About this office gossip?

[ToastyFeet]

What can I do about this woman at work?
We work in different teams in the same office and a lot of our work overlaps so I have to see her every day.
A few weeks ago she cornered me in the kitchen and said "I didn't know that you..." it was something to do with my personal life- nothing secret but also nothing I'd have talked about at work. So I responded "who have you been talking to?!" In a smiley jokey way. And she clearly realised maybe she shouldn't have said that.
So today I'm walking into the office at the start of work and bump into her walking in too and she says to me "I didn't know you used to be married!"
I was completely baffled. I said "no you wouldn't know that, it's not something I broadcast"
I did used to be married, I haven't been married for a long time now and it was an extremely unhappy time , one that I don't want to be reminded of when I walk into the office first thing in the morning!
So anyway she didn't get the hint that it wasn't something I wanted to talk about- she said "yeah they said you were married when you met your current DP!" This is not true at all!!! So I had no idea what to say. So I just walked off! And she follows me and says "oh it's ok, you shouldn't have spent your life with someone you didn't want to, are you okay" I'm thinking please just leave me alone. So I just said "no not really, I don't like being gossiped about."
So then I walked off again and it was left. But I'm so annoyed. Firstly, where is she getting all this information from?! And secondly, I know people gossip, it's human nature, by why does she feel the need to admit that to the person she's gossiped about?!
Would I be unreasonable to discuss this with my manager or her manager? I just don't want this- I want to come into work, do my work and be professional!

My first thought is that she knows someone that knows you outside of work!

No she's older than me and has grown up children. It can't be the first time she's met someone that was divorced! And even if it was- these days it's not that much of a shocker that you'd need to bring it up with someone at the first opportunity!
This woman isn't a close colleague or anyone that I've discussed anything but work or the weather with before so why is she so interested in my life!

I hate this kind of thing, so unprofessional
But the first alarm bell - is she dating your ex?

Is there anyone you suspect might be the source? If so, invent a juicy titbit and share it with them. If Mrs Mangel comes up to you and says 'I didn't know you used to go out with X!', you know who's spilling the beans.

I think you're right, she must know someone that knows me. Now racking my brains for ideas of who it could be.

I would give her one final opportunity to do it again. THEN write her an email like a PP has suggested, saying that it's been 3 times she's been intrusive, inappropriate and unprofessional and if she does it again you'll report her to HR.

I would not, again as other PP have suggested, do the same to her. Absolutely not. Stay away from her as much as possible and do not engage in any conversations that isn't strictly professional.

YANBU and this would annoy the hell out of me too.

Mrs Mangel
I would fall over in shock if I found out she was dating my ex. Absolutely no way she would be. She's old enough to be his mum and I can't imagine how they'd ever have met. I don't know if he even lives in the same city as me anymore.
I like the false info thing. I think I'm going to try that. There is a woman on my team who's quite pally with Mrs Mangel, but she shouldn't have known this about me to have passed it on in the first place.

That's what I'm thinking I'll do. I'm waiting for her to do it again. No doubt she will. And then I've got all these responses and will discuss it with someone higher up.

Very intrusive, would annoy the hell out of me too.
Why don't you just ask her who she knows that knows you too? Ask in a friendly manner as if you don't mind at all...
then SHUT HER DOWN.
as HerOtherHalf said
Her: "I didn't know xyz about you".
You: That's because it's absolutely none of your business. Let's keep it that way shall we".

Is there anyone outside of work that knows her and you? That would make more sense. My head office is in an insular community and we always find out stuff about people on the grapevine.

but what do you expect someone "higher up" to do about it? Has she actually been gossiping with people at work about you? It's unprofessional agreed.

Well the first time she did it and I asked who she'd been talking to, she didn't answer me and seemed to get the hint that I knew she'd been gossiping.
This time I was that shocked that I didn't think to ask, however I will do if it happens again.

I think I would take her to one side in friendly way and ask her where she is obtaining this information about you. Point out that it isn't work related, that it isn't anyone's business but your own, and you would really appreciate it if she stopped as you find it it intrusive.

You don't want to fall out with her if you work with her but by the same token, shen needs to uderstand some boundaries!

Or he's appeared in her social circle?
Anyway she's horrible and needs to be shut down. Next time she makes a comment I'd head tilt and ask "are you okay?" Bat the ball back when she's not expecting it.

Well I'd like her to stop coming up to me and trying to discuss my personal life. If I can't stop her doing that by asking, then maybe she'll listen to a manager?

I wouldn't ask where she got the info. Rise above this.

I would do what tulip suggested , straight to the point

I wdon't see if she knows someone connected to your ex or his family or friends?

I would have to ask her. I would approach her and ask her where she is getting her info from. Then I would tell her it's none of her business and you would appreciate if she would refrain from gossiping and making inappropriate personal comments.

Maybe you should try the passive aggressive approach - as in "It's so sweet that you're so interested in my life that you feel the need to delve into my past like this - I really have no interest in you at all, so perhaps you could let it go now?"

How about "I don't know where you are getting my personal info from, but I don't want to hear anymore"

Don't spread fake stories about yourself - it will look as if you are encouraging gossip.
Don't engage with this woman again.

Report if necessary, but keep it unemotional, factual and concise.
Do whatever it takes to stop this in it's tracks.

You have your professional reputation to consider.

Maybe but her an etiquette book as a present?

I am a bit blunt and I would have said "Gosh, you're a bit nosey aren't you?" and flounced off.

Your personal life is absolutely none of her business whatsoever. Could you give her a cold stare and say it's about time you learnt about boundaries. If she doesn't take the hint then report her. It's a form of bullying IMHO.

I think you sound like two kids.

I wouldn't bother speaking to HR. I'd just ignore her.