To wish that for one day only, we could celebrate academic success

[Lelloteddy]

Without social media being saturated with whimsical/passive aggressive/patronising posts and sermons about exam results being meaningless.
And of course academic success is only a small part of life but for one day only, on the day when many kids are celebrating the culmination of a couple of years of damn hard work with decent A level results, do they have to be shot down with what often sounds like sour grapes and told that their success is unimportant ?

C&P from a FB post that showed up on my timeline as an example:

' There are many options available to you and other ways to achieve your dreams. From repeating your exams, various types of further education, apprenticeships or employment whether it be paid or voluntary they all will help you on your journey. We all have different routes to take us there. And one route is not necessarily better than another'

Is there REALLY any need for the last sentence? Talk about pissing on people's chips

Dd3 does a lot of sport. She's amazing at it. We've taught her that to be a good winner is very important - ie, support and appreciate all those who don't share her level of achievement. The OP would do well to learn this too.

We absolutely celebrate exam success on results day. And it's great if you have a DC who has done well. If you haven't been involved with a child who hadn't met their grades you have no idea how stressful the current system is . Results day can be an utter ordeal.

I really don't see how on a day where the papers are covered with pictures high achieving pupils that a few words such as the Lines printed such as you put in your post detracts from that. It can be comforting for those where things haven't gone to plan and doesn't apply to those who have.

The reality is not everyone gets what they needed and grades aren't always measured in terms of effort put in. It's a long wait and if your DC gets what's hoped that is fabulous. Enjoy and quit moaning as there are others yesterday who have had to deal with sobbing children and it is really bloody stressful. Agree that a bit of compassion wouldn't go amiss. There are still people on here with DC who aren't sure what they are doing next year after yesterday. That in no way detracts from the great successes there have been too. Luckily the overwhelming majority of parents of DC here do have compassion .

Mirabelletree how on earth do you know what my experiences of exam results have been up until this point?

And GenerationX could you be any more patronising? At NO point have I suggested that anyone who hasn't done well isn't deserving of empathy, compassion and sympathy.

If anything, this thread has proven my point beautifully. We don't dare celebrate academic success and anyone who does so needs to be firmly put in their place. It's so similar to the argument that sports days should be banned to protect the feelings of non sport kids.

'But wrong and mean spirited'

And your attitude towards kids who do well isn't?

I might be a bit sensitive as I have a dd who worked very hard all year and has done terribly. But please stop going on. You are sounding more and more U. Just be gracious and happy for your dd without expecting everyone else to big her up. She's done well. That's reward in itself.

Yabu. Those who got the grades they needed, awesome. They're into the course and they can celebrate with their families.
Those who didn't, well it's good to see these words of wisdom. Because, honestly, academic success is one (not at all guaranteed) route to success in life.

(And I say that as some one who got straight As then a first at uni)

@showandtell being a hard worker will stand her in good stead. She should be really proud of that. some of my most successful friends are the ones who were disappointed with their exam results.

Thank you nevertwerknaked. A lot of people have said this to her over the years. Her HOY thinks she's fab. But she just never seems to get the grades I can't bear to think of her in a dead end job she's so full of life and positive and diligent cries

Everyone: YABU, everyone still thinks your kids are marvellous despite daring to mention that some won't be packing their cuddly toys to go a RG unis.
Op: We don't celebrate academic success.

Only friends & family are remotely interested in exam results, so the rest of us may see the grade inflation reported on the news, wonder how on earth 26% can get A/A*, note that boys have done better then girls this year and then read the next item on Barcelona. Reporting that there are other ways to success does not take anything away from your own excitement, It's just the rest of us don't care until our own children are in that position.

@showandtell the reality is that being good at passing exams is not a very good predictor of being a good employee. And I say that as someone who found exams a breeze.
We have had some amazing apprentices at my work who have worked really hard, shown willing and initiative and as a result have forged career paths that way.

We have had people come with great grades who think they have already "made it" and are complacent and arrogant . strangely they don't last as long

Results day can be very traumatic for young people who don't get the results they feel they needed, and so I think it is the one day when actually we need to support those who have not succeeded academically!
If you've just got into your preferred next step then you won't give a monkeys what's in social media! Who cares, you've successfully and are doing what you want!
I you have got what you needed it can be a lot harder, and that's not just about 'academic' success. I got AAB in my Alevels, so was arguably academically successful, but I was truly devastated on results day because they weren't the grades i needed for my university offer! I needed the support of my school to see me through contacting my university.
The people who got three C's but were in at their uni were celebrating and didn't need any more congratulations!
YABU and honestly quite closed minded here in my opinion, and I bet your DC has had plenty of congratulations from family and friends - they don't need any more!

