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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

About people just going into monologues

77 replies

qutternutbosh · 18/08/2017 14:29

"Our Carl was off to the airport last night, so we went to pub for our tea, we had scampi and fries, our Molly had a lemonade and some roast beef, I said to her, Molly, that's too much, she said mum, I'm hungry, I said OK then and she ate it so she must have been hungry. And then our Carl went off, I said, Carl, have you got enough time, he said he had, we went back and the traffic was just chocka as the motorways were closed so we sat there and the radio was on, that new song was on, you know, that Spanish one, I like that, so we got in and I was going to clear up but our Molly said Mum, just sit down and watch Emmerdale so I did ..."

Sigh.

Just endless pointless monologues that go nowhere and just describe the ins and outs of everyday life. It's a colleague by the way. How can you STOP people like this??

OP posts:
whensitmyturn · 18/08/2017 17:23

I thought agathas biscuit was a suggestion of how to get them to stop talkingGrin

I remember being a bit like this as a child when someone said 'how was your christmas' or 'how was your holiday' I'd launch in to a blow by blow account of the thing then got to early teens and realised I was boring people so have never done it since! Some people never realise or never get told- dh used to be a one for monologues about his work I had to tell him one day that when people ask about work they're only expecting a one sentence reply back unless you have a particularly funny/crazy story no-one really cares!

DeadGood · 18/08/2017 17:29

BillyDaveysDaughter Flowers for your lovely mum x

grumpygiraffe · 18/08/2017 17:31

"Stop talking, you boring shit."

They won't do it again.

Siwdmae · 18/08/2017 17:34

My dm does this and it makes me want to cause serious harm! Literally half an hour of an event from 30 years ago. My DH is too polite to stop her, I am not.

She came back from an event yesterday (staying at mine as it's more convenient). I was in the middle of something. She started recounting a blow by blow detailed account of the event. I asked her to hold on, I would just finish the thing I was doing and went to walk past her. She started telling me again, I stopped, said very clearly that I was finishing the thing, could she please wait and I'd be with her in a minute. Drives me crazy.

With a colleague, I think I'd politely say that I was in the middle of something or if you're not too bothered about being friendly, put a permanent stop to it by interrupting and saying that you don't know any of these people and you're working and you'd rather not be interrupted.

firawla · 18/08/2017 17:38

This type of monologue wouldn't bother me too much, just harmless chat - although annoying in an office situation I guess, but I have a relative who goes off on monologues about religion, politics and history, and it's normally the same few ones again and again. It gets very waring.

Fluffyears · 18/08/2017 18:03

My mother does this as does MIL. Mil is particularly bad as she tells you the same thing 8 or 9 times in one conversation. A few times DP has lost the plot about it. He was filling in a form for her pension and she had a volunteer role at a charity shop. He was reading aloud and mentioned employement 'oh no I'm just voluntary, it's voluntary. Put down voluntary because it's voluntary. I'm voluntary I just do it voluntarily...' until he shouted 'yep got it!'.

Same stories 8 or 9 times, yes I got it the first 7 times!!!!! If I hear the eordsc'apple white' again (she's painting spare room) I made guy crack up. I actually counted and she said 'apple white 27 times in15 minutes!

Fluffyears · 18/08/2017 18:07

Oops typos.

scaryclown · 18/08/2017 18:16

I think that this is what conversation is really like, but once you start working all you can think about is how other people annoy you.
It's very sad.

MyWhatICallNameChange · 18/08/2017 18:18

My friend told me her mum is like this. And if she doesn't answer her phone she gets the whole story by voicemail!

My mum was a good one for telling stories about people she used to work with. Strangely enough, as I was a child at the time, I hardly knew any of them, or had met them once but she insisted on telling me all about their lives anyway.

scaryclown · 18/08/2017 18:20

You do realise with the 'voluntary' thing that all is needed is a verbal nod or repeat back.

Too often when people are talking, they are seeking acknowledgement or a clue you are listening. People who shut down when they want someone to not talk or change the subject or move things along aren't helping themselves at all. Look at Italians or Spanish folk, and even Chinese folk, they will join in the monologue and switch it, or just say 'I know yes I heard you" youwent to the shops.. Enough I want to tell you x ... Etc etc.. English people are awful for the' shut down and hope it goes away' response to everything social..

MrsJamesAspey · 18/08/2017 18:28

It's even worse when people close their eyes while delivering the monologue.

I had a friend that used to do this, she'd turn up on my doorstep and then proceed to yak away about her latest boyfriend problems whilst either closing her eyes or just not looking directly at me. She admitted once when drunk that she did it on purpose so I couldnt interrupt her Hmm So next time she had her eyes closed I just walked out the room Grin

Assburgers · 18/08/2017 18:33

Yeh, like scaryclown said, if I want people to shut up I repeat what they just said back to them.

Some people just like talking though. As with the office bore in the OP, there's not much you can do. I once asked one of my colleagues to just stop talking for 5 minutes and she never spoke to me again. Win!

BillyDaveysDaughter · 18/08/2017 20:09

Aww thanks DeadGood. Whenever I feel myself growing impatient I try to just listen to her voice and let her talk. To be honest the monologues have got shorter with the alzheimers as she can't remember all the things she wants to tell me. Grin

AgentCooper · 18/08/2017 20:15

Oh Lord, I work with someone like this. Long commentaries on the ineptitude of other colleagues, repetition repetition repetition, lots of questions but you can't get a word in edgeways to answer. And LOUD.

