couple of weeks ago. Did you not get the answers you needed then?

Brahms3rdracket · 18/08/2017 22:13

Me too. This is the same as before. You got the job, move on ffs

WizardOfToss · 18/08/2017 22:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flopjustwantscoffee · 18/08/2017 22:21

I can't believe she laughed during the interview, that is hugely unprofessional and makes her a crap interviewer. Unless, perhaps, she was trying to put you at your ease by smiling but ended up looking amused, but unless that is the case then she was really in the wrong. I definately think it is her and not you that is the problem here.

MadMags · 18/08/2017 22:22

It couldn't be more different

So you read the other thread?

Original poster
Jaiak · 18/08/2017 22:34

Yup. Saw the other thread. The only similar theme is that it relates to an interview.

Couldn't be more different. Clutching at straws is the term I'd use.

OP posts:
TheSnowFairy · 18/08/2017 22:37

Er no, there are loads of similarities.

Move on, Op Wink

HarrietSchulenberg · 18/08/2017 22:37

Yes, I've read a similar thread recently. Advice there was mainly "get over it" and I think the advice would be the same for you.
You got the job, you know you need to work on your interview technique, so just ignore the woman.

MadMags · 18/08/2017 22:48

You're painfully obvious.

Jux · 18/08/2017 23:00

Give her a big smile and say "hi how are you?". She may find it hard to believe that you are really the same person that she interviewed back then.

GinIsIn · 19/08/2017 05:46

How can someone stare at you and also avoid eye contact....?

parrotseatemall · 19/08/2017 06:30

Well go on, link to the thread so we can all deduce whether it's the same person.

Gorgosparta · 19/08/2017 07:25

Its very similar. Not just the interview bit, which is identical. Just instead of the Op hating the woman, this one is simply intrigued.

As though the original Op is wondering if she would get different answers if she didnt display the hate.

Op if you saw that thread, take the advice that was on it. Just ignore her and crack on.