To take DD to wedding or not?

[Emboo19]

I know not a AIBU, but I need to make a quick decision so we can rsvp!

We're invited to one of DP's work friends wedding in October, I don't know anyone who'll be there. We've booked to stay over and initially planned to leave DD with my parents (she wasn't actually on the invite, so we thought not invited)
Anyway the groom spoke to DP at work today to ask about food for DD at the wedding. So turns out she's invited, lots of DC will be there and they'd like her to come. DP's now thinking we take her and the groom has given him babysitter details, if we want to book someone to stay in the room with her later on.
I don't like the idea of a baby sitter from a agency though, so don't think I want to do that. I'd be happy to go to the room with her if she got tired and wouldn't sleep in the pushchair though. DP said he'd feel bad if I did that though.
I was thinking it would be nice to go without her. Good opportunity to dress up, both drink and enjoy the hotel room. But l don't know anyone other than DP and if there's lots of kids there, will I feel more comfortable and fit in more with DD.

So WWYD? And any lovely reassuring hotel/agency babysitter stories in case we do try that.

Arghhh!!! If she comes I then have to re think my outfit! I'm breastfeeding and although she'll take a bottle of expressed milk she won't from me. And the dress I was planning on wearing is not breastfeeding friendly!!

It will end up being your responsibility though, won't it?

He might have just as nice a time with her there, but you won't.

I don't think he is considering it realistically.

I have a one year old. I wouldn't personally feel comfortable leaving her with a hotel babysitter that I have never met before.

I did recently take her to a wedding though and it was fine. She was asleep in the buggy most of the time. We did leave at 9pm but that was mainly for my other DC to go to bed, DD would have been fine later.

That's my worry Trills although I'm not bothered about telling him if he needs to take over or help out, even with his friends there.
That was my initial thinking Kimberly but a few posters say they use them, DD will be asleep and we'll be right downstairs so easy to go up and check on her. Its not actually the hotel it's a agency (but they'll send someone to the hotel) and all the sitters have to have childcare qualifications, references and dbs checks.

DP has said I can have final say, but he thinks it would be nice to take her. I feel bad thinking it would be nicer without!

They may well have all the relevant checks, but you have never met them before and your DD doesn't know them.

For something like nursery they would have settling in sessions, you would meet the workers, let them know your daughters routines etc. I wouldn't want my DD to wake up in the night with a stranger. I'm not saying its unsafe or anything but if you will leave her with a babysitter anyway wouldn't her grandparents be better

DP's thinking we won't get a sitter until 8/9 so she'll have been with us all day. If she goes to my parents she's there all Saturday and most of Sunday.
I think if we did leave her, I'd ask to be called if she woke up and I'd settle her back to sleep. She very rarely wakes though!
But I get what you're saying.

The more you post, the more I think you should firmly state a preference for leaving her in familiar, child-centred care with her grandparents. Weddings are boring and alien for babies.
I am a baby fiend, I would cluck over your baby for 2 minutes because it's a baby, and inwardly thank my lucky stars I wasn't the one at the wedding with her. I've done with and without my own daughter and without wins hands down, even though we congratulated ourselves on how well the "with" went. Your husband is a little blinded by hormones in his Lion King fantasy of showing her off as most people will think "Oh hell! A baby! I hope they take it out if it screams."
You will feel rumpled and flustered at times. Maybe you are different to me but my internal thermostat ran to hot when breastfeeding and channeling Kristen Scott-Thomas elegance whilst wrangling a baby is a challenge. Weddings often involve standing around for long periods too hot or too cold; there are prolonged periods where quiet is required and desirable. If she goes, even if you have a gold star husband, you are likely to be dipping in and out of the day.
It's a long day for a few minutes of showing off, and polite interest from the majority in your doubtless lovely, but non-messianic infant.

I wouldn't hire a baby sitter. Can you take your parents with you to help keep an eye on her when you drop her back at the hotel. It might be nice for them to have a night away. They could enjoy wherever it is you're going while you three are st the wedding and then keep an eye on her in the evening.

Leave her with grandparents. You can dress up, switch off and have a drink.

What's there to think about?!

Thats it Light nice dress and heels don't go with chasing a crawling (or maybe even just walking!) 1 year old around the dance floor. I was looking forward to being a bit glammed up and not having DD think mummy looks better wearing my lunch than me eating it!

it's the fact he wants to take her Pandora we had a rocky start to family life and him wanting to take her when we don't have to is a pretty big thing and I think he's genuinely thinking it will be a nice family day.