I'm 31 weeks pregnant and actually went out of the office and cried the other day.

captainfunderpants · 18/08/2017 20:27

My mum does this. All the time. She'll mention something that happened, and I'll comment on it, and she'll launch in to an explanation that starts somewhere back in time many weeks before. Along the lines of, "well yes, x did happen. You see 3 weeks ago when I was boiling the kettle one morning I was listening to the radio and heard a programme about something and I said to DP oh, that reminds me of the time Y happened...." This goes on and on and on, never seemingly getting to the point and with sub plots going off all over the place, somehow managing to get back to the main story about 2 hours later. These days I usually butt in as soon as I can with "Ok never mind all that tell me about x happening".

Fluffyears · 18/08/2017 21:35

scary he did answer the first time she said 'voluntary' he nodded and said ok but she kept on going on and on and on and on, saying it over and over.

She also does the telling us about people we've never heard off 'Muriel's selling the caravan!' Have never seen Muriel, didn't know she had a caravan etc.

ThoseCowsAreFarAway · 19/08/2017 00:21

My sisters in law are all Monologgers - yes, I've made up that word - and it's quiet funny to see them in the same room talking at each other. Survival of the loudest and most determined to have their voice heard...

I used to get really cross at having to listen to big, long stories - 'I was telling Dave about our neighbours friend who went on holiday to France and on the way there she met Pat.... he'd be her cousin on her mothers side, that whole family was a bit odd... and he told her that he'd seen Vicky the week before and that Vickys daughter had to go into hospital... and blah blah blah...' But now I tune it out if possible and sometimes just leave the room if I can - these sorts of people aren't going to change.

I do think it is very selfish behaviour - literally not thinking about the other person. I've given hours and hours and hours of my life listening to my sisters in law.... yet if I start talking about something the eyes will glaze over. I can't imagine talking at someone for ten minutes without them talking back - I would feel massively uncomfortable. I think Monologgers lack self awareness?

One of my sisters in law has a young son with a speech and language delay - my similar aged son has the same issue. She goes on and on about what he can and can't say in great detail - if I say anything about my son and his speech she'll change the topic (back to herself usually) or just look bored... unbelievable!

Monologgers - they're way too busy talking to listen. Walk away if possible!

LightDrizzle · 19/08/2017 00:51

My mum does this, as do one or two acquaintances. I just don't understand how they fail to notice that they have monologued for 30 minutes without any prompting from their stupefied companions and that other people don't do it. They must think they are natural raconteurs and we are all dull as ditch water with nothing to say.

The worst thing is when they start get picky over details you couldn't give a shit about: "Then in the March...now was it March? No wait it can't have been March because Damian was still in Norwich in March. It would have been June at the earliest, summer anyway. Anyway it doesn't matter. So that summer, her daughter-in-law had the baby.,,"
All this about events in the life of someone known to them who I've never met.

haveacupoftea · 19/08/2017 00:59

Oh how boring other people are. I'm sure your monologues are much more interesting. Or perhaps other people feel the need to chat to fill the silence between your one word answers?

KeepServingTheDrinks · 19/08/2017 01:08

I go to a group that meets monthly, and one of us has started doing this. Her husband died and she's retired, so we all assume she doesn't get a lot of adult company so we try and go with it.

But a lot of her views are quite extreme, so it can be hard work!

Motoko · 19/08/2017 01:42

I know someone like this. I can barely get a word in edgeways, and when I do, she turns it back round to her.
I know all about her friends who I've never met. We've known each other for decades, and there was one friend who she also knew for decades, so I knew all about this friend, and when we did finally meet after 30 years, it was obvious this friend also knew all about me. It was weird meeting because we both felt like we were just old friends who hadn't seen each other for ages. There was none of the awkwardness when you first meet someone.

echt · 19/08/2017 03:26

I get this from a fellow dog-walker sometimes (if I don't see her in time to hide) and after 5 mins I've glazed over and am losing the will to live.

I had to do a double take at this as I was about to post about exactly the same situation. In addition, this one does the steering the convo round to themselves. When I asked another dog walker about their long holiday abroad, the monologuer chipped in with a long and irrelevant story about a friend's experience at customs. I cut right across it and dragged the conversation back ruthlessly to the "real" holiday. I felt I could do this as it wasn't about me. Not sure if I could be as brave in my interest.

Doobigetta · 19/08/2017 07:48

"Oh how boring other people are. I'm sure your monologues are much more interesting. Or perhaps other people feel the need to chat to fill the silence between your one word answers"

I think we've found a monologger....

Effendi · 19/08/2017 07:55

Copied this from another thread I posted on recently.
Am starting to realise that I have ishoos with my Mum!

Too much interest in what the neighbours are doing, no interest in me and my life whatsoever. I hardly tell her anything as she just dismisses it and goes back to talking about herself.

Repetitive crap about people I don't know.

Mum: Dave's in hospital
Me: Dave who?
Mum: Sheila's son.
Me: I don't know him.
Mum: Well I only met him once, he wore ugly shoes

A few days later....

Mum: Dave's still in hospital
Me: Dave who?
Mum: Sheila's son.
Me: I dont know him.
Mum: Well I only met him once, he wore ugly shoes

A few days later.....

Mum: Dave's out of hospital
Me: Dave who?
Mum: Sheila's son.
Me: I dont know him.
Mum: Well I only met him once, he wore ugly shoes

This went on for a few weeks, exactly same responses from me until I exploded and asked her to STOP going on about people I don't know.
She got all huffy then.

I could go on but I'd be here till next week.

Nomorechickens · 19/08/2017 08:09

My DM was the opposite, she would shut down the conversation if she thought it was getting too detailed, butting in mid-sentence and changing the subject. Very rude. Especially as the interrupted person was usually not monologging but talking about something that might be of interest and impart new knowledge, eg her only DDs new job, or the experiences of an interesting and amusing relative. I think she had been taught when young that you don't talk about anything in too much detail, and stick to neutral (dull) topics in polite society, it had the effect of killing any interesting conversations when she was around.

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