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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find it disconcerting that she just stares at me...

42 replies

Jaiak · 18/08/2017 21:15

So about 9 months ago I finished an internship at a company. I went for an interview where there were 10 positions going. I wanted the job very much but absolutely fell apart in the interview. I was so nervous I was sweating, shaking, mumbling. I cannot even imagine how I came across. Somehow I managed to give some good answers but overall I must have come across as very incompetent! My mouth was so dry I had to keep coughing! Blush I cringe now just thinking about it.

The manager was clearly unimpressed and started laughing at my answers. After my interview that was only 20 mins long I decided to use it as character building and move on.

So 9 months later I re-interviewed when one position out of the 10 came up and I nailed the interview. I have since excelled in the role and I'm back to my extrovert, confident self. I've remained in the role now for several months and have had excellent appraisals.

So I'm happy.

Only one issue. The manager that interviewed me is very odd. She sometimes has to come into our building and she's like the devil wears Prada boss! She's standoffish and a bit cold but has her moments of humour. She's not a bad person.

But when she seems me she is very shy. Doesn't make eye contact and will just stare me the whole time I'm in the same room as her. She does it subtly but I can see her in the window reflection or mirror...just staring. It's like she's analysing me! She acres her eyes up and almost glares, lips pursed. It's so intimidating!

Someone called my name from the corridor and when I turned round she was practically breaking her back trying to see me. She's a heterosexual married woman so doesn't have any kind of romantic crush! Grin

If I need to speak to her on the phone she always says she's unavailable and once when I needed to speak to her she said she wasn't available and when another member of staff called her she started the conversation with (someone called xxx called and said they needed to speak to
me). She was unaware she was on speaker. My manager then pretended she needed me for something to get me out of the room.

Maybe she just found the interview cringeworthy and doesn't want to be around me as it's awkward but she's been a manager for 30 years she must have interviewed thousands and I know two other people she has interviewed and she's find with them and they weren't successful.

I just don't know what the issue is. Nothing I can really do but AIBU to find it a little disconcerting?

OP posts:
FinallyDecidedOnUserName · 19/08/2017 07:50

Entirely possible she is (a) embarrassed for you and herself (b) has some concerns for your wellbeing & performance & is monitoring (albeit badly) from a distance

LavenderDoll · 19/08/2017 07:53

I've seen this thread already Confused
Move on OP

volovont · 19/08/2017 07:58

Weird to post this twice.

Optimist1 · 19/08/2017 08:04

... and to deny doing so!

insancerre · 19/08/2017 08:10

Is this the manager that you are going to hate for the rest of your life?
I guess she's picking up your vibe and is wondering what she's done to annoy you so much
She probably thinks you are very weird too

ButchyRestingFace · 19/08/2017 08:13

Didn't you post this the other week?

My immediate thought.

Build a bridge and get over it, OP. Hmm

diamond49 · 19/08/2017 08:13

Sometimes if you see someone really nice looking you just like to look at them.Its not a sexual thing .Its like you might want to look at a lovely view or piece of art

Clarabell100 · 19/08/2017 08:16

OP, come on. It's the exact same post even down to 'nailing' the second interview and excelling in the role.

Anyway, move on.

JessieMcJessie · 19/08/2017 08:16

I haven't seen the other thread. All I will say is that you sound like this is your first job so let me tell you this- workplaces are full of deeply odd people who do and say things that make no sense to their colleagues. Some are unpleasant, some are just weird. You just have to get used to it and/or find strategies to stop their behaviour winding you up if you have to work directly with them.

She won't be the last colleague who does things you don't understand.

MudCity · 19/08/2017 08:30

As a previous poster said, workplaces are full of diverse people, some of whom you will get on with, others who will drive you to distraction.

To be honest, you sound really preoccupied with her. Best advice I can give is to remember that it's not all about you and while you may recall that interview in every detail, she may not recall it, or you, at all.

Posting this story again confirms for me that you are a bit obsessed by the situation, perhaps you feel embarrassed by your first interview and determined to prove yourself / have her notice you in a positive way. Fact is, she probably doesn't give you a second thought! Get on with your job and your colleagues and remember it isn't all about you!

ButchyRestingFace · 19/08/2017 08:41

Also, this appears to be "Jaiak's" only post. So she either name changed or joined the site for the sole purpose of posting this thread.

My 💰 is on the former.

GinIsIn · 19/08/2017 08:42

It didn't also take you applying for the same job 11 times to get the role did it....?

KatoPotato · 19/08/2017 09:27

So many appraisals in a few months. Hard lines OP

RedBullBlood · 19/08/2017 10:39

It couldn't be more different than the AIBU 'To hate the manager who rejected me at interview'? Really? 'Cos from where I'm sitting it's virtually identical.

SeekingSugar · 19/08/2017 10:48

What is the answer that you want? TBH you are not coming across very well and I suspect that your employer is concerned about your suitability given your oddness

JemandScout · 19/08/2017 10:51

What Jessie said. I fact, it's probably the best piece of advice I have ever read here and could be applied to pretty much any situation where we are in the company of others. People are just odd. You just need to deal with it.

AmysTiara · 19/08/2017 10:55

I think she remembers how badly you did and feels embarrassed for you.

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