Wow, OP, it sounds as if the post you c&p was directed towards someone gutted to have done less well.

Of course everyone values academic success. But the life stories of many successful people do tell us that exams are only one route. How could you say to Richard Branson, or someone, that their route to success was substandard to any other?

Empathy for someone suffering is not pissing in the chips of those who are euphoric with glee.

You sound as if you are stamping your foot at not getting enough reflected glory.

I'm not one for Facebook or memes but it's I can't see anything at all wrong with it. It belittles no one to say that there's more than one route to success.

I got 10 A/A* grades at gcse, 3 As at A level, degeee and masters. After 8 years in a well paid professional job decided to change career and now have a very junior role earning not very much.

I am so much happier. As a pp said- there's more than one way to skin a cat. If your ambition in life is live happily and have a good balance between work and family life then getting A's in exams is not necessarily the start of that.

I'm really failing to see how you've taken offence from what you've C&Ped. It isn't at all criticising those who've done well. And that last sentence applies to everyone, people who've done well and badly in their exams. University ISN'T the only route, there are many career paths available, all equally valid.

I think YABVU and that it's doing your children a disservice to allow them to boast and feel slighted by things on Facebook that sound well thought through and sensible things to say. Modesty is such an important quality, especially if you are very good and things, and it is so important to be able to try and look at things from other people's perspective. Academic success is of course to be celebrated and to be encouraged. That goes without saying. But it should also be put in perspective. You need to be resilient, to be tough, to be a hard worker and to accept your failures and weaknesses to succeed however good your exam results were and they are important for a small time but often become irrelevant once you're established in work.
As a mother of two very academically able children and one child with severe brain damage I will always teach my children to celebrate different kinds of success and to think about others who are struggling.

The people, who don't succeed are those, who need more attention and bolstering. I'm not saying they should overshadow those, who have done well. And I'm not saying your dd should dampen down her celebrations. As someone, who didn't do very well in her 'A''s, passed out in one of the exams through stress and got an N in the subject, I know how it hurts to fail. My mother was nasty to me and told me how I'd wasted her money on my education. So any empathetic messages around to heal the pain of young people are great. I am struggling to see anything wrong with this post nor does it take anything away from those, who succeeded. Just because you are a caring mother, it doesn't mean all parents are the same.

I am completely mystified as to why you would find think that post denigrates academic success. Are you sure you haven't c&p'ed the wrong thing?

Mirabelle was one of the exceptionally kind posters yesterday who - whilst we celebrated the success of posters' DC who had done very well at A level - helped posters like me navigate with their DC through the Clearing system as there had been disappointment and anxiety.

I'll not forget their empathy and kindness. They understood the distress involved. They understood that having a Plan B reduces that.

You, OP, seem confused.

My bad, made the assumption as thought if you had you wouldn't be behaving like an utter dick .
We're not proving your point, you are not seeing the point everyone is making.

There are people on here who have got children who have just got into Cambridge telling you that YABU. But if it makes you happy carry right on. Ignore the fact there are some MN waking up to another anxious day after yesterday.

'But wrong and mean spirited'

And your attitude towards kids who do well isn't? confused"

I think it's fantastic when kids do well. I love reading boastposts on Facebook. I just don't see why extending a hand to kids who have done less well takes away from the high fliers achievements.

But Mumsnet is utterly obsessed with academic high fliers. It's practically impossible to have a discussion about education which isn't hijacked by the concerns of the top 10%. When those are the kids that are most likely to be the high achievers and high earners anyway.

There is nothing wrong with that comment - it's the truth. Sorry you feel your child's achievements haven't been exalted highly enough but really that's your issue. Other people can look at the bigger picture if they want.

What harm does it do her daughter to see that Joe Bloggs from next door who didn't do as well can still have a successful, happy life? Is her achievement only worth something if others fail/are miserable?

Her achievement cannot be taken away from her, ever. So to take your flippant example, does an 18 yr old really need social media telling them that college etc exists to know that those who didn't achieve are not going to be cast into the wilderness forever?

I think you're being silly OP.
There is plenty of kudos for academic success.

But those dancing around on social media posting their grades and their children's grades have absolutely no class.
Such a lack of empathy for others will only ever hold them back.

And let's be honest. There are always many ways to skin a cat. The route to success comes in many forms.
And even those who do succeed academically will need to show a hell of a lot more than grades to succeed thereafter.