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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wish that for one day only, we could celebrate academic success

102 replies

Lelloteddy · 17/08/2017 21:23

Without social media being saturated with whimsical/passive aggressive/patronising posts and sermons about exam results being meaningless.
And of course academic success is only a small part of life but for one day only, on the day when many kids are celebrating the culmination of a couple of years of damn hard work with decent A level results, do they have to be shot down with what often sounds like sour grapes and told that their success is unimportant ?

C&P from a FB post that showed up on my timeline as an example:

' There are many options available to you and other ways to achieve your dreams. From repeating your exams, various types of further education, apprenticeships or employment whether it be paid or voluntary they all will help you on your journey. We all have different routes to take us there. And one route is not necessarily better than another'

Is there REALLY any need for the last sentence? Talk about pissing on people's chips

OP posts:

GavelRavel · 18/08/2017 08:25

Celebrate with the person involved and close family. Quite rightly it should be celebrated. Tell friends and family, go out for a celebratory meal. Putting it on social media is showing off, plain and simple.

Have you noticed how it's normally mothers who had little academic success themselves who do this? living vicariously through your kids on social media is all kinds of wrong imo.

YokoReturns · 18/08/2017 08:25

Academic success is its own reward, though, isn't it? You work hard, ace exams and take the confidence you've gained into the next set of exams, rinse and repeat (and I say this as someone who went to Oxford).

It's tough for those children who struggle academically.

user3785022135267845922 · 18/08/2017 08:27

OP, I really don't get your issue! I think you t seeing things in the Facebook post that aren't there??? This is such a confusing post, what is your issue?????

OhTheRoses · 18/08/2017 08:29

My dd surpassed expectations yesterday OP. She got 3A* and in four papers dropped just one Mark. We are hugely proud of her. We are more hugely proud of the empathy and sensitivity she has shown to classmates who just missed offers and that she quietly slipped away.

BarbarianMum · 18/08/2017 08:31

It's a very English attitude I think. Spirt is really the only field in which we are comfoftable at celebrating success. Succeed in anything else and you need taking down a peg or two.

Notevilstepmother · 18/08/2017 08:31

That message is to comfort those who didn't get the grades they wanted.

Nice stealth boast though.

BarbarianMum · 18/08/2017 08:31

Sport

BertrandRussell · 18/08/2017 08:33

"It's a very English attitude I think. Spirt is really the only field in which we are comfoftable at celebrating success. Succeed in anything else and you need taking down a peg or two."

This is such a British myth!

BertrandRussell · 18/08/2017 08:34

"We are more hugely proud of the empathy and sensitivity she has shown to classmates who just missed offers and that she quietly slipped away.'

I think I might have been prouder if she had stayed and supported her friends, frankly.........

Headofthehive55 · 18/08/2017 08:39

IT is important to let kids know A levels aren't the be all and end all.

And that goes for those that achieve AND those who haven't.

Otherwise they imagine they have been ranked for eternity in some sort of pecking order. Which isn't the case.

Isadora2007 · 18/08/2017 08:44

But then they say, to the privileged, equality can seem like oppression...

This is spot on. Academic success IS hugely celebrated and admired in society and has been for a long time. Now that people are more open about the alternative routes to success or pointing out that exam test a very specific set of abilities and knowledge which isn't necessarily a true indication of intelligence or future success those academics are now unhappy?

Still say you are being unreasonable.

Abra1d · 18/08/2017 08:48

ForalltheSaints Thu 17-Aug-17 21:49:02 Exams have been made easier over the years, though that is not the fault of those sitting them.*

Actually, many of those celebrating A level success have taken the revised Linear A levels, which are similar to the old A levels, with no modules or coursework. Fewer A*s and As have been awarded in the revised subjects.

Foxyloxy1plus1 · 18/08/2017 08:55

Surely it's natural to celebrate success and to be proud of achievements.

It's also important to recognise that there are different routes and that not making the grade in exams does not mean the end to dreams and aspirations. I think it's sensible to say that to young people, particularly those who haven't really experienced academic disappointment before and for whom that disappointment feels like the end of the world at the time.

I really don't think it's aggressive or ever intended to be.