No I can't take my parents Dina the wedding and reception is at the same venue so it's only being used for the wedding guests, they couldn't eat there or wander round. And I wouldn't ask them even if they could, really.

Well if you think it's important to him and you're fine with that then take her.

I've done wedding with one year old, wedding with hotel babysitter and wedding leaving baby with my parents.

Honestly, leave her with your grandparents. Check into the hotel early, enjoy a bottle of fizz and hotel sex, get dressed up without worrying that you'll get bodily fluids all over you, enjoy the ceremony without worrying about DD making a noise at an inopportune moment. Have some drinks, enjoy being a couple and having time to chat and dance and just hang out. Enjoy yourselves without worrying about naps and feed times and the fact that DD is massively overtired and overstimulated.

Have a lie in (the best part IMO) and leisurely breakfast before you go and pick DD up, who will have had a fabulous time with grandparents, who in turn will have loved having her.

I think it's lovely he wants to take her, but honestly Pandora I don't want to! I guess that just makes me feel like a terrible mother.
But I want what welsh describes!

I'd take her but take a pram and if you need to then go for a walk until she falls asleep and let her sleep in the pram where you can keep an eye on her.
I definitely wouldn't use an agency sitter though.

Of course you're not terrible. You'd be leaving her with her grandparents who love her. You don't have to have her with you 24/7.

I know I don't Pandora and I don't feel bad leaving her generally. We're going away tomorrow and staying overnight, DD is staying with my parents. I think it's because he's saying he wants to take her, I feel bad saying I don't.

Anyway, I've said he can make the decision, we have to tell them today! I don't want to use a sitter though and he has to not drink too much that he can't take care of DD and he's going to have to run around after her and she's sitting with him to eat (there was talk of a pasta option for kids, and she feeds herself). And I'm using the spa in the morning, so he'll have to entertain her then.

It's nice that your husband wants to show her off, but in reality it will be hard work and probably you that will do most of it. DD will be bored, out of her routine, in an unfamiliar place. She won't be an angel.

We've been invited to a wedding in the autumn and DS is 2. He is invited but he's staying with grandparents. Sadly we'll have DC2 who will be a newborn, so no night off for us, but at least no toddler wrangling required, so it'll probably feel like a night off! He'll be happier being spoilt at home by my parents.

Enjoy the fancy hotel and spa and lie in and leave your DD to spend time with her grandparents is my vote.

I let him decide and she's coming with Caterina99
He's been told he's doing the running round after her though and he can't get drunk.

Still can't help thinking it's a bit of a waste of what we've paid to stay over, but it's his money.

Anyway I'm sure it will be fine and in case it's not my very lovely parents have said if she's really unsettled or hard work they'd come collect her. It's about 45/50 mins drive so didn't want to ask that of them, but they offered straight away.

@lightdrizzle

LOL at your Kirsten Scott Thomas comment!

Four weddings is such a classic!

One of my best friends is getting married this year, I was fully planning on DD who will be just turning 2 to have a sleepover with my Mum & Dad and enjoying a very very rare night out with DH.

BF has asked for DD to be flower girl...... my visions of an adult day have vanished like a puff of smoke as saying "sorry I don't want DD to be a flower girl so I can get pissed and dance with my husband and friends" isn't really the done thing.

Luckily it's only about an hour away so my parents have taken pity on us and said they will come and collect her and take her home after the day bit.

The chance of DD walking nicely down the aisle with people she doesn't really know? Zilch

Glad I'm not the only mum a bit disappointed in having to take DC to a wedding. I've seen a few post of the opposite, offended their DC weren't invited.

His work friends haven't seen DD or him as a dad really I guess. So it is nice he wants to take her and I'm sure it will still be a lovely day. I think I will get my parents to come collect her though, feel a bit guilty them driving to get her to just take her home to bed. But we'd both be able to relax and enjoy the evening and next morning together.

I shouldn't complain, we dropped DD this morning and we are in the car on our way somewhere for a night away. And I'm going to Leeds fest next weekend.

I think that's the best outcome. DH gets to show off his little girl, you both get a break, grandparents get to spend time with GDD. I'd still have a quick look for cheap hotels around the area, in case you want to offer grandparents the option go stay over, but I think your solution is the best middle ground for everyone.

He does seem very happy she's coming with Jedimum1 so that's nice. He's not my DH though.
Although I am getting worried about that, he's very gushy over weddings at the moment and that's not usually him.

I suggested my parents look at staying nearby (we'd pay obviously) but they'd planned to take DD out for the day on the Saturday, so want to do that on the Sunday now. It will be easier for them getting ready and getting there from their home.