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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christmas plans

50 replies

user1473602935 · 18/08/2017 20:13

DH just had a row about plans for xmas day

Last Christmas I didn't see my family until 28th Dec and instead hosted DHs entire family in our family holiday home

This was on the understanding, that the next year, we would be with my family in the holiday home. We would alternate each year

We have two kids so can't really do our own thing that day

Now he says that it's unfair not to invite his parents and disabled brother that lives with them on xmas day as they'll be alone otherwise

I would like to just be with my family tbh, and think it would be unfair on my family to ask if they could come as I know they'd rather it was just us

AIBU? It's tense here tonight!

OP posts:
MilsCookie · 18/08/2017 20:15

YANBU. Your family didn't come when all of his family did for xmas day last year, so why should his have to this year?

DartmoorDoughnut · 18/08/2017 20:15

YANBU

Taking turns is fairest

scrabbler3 · 18/08/2017 20:17

They won't be alone. There are three of them.

theaveragewife · 18/08/2017 20:17

Is his entire family just his parents and brother?

user3785022135267845922 · 18/08/2017 20:21

YANBU! It was the deal! Them last year, your family this year! That's how we do Christmas every year!!! My family r not that keen on DH's family so a joint do would b a nightmare!!!

Original poster
user1473602935 · 18/08/2017 20:21

Well actually they do have plenty of other family they are close with so could see them!

OP posts:
Original poster
user1473602935 · 18/08/2017 20:22

I also don't want to set a precedent...

OP posts:
BubblesJoy · 18/08/2017 20:22

We have two kids so can't really do our own thing that day

Huh? Why not?

GherkinSnatch · 18/08/2017 20:23

YANBU! You don't get to go back on a deal just because it's not your turn!

His family won't be on their own, he needs to get over himself.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 18/08/2017 20:24

Yanbu. It was the understanding when things were arranged last Christmas.

Chattymummyhere · 18/08/2017 20:29

Your family or just the four of you. The deal was his last year yours this year if he cannot accept them you can be just the four of you or he can go to his mum and dads and you and the kids can go to your family/holiday home.

Joinourclub · 18/08/2017 20:32

My husband has suggested getting both sides of the family together, as they both want to spend the day with us. But I know that actually they would rather have their own time with the children and not to have to share them with the other grandparents! Explain that having separate celebrations allows them to get more attention and feel more special (the grandparents that is not the grandchildren!)

BubblesJoy · 18/08/2017 20:33

Just talked to DH, we will 100% never do duty christmas' again. Did it one year and we both hated it. Never again.

Sayhellotothemoomoos · 18/08/2017 20:40

Yanbu but I don't get why you having two kids means you can't do what you want?

Original poster
user1473602935 · 18/08/2017 20:40

Chattymum - it would be with mum, my brother and his family

His family are nice but I'd just like to have a little xmas with my family

OP posts:
Garliccalamari · 18/08/2017 20:41

He doesn't get to choose by himself who comes over for christmas. Either he keeps the deal alternating the parents or you will go to your parents with the kids and without him.

So basically you both compromise- or you don't! His choice.

BendydickCuminsnatch · 18/08/2017 20:41

We have two kids so can't really do our own thing that day

?? Why? We will have 2 kids by xmas and will be just the 4 of us on xmas day.

But yes, alternating is fair and your DH IBU.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 18/08/2017 20:43

Does you disabled BIL need constant care? Just wondering if they see coming to you as a but of restbite?

ihatetosay · 18/08/2017 20:46

it is the middle of August you are BU even mentioning it

theaveragewife · 18/08/2017 20:48

If they have other family who are nearby then perhaps they should go there. I know though having a sibling with a disability how much better his Christmas is when he's around our children, and not having as much freedom and joy as we do daily I will not have a Christmas without him! Is it possible your DH feels like this?

Original poster
user1473602935 · 18/08/2017 20:52

His brother is has learning difficulties but I'd physically very capable

DH is very protective about his family but I took the hit last year and was positive about it all so feel he should be too!

OP posts:
Original poster
user1473602935 · 18/08/2017 20:52

Haha fair enough ihatetosay!! At least I have plenty of time for his to get used to the idea

OP posts:
BendydickCuminsnatch · 18/08/2017 21:07

But why can't it just be the 4 of you? You say you can't do your own thing, so it sounds like you kind of want it to be just you 4?

pictish · 18/08/2017 21:11

Yanbu - taking turns is the fairest and most sensible solution.

peekyboo · 18/08/2017 21:13

What about his family on the 2 days before Christmas, inc kids opening presents from them, then your family Christmas and Boxing Day? Then alternate that each year, so it feels like Christmas for both families?

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