Ev1lEdna · 18/08/2017 08:57

There are many options available to you and other ways to achieve your dreams. From repeating your exams, various types of further education, apprenticeships or employment whether it be paid or voluntary they all will help you on your journey. We all have different routes to take us there. And one route is not necessarily better than another'

What on earth is belittling or passive aggressive about this statement. There is more than one route to success, academic achievement isn’t the be all and end all – there is nothing in this statement which says that academic achievement isn’t good. I fully agree with it and I am a very academic person who passed every exam well. I still believe there are different routes and am quite happy telling students that. I really don’t see what is dismissive about this at all and I think you may be projecting your feelings onto it. I deal with kids who have failed exams and are trying again or rethinking their lives, the fact is academics isn’t for everyone and with the emphasis on academic achievement at schools and universities sometimes children and young adults need to be reminded of this at their most vulnerable. There is enough praise for those who achieve academically out there, plenty of cards and gifts and proud parent statuses (and that’s great too).

I think you need to remember OP that in a day when lots of people are celebrating great results and anticipating their future a few people will have failed and are feeling despondent. Pointing out there are other routes to success isn’t downplaying another persons academic success anymore than praising someone for their academic success is suggesting that anyone who hasn’t achieved it is a failure. There is room for both praise and alternative hope.

BertrandRussell · 18/08/2017 08:58

Mind you, for various reasons, I will be very disappointed if my ds isn't in the local paper next Thursday..........

Ev1lEdna · 18/08/2017 09:04

If anything, this thread has proven my point beautifully. We don't dare celebrate academic success and anyone who does so needs to be firmly put in their place.

FFS that's ridiculous, you are sounding a bit petty now. You can be full on with praise about academic achievement - I know, I have. I am incredibly proud of both students and my own children when they do well academically and I'll make a fuss. I will also remind them when they don't achieve academically (and I reiterate; not everyone is that way inclined) that there are numerous routes to success. I really can't see how you think this is a problem.

thecatsthecats · 18/08/2017 09:04

I've nothing in particular against that status, but yes, kids who've done well can absolutely be made to feel shit about there results. Been there, done that.

I was made to feel like absolute crap one AS results day (point of interest - January exams that could all be resat in the summer, so nothing final about them). Everyone, bar two people, was shit to me. I ended up nearly crying. All I did was be legitimately excited about my great results. I didn't go 'Just a B? Bad luck thicky.' or any crap like that.

Still bitter, in spite of my success now. Telling people they get to be rewarded later is bs. There is absolutely no excuse for making kids feel bad about good results. There's room to celebrate success and work on less good results.

Ev1lEdna · 18/08/2017 09:08

There is absolutely no excuse for making kids feel bad about good results. There's room to celebrate success and work on less good results.

That is very true, great results should be celebrated but I really don't think the status the OP posted is downplaying good results just reassuring people there are different routes.

BertrandRussell · 18/08/2017 09:10

"There is absolutely no excuse for making kids feel bad about good results"

And has anyone said there is?

thecatsthecats · 18/08/2017 09:23

No, and I even agreed that the status in question had nothing to do with playing down good results.

However, I have first hand experience that kids with good results ARE sometimes made to feel bad. Not by statuses like that, but by people, in person, being dismissive or rude.

The fact that no one on this thread has said that it SHOULD happen doesn't mean that it doesn't happen. PPs were saying that the status doesn't do down good results - I agreed, but pointed out that kids with good results are made to feel bad in other ways. OP gave one example, I added another.

worridmum · 18/08/2017 09:29

How would you like too tell people in sport that their achievements are meaningless as there competors ate less good then 10 years or more ago because everyone is less fit and healthy.

Oh wait we would never dream of doing that but its fine to make comments that exams were harder in my day so your achievements are less desvering.

tiggytape · 18/08/2017 09:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ev1lEdna · 18/08/2017 09:50

Yes, you are right it does happen. I experienced it too after my A-Level results and it shouldn't.

Chances are some people are cruel to those who get bad results because sometimes people are just horrible. It shouldn't happen. I definitely wasn't disagreeing with you.

Showandtell · 18/08/2017 10:09

I expect it happens because people are jealous. It happens in all walks of life, we've experienced it a lot in sport.

BertrandRussell · 18/08/2017 10:25

Ok. I think most people agree that the OP's example really isn't an example of the routine belittling and putting down of kids who do well.

Would anyone like to give an example of something that is?

Because in my experience, if anyone is going to be belittled and put down it sure as hell isn't the ones who get A*s.

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