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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take DD to wedding or not?

49 replies

Emboo19 · 17/08/2017 21:07

I know not a AIBU, but I need to make a quick decision so we can rsvp!

We're invited to one of DP's work friends wedding in October, I don't know anyone who'll be there. We've booked to stay over and initially planned to leave DD with my parents (she wasn't actually on the invite, so we thought not invited)
Anyway the groom spoke to DP at work today to ask about food for DD at the wedding. So turns out she's invited, lots of DC will be there and they'd like her to come. DP's now thinking we take her and the groom has given him babysitter details, if we want to book someone to stay in the room with her later on.
I don't like the idea of a baby sitter from a agency though, so don't think I want to do that. I'd be happy to go to the room with her if she got tired and wouldn't sleep in the pushchair though. DP said he'd feel bad if I did that though.
I was thinking it would be nice to go without her. Good opportunity to dress up, both drink and enjoy the hotel room. But l don't know anyone other than DP and if there's lots of kids there, will I feel more comfortable and fit in more with DD.

So WWYD? And any lovely reassuring hotel/agency babysitter stories in case we do try that.

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OlennasWimple · 17/08/2017 21:10

We've used hotel babysitters before - they work best IME if you can settle your child down in bed and then hand over to the babysitter. I wouldn't want them to have to do the whole getting ready for bed routine, especially in the confined quarters of a hotel room

How old is DD? Is she likely to stay up all night anyway, or will she guaranteed need to crash at 8pm-type thing?

Butterymuffin · 17/08/2017 21:12

I've used hotel babysitters and it's been fine. I would consider doing that then you have the best of both worlds. If not, is the wedding near enough for your parents to come and pick her up at say 6-7pm?

honeylulu · 17/08/2017 21:12

I'd be happy to go to the room with her if she got tired and wouldn't sleep in the pushchair though.

Here is your answer.
Also i have used a nanny hire service at two weddings. Just popped back and forth to breastfeed/ check all was ok.

Original poster
Emboo19 · 17/08/2017 21:12

Sorry should have added that she'll be just over a year!

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AvoidingCallenetics · 17/08/2017 21:13

I wouldn't leave my child with an unknown sitter. Leave her with gps as planned and have a great night out. Be a shame to go and end up in the hotel room early 8n the evening cos the baby is tired.

isthistoonosy · 17/08/2017 21:14

I've used this type of sitter once for two days (not overnight) and she was amazing. The four yr old still ask yr later if he will see her again.
If I could get her or someone like her I'd book her to take baby home to.your parents after dinner and them dd overnight.

SunsetGrigio · 17/08/2017 21:18

Leave her with the grandparents and enjoy the night with your partner. You won't care about not knowing anyone after a couple of wines.

Original poster
Emboo19 · 17/08/2017 21:20

If we used a sitter, I would change and settle/feed her. I wouldn't go until she was asleep so I guess they just sit in the room? So if she woke up and was upset, they'd come get us?

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penstemon · 17/08/2017 21:21

A wedding where you don't know anyone can be really dull so I'd be tempted to take DD and then you can use her as an excuse... whether for all of you to leave at the end, for you to sit with her in the room in the evening, for you to take her for a walk in her pushchair in the afternoon as she needs a nap etc. If you are having a brilliant time, you can just park her in a corner of a room and she can sleep in her pushchair.

Original poster
Emboo19 · 17/08/2017 21:24

I'm not overly bothered about not knowing people Sunset
But DP seems keen to take her now, I think he wants to show her off a bit (which for him is really nice). Plus we don't have many parent friends so I think he's thinking we might make some!
There's apparently stuff on the kids as well.

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Oops4 · 17/08/2017 21:46

We've been invited to quite a few weddings where the kids have been on the invite but barring family weddings, we laugh at the thought, phone granny and start planning our child free day!

One wedding was a couple from our group of friends. Most couples brought their kids, ourselves and one other couple didn't. Who do you think had the best time? The more wine we drank the more smugly we laughed at our friends who were taking it turns to pace round with the prams, try and eat their meal when it was slightly warm and had to leave the ceremony (kinda defeats the point of going) because their bored kids were kicking off. And to be honest, our kids had far more fun with granny and grandad than they would have had at the wedding.

I'd just thank them but say no you'd really rather just come and enjoy yourself

Original poster
Emboo19 · 17/08/2017 21:57

That was my thinking Oops4 although DD is usually really good.
As we don't know anyone, there won't be any help either. When we've been to family events there's plenty of people DD knows to take her for a bit.

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Original poster
Emboo19 · 17/08/2017 21:59

But then DP's work friends are going and he went on the stag do so as met the grooms other friends and some family. So am I going to be sat on my own whilst he gets drunk. Maybe DD will be better hotel room company than him!

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Trills · 17/08/2017 22:04

You'll have a better time if she goes to your parents as you planned.

It's kind of them to give you the choice, but they certainly won't mind if you do not bring a one year old.

Urubu · 17/08/2017 22:04

We have used babysitters several times to give the DC dinner in the room using room service and put them to bed with no issues (3yo twins).
Enjoy the evening child free but take your DD to the wedding!

Sparrowlegs248 · 17/08/2017 22:06

I'd leave her at home. Have a night out.

SunsetGrigio · 17/08/2017 22:06

It's nice he wants to show her off. I wouldn't want the stress of taking her but I have a 10 week old and 2 older kids so an adult-only day/night seems like a delicious dream.

Jedimum1 · 17/08/2017 22:07

Is it really expensive to go there? Could you book an extra room for grandparents? You could all go around the area the next day. Obviously, if it's hundreds of pounds, not. But if a room is something like £50-£60, that might be what you'd have paid to babysitter (if not more), and baby would be best with the grandparents, plus you could a have a nice day out the next day? Or make it a weekend trip?

NoMoreMissusNiceGuy · 17/08/2017 22:09

I AM a hotel babysitter through an agency (amongst other things - I work with pre-schoolers and in an afterschool club as well). I have babysat for children from 6weeks to 14yrs. The older they are the more likely I have to do the bedtime routine.

For 1yr olds the parents usually do what you are proposing - get little one ready for bed, fed and usually asleep. I've only had to call a parent back to the room once (in 4 years) when the baby wouldn't take a bottle that had been left for her - mum popped back, fed baby, put her back to bed and all was well.

So, don't worry if you do decide to go down the babysitter route, all will be fine Grin

user1493413286 · 17/08/2017 22:14

I'd stick with your original plan and have a night out the two of you as those are few and far between.
I'm not sure you'd settle and have fun having a stranger look after your daughter and your daughter might struggle to settle with a stranger in a different environment.

pilates · 17/08/2017 22:19

Leave with grandparents and enjoy some time with your husband.

Original poster
Emboo19 · 17/08/2017 23:09

Yes its really expensive Jedimum1. Which was kinda of our reasoning when booking it, that we'd not be having DD so could make a day/night of it.

That's reassuring NoMore if we go down that route.

I just don't NO!!!
Maybe I'll tell DP that we won't get to have sex and he won't be able to get drunk and see if he still wants to take DD.

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Original poster
Emboo19 · 17/08/2017 23:10

*Know!!

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Jedimum1 · 17/08/2017 23:52

If it's expensive, I'd maybe leave DD with grandparents and then you can have some time as a couple, party a bit with the knowledge that your DD is well and safe in an environment she knows? Either way I think you'll be fine. She's one, she probably falls asleep in the pram if you go for a short walk around the building at her usual bedtime. Or out of tiredness a bit later!

Original poster
Emboo19 · 18/08/2017 08:02

That's my thinking Jedimum1 it's a lovely hotel, we can be checked in early and get ready there so no traveling in our best clothes. Then a nice breakfast the following morning and it's got a spa we can use.

But DP is saying he wants to bring her and we can get a sitter or she'll sleep in the pushchair. He has said he won't drink much, although he doesn't see why it will stop us having sex completely, although admits it will reduce our chances.

Seen as they're his friends is this a time I should let him have the final say?

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