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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect 4/5 year old boys to attend/enjoy DD's Frozen themed Birthday party?

53 replies

barefoofdoctor · 16/08/2017 19:19

DD soon to be 4 adores Frozen and would like a full on Frozen themed Birthday party. Approximately 3 of the nine or so invited will be boys. I know their parents well enough to comfortably ask whether their boys will want to attend, however, AIBU to NOT provide 'alternative' junk for the boys?

Party bags etc would be along the lines of tiaras, junk jewellery, bubbles, sweets etc, but I've tangled my brain into knots thinking maybe I should offer an alternative to the boys, ie. Spider-Man/Paw Patrol, but then what if some of the girls would prefer Spider Man/Paw Patrol and upset is caused and it all ends up in a case of party bags at dawn? (and more cost incurred on what is essentially utter crap which will be landfill within the fortnight). But will the boys be disappointed by traditional 'girl stuff'?

DD is gloriously, utterly feral, but also has a very girly side which I am happy to indulge (encourage at times!). I want to go all out on her chosen theme but, well, help please oh wise ones. I am losing my way on a non-gender-specific/pc path I fear may be riddled with traps and potential upsets. At 4 (ish) years old are children already socially conditioned enough to really notice/care about this stuff and AIBU to cater to my DDs tastes above all else?

OP posts:
WellThisIsShit · 16/08/2017 19:56

I'd label the party bags with names and do an exchange for just one especially 'girly' item such as a tiara, but not for anything violent, just a slightly more gender neutral item.

Hopefully the party itself will be inclusive and fun for all. I say this because my DS went to an awful frozen party a couple of years ago. It was a whole class party but only a few boys came in the end, and one by one they ended up sat at the sides or begging to go. The Elsa party entertainers 'patter' was exclusively girl focused and made the boys feel really uncomfortable, when there really was just no need to do that. It was resolutely at the extremes of pretty pretty femininity eg let's go on a princesses dance around the flowers. Everyone point their pretty toes and keep a watch for the special pink flower to put in your hair... come on girls let's do a twirl when you see it. Ignores the boys trailing behind being forced to join in at the back.

Sigh. Worst thing was when the boys had given it a fair go and vamoosed to the cafe, the angry mother of birthday girl was getting a coffee there and saying very crossly, very loudly, and very publically that the boys (5yrs old!) were pathetic and rude etc. Two of the boys were in tears anyway as they felt laughed at (it was all a bit weird tbh!), so hearing an angry adult insult them more was a great way to finish off a wonderful party!

It was so extreme and bonkers I can't quite get that over in words, but it was such a odd party! I did think afterwards that it was a fascinating (& grim) example of how children soak up cultural gender identity and stereotypes, even by yr R, and it served to dividing the sexes even more argh!

Anyway, the lesson I think is, made sure the entertainer is prepared for a mixed party and will need to be suitably inclusive for all!

Good luck!

lalalemon · 16/08/2017 19:57

My friends little boy had a frozen party, he even wore and Elsa dress! Cutie pie!

Sleephead1 · 16/08/2017 20:03

We went to my friends lg party lots of boys there and she had a frozen princess there. She did tattoos, songs, party games ect and they all loved it they all got a present from princess and she had a mix of presents some dolls, paw patrol sticker book, sewing kit ect. The party bags were not themed. Just had cake, bubbles, sweets ect in. All the boys seemed to enjoy it they where 3/4

Sleephead1 · 16/08/2017 20:04

Oh and my lb hasnt seen frozen but loved all the games she did things like freeze pose ect and they all had to do it it was gin

Sleephead1 · 16/08/2017 20:05

Fun

frozenfairy123 · 16/08/2017 20:06

My ds would not be impressed with a tiara and personally at 4 I don't like pencils in a party bag as they can be used like a weapon. Crayons are better. Keep it neutral.

I got finger lights for mine and they are great for all xx

Original poster
barefoofdoctor · 16/08/2017 20:08

Thanks for all the helpful advice - Am definitely overthinking but have massive (medically diagnosed) social anxiety and children's parties are a whole new terrifying thing for me (ridiculous I know).

I will go for the neutral junk (despise 'stuff' which is purely designed to end up in landfill but rubbish filled party bags are apparently non negotiable!). Am intending to double up our Frozen 'stuff' at Christmas time (Very Religious Mother will probably disown me) so won't feel so bad, then can pass it all on to some other poor sod parent, so it will get at least 3 outings.

DD has just started returning from nursery (two mornings a week) saying this is a boy or a girl colour etc etc. Makes my blood boil that it starts so damn young.

OP posts:
Hoping4alotterywin · 16/08/2017 21:37

You may have already got all the party bags done but my little boy had a space dinosaur (wonderfully weird theme) party and a number of girls came, as it was warm weather (thankfully) I bought a water pistol in the shape of an alien blaster from B&M for a pound each. they had one of those and a slice of cake and they were all happy as Larry. So maybe do the same and wrap a little note tag on to each one saying "i hope this doesn't freeze you but keeps you cool" or something less corny ad cringeworthy?! Sorry I'm no wordsmith!

grasspigeons · 16/08/2017 21:42

My boys would have been fine, but those with sisters might be a bit more aware of 'that's for girls' how about some instant snow powder instead

Queenofthedrivensnow · 16/08/2017 21:47

Barefoot - I get stressed about kids parties and I don't have social anxiety they are a big trigger though.

My dd1 was completely contaminated at nursery and went from not caring to caring massively! Hey ho

Allthebestnamesareused · 16/08/2017 21:48

My DS went to a girl's fairy party 22 years ago when he was 3.

I dressed him as an pixie in shorts, a tabard, made felt trims for round his trainers and a hat from felt.

I gave him some green tights to put on under the shorts. I'm not wearing tights, he said. They are special pixie tights, I said. Ok he said.

He swapped his car in his party bag for one of the girl's wands.
(mutual consent)

Heartshappedsunglasses · 16/08/2017 21:56

If you haven't done party bags yet one thing I find really good is making a cookie mix to take home and bake. Dry ingredients in a bag, instructions and a cookie cutter . Search Pinterest for ideas. Parties do not need to equal landfill. It is negotiable. Set a trend.

crunched · 16/08/2017 22:03

Olaf and Kristoff have central roles in Frozen. And I'm guessing the reindeer is male - could be wrong on that though.
I find it interesting that you only seem to have seen the feminine aspects as those that would be emphasised in the party bags.
I may be influenced by seeing the movie with a group of six year old boys though...

BubbleBed · 16/08/2017 22:04

Both my two had