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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think this is weird behaviour after a death?

73 replies

NoSoggyBottoms · 18/08/2017 03:56

I know this is a sensitive subject and I totally get that we all grieve differently but I know someone who's dad has passed and she kept some of his beard hair on the mantelpiece with other things (photos, etc) like a little shrine. Is this weird or have you heard of similar things?

OP posts:
StillDrivingMeBonkers · 18/08/2017 08:00

Grief is deeply personal. It's one of the things I wouldn't judge anyone one. You get through bereavement on a day-today basis.

KimmySchmidt1 · 18/08/2017 08:02

I'm baffled as to why people feel the need to start this sort of thread. How can you not see that this isn't a way of coping with the death of a loved one and instead be looking to a bunch of strangers to help you decide whether to judge another person's grieving as weird. Get a life.

cdtaylornats · 18/08/2017 08:11

It was common for Victorians to keep a lock of hair from a dead loved one usually mounted in "mourning" jewelery.

chips4teaplease · 18/08/2017 08:13

People just have to do what works for them.

echt · 18/08/2017 08:16

When my husband was on the donation pathway, the nurses said to take a lock of his hair. He had No.1 hair cut, and was mostly bald, so Hmm but the thought was a nice one.

I still ring his phone to hear the voicemail message, kept all his texts.

Hang on, is this a journalist fishing for copy?

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 18/08/2017 08:21

No OP, you're the weird one for making judgements about a bereaved person.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 18/08/2017 08:22

Thibk you may be right echtHmm

TheSolitaryBoojum · 18/08/2017 08:25

Good responses to an insensitive and puerile inquiry.

LoyaltyAndLobster · 18/08/2017 08:27

No it's not weird, stop being insensitive.

SukiTheDog · 18/08/2017 08:40

Grief does many things to people. As a child, I kept a handkerchief with my dad's tears on it. I'd never seen him cry before. He was a "hard man".... think any Tom Hardy character! Anyway, I kept it along with old letters and general "keepsake" paraphernalia, still folded as he'd left it, long after dad died. Thirty years of more. Then, my mum threw it away, thinking it was just an old hanky.

maddiemookins16mum · 18/08/2017 08:51

I had a "experience" with a phone number too. I actually deleted my mums home number a week or so after she died, I couldn't cope with seeing it on my recent calls list.
Just for the purpose of this exercise let's say her number was 01865 778990.
A year, if not more, later (at work) my work phone rang and this flashed up on the screen.....01865 779890. I remember just freezing and saying something out loud. For a split second I thought the last year had just been a Bobby Ewing type dream and she was phoning me (she often phoned at work for a few minutes). Of course it wasn't a dream, it was the Estate Agent in the same town who was dealing with the house sale. But just for a brief moment.......

SukiTheDog · 18/08/2017 08:55

Oh yes, to answer your question, no it's not weird and it's probably providing some small comfort to your friend.

sadeyedladyofthelowlands63 · 18/08/2017 09:19

I don't think anything people do when they're grieving is weird. If it helps them, it's normal.

MrsBobDylan · 18/08/2017 09:24

Hummmm, quite a good fish for info hey op?

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 18/08/2017 09:26

When my mum died I went into her room brandishing a pair of scissors and cut off some of her hair. I don't display it or anything and sometimes some 7 years later I look back and think wtf was I doing but grief is a very personal thing, there really is no right or wrong.

Colley when my mum died my dad kept on using her fb account if he wanted to look at family photos etc.....it kept coming up that mum liked my photo or whatever, now that really freaked me out.

LunaTheCat · 18/08/2017 09:36

Oh Colleysmill, I bet your Mum would have had a laugh!

Neutrogena · 18/08/2017 09:39

Grief is irrational.

PandorasXbox · 18/08/2017 09:43

Really OP?

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 18/08/2017 09:44

One of my most precious possessions is a battered old exercise book with my DM's handwritten notes in it. I remember sitting with her when she was writing in it 40 years ago.

HotelEuphoria · 18/08/2017 09:50

I keep my much loved dearly departed cat's collar round the candlestick by the side of the fire where he slept. I guess I am weird/a mad cat lady.

Siwdmae · 18/08/2017 10:04

Horse owners often cut off some tail to keep and have bracelets made from it. I've kept my horse's passport, bit and shoe on my dressing table. Am I weird?

No weirder than keeping the ashes of someone who was cremated, I guess.

frogsoup · 18/08/2017 10:09

My paternal grandparents' ashes are still in urns at my parents house as my dad gets comfort from that! I wouldn't personally, i don't think, but I certainly don't think it is weird.

rizlett · 18/08/2017 10:10

Dealing with the death of a loved one doesn't have to be devastating at all.

We can decide whether we want to focus on the positive time we had or on the negative loss we think we have.

WiganPierre · 18/08/2017 10:13

Not weird at all and a horrible thread to start OP. Do get lost dear.

maddiemookins16mum · 18/08/2017 10:18

Odd thread to start, but look at the responses, how comforting to see that we're not weird at all (but we all knew that anyway). I have some of my mums ashes in a tiny container too. It's personal, I don't take them shopping or on holiday or set a place for them at the table on Christmas Day, but I just like having them.