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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pushy parents in kids sports

45 replies

ilikespaghetti · 18/08/2017 08:30

My dd is involved in a sport at a high level, I won't name the sport for fear of being outed. Over the years a number of parents have come & gone, made big demands for their "talented" kids & if the highly trained coaches don't entertain them or pander to their wishes they make a huge drama & leave, badmouthing the club on their way... Does this happen in all sports? The same parents also bad mouth other kids they see as a threat to theirs...

OP posts:
ssd · 18/08/2017 08:33

God yes.

arethereanyleftatall · 18/08/2017 08:34

Yes, some parents are like this. Doesn't matter the sport.

ssd · 18/08/2017 08:34

prob not just sports, look at the crazy parents on Child Genius or Dance Moms, or stage school parents, there are a fair few out and out nutters amongst that lot

listsandbudgets · 18/08/2017 08:38

Yes. Much younger brother competes at national level and we've seen everything you descrube and worse. One parent of a particularly untalanted child was heard to comments in DBs hearing " never mind darling X will hopefully break his ankle amd then you'll be on the team"

BertrandRussell · 18/08/2017 08:40

Yep. And it doesn't have to be "high level" ( Grin ).

My dp coached a mixed ability football team for 10 years, and every year he had to tell at least one parent that they weren't welcome on the touch line.

Therealslimshady1 · 18/08/2017 08:40

Depends on the sport! Not seen this in cricket/rugby/fencing or martial arts

histinyhandsarefrozen · 18/08/2017 08:41

I swear football is the worst for this!

Flyingflipflop · 18/08/2017 08:43

Try being a ref or umpire in a sport with kids. The parents are absolutely atrociously behaved and usually clueless about the sport.

Original poster
ilikespaghetti · 18/08/2017 08:47

I don't think they realise the coaches can spot them coming a mile away! They think they are buying advantages for their kids by trying to "get in" with the club but are usually just don't more harm then good.
Of course there are fantastic volunteers out there & without them clubs wouldn't be able to operate, but I would guess the vast majority are not doing it to benefit their own child..

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 18/08/2017 08:47

Yes, my 16 year old football ref ds has been threatened by both parents and coaches. I can't watch matches where he's reffing, the way the parents talk about him is too upsetting. And he's a good ref and this is U14s and younger!

And local leagues, so nor "elite sport"!

BertrandRussell · 18/08/2017 08:49

Oh, and in case the stealth classism comes up about it not happening in rugby, or any other "post" sport, may I give you the Pony Club mother? Grin

mogulfield · 18/08/2017 08:51

It doesn't seem that bad in gymnastics, it's one of those sports where natural ability accounts for a lot, they quickly realise their precious snowflake isn't up to it and move onto the next one.
The ones that are genuinely good seem to be quite chilled, as they don't need to push their kid because they've got the talent. Also the coaches do a lot of the pushing!

histinyhandsarefrozen · 18/08/2017 08:54

Dh is a volunteer footy coach. He's had to ask/parents not to slag off the refs, the kids, the other sides coaches.
The refs are 15-16.
The kids are 9.

histinyhandsarefrozen · 18/08/2017 08:55

Our once was at a match where the refs mum got involved, Bertrand!

Juanbablo · 18/08/2017 08:57

I haven't seen it in football yet but I feel it may be coming as Ds1 progresses.

Juanbablo · 18/08/2017 08:58

Actually I have seen it, but not from our team. We were watching another game whilst waiting for ds1's game to start and these parents were yelling at their child, slagging him off, swearing. It was awful. Poor kid. I thought he did really well!

BertrandRussell · 18/08/2017 08:59

"Our once was at a match where the refs mum got involved, Bertrand!"

It wasn't me, I promise!!!!!!!!!!!

Partypolitics99 · 18/08/2017 09:00

I used to coach football and run a girls team. We once played a new team that had just come into the league and and we were winning quite easily. However I had to insist that the ref stopped the game as all the parents were telling their daughters to kick the shit out of my team. Unfortunelty the ref did not have any control and i ended up forfitting the game just to make sure my players did not get hurt.

I made a huge fuss but was basicly told to pipe down by the league. The team in question got complaints from every other team they played and eventually got banned and the points were re allocated.

When the team got banned they were second in the league before of all the games that were forfit in their favour. The annoying thing was they only got banned when they played the team that had the chair of the leagues daughter in it Angry

littlebird7 · 18/08/2017 09:03

God yes. Horrific behaviour. My dd plays to a high level and it was revolting to watch the other parents trying to take her down, the cheating and shouting and pressure. And what for? What are the chances of your child actually playing at the olympics? Zilch.
So they end up becoming foul human beings for no reason...or depising their parents or both.

SunshineAndSmile · 18/08/2017 09:04

I have experienced similar at DDs dance school and competitions, Dance Moms are not just on the TV. I see parents sucking up to the teacher campaigning for their 'star' to be front and centre, throwing tantrums when they don't get their own way, criticising other kids ability, bitching and gossiping. I even heard one mutter 'I hope she breaks her leg' about another child who was a better dancer than her daughter.

I sometimes think these parents are living an unfulfilled dream through their child and get massively over invested losing all rational perspective. Their behaviour is appalling and a very poor example to their DC.

CollectingCoins · 18/08/2017 09:05

My DD plays basketball and DS plays football (both soccer and Gaelic). I've seen no evidence of it at any of them so far. In fact I find everyone at the sidelines very supportive and positive to all the kids involved.
On the other hand I was talking to a man I know through work and he refs rugby matches at secondary level. He's had parents getting very annoyed when he insists kids leave the pitch after suffering bangs to the head. People would actually rather their kids play a highly contact sport with a possible concussion than leave game early. Mad.

Flyingflipflop · 18/08/2017 09:12

Oh Bertrand, I do cricket and rugby and it's just as bad!

I'm on the point of getting my name changed to Are You Fucking Blind!

Partypolitics99 · 18/08/2017 09:20

You only have to look at the fuss some parents make about parts in the nativity play never mind sport.

soupforbrains · 18/08/2017 09:21

oh Bert PC Mothers!

ZanyMobster · 18/08/2017 09:22

I run a cricket team and there is an A and B team (due to the nature of the sport and the way the league is set up). This way the more able fearless kids play in the A league and everyone else regardless of ability gets to play in the Bs. 99.9% of people are happy with this as long as the kids get to play but every year one person thinks their child should play in the A league and walks out, goes somewhere else and the same happens there. They are the sort of parents who move their child's school, football team etc for the same reasons.

I have also seen it at rugby and football regularly. In cricket it doesn't seem as bad at high level as there is a clear process for getting in, however there are then the issues of favouritism etc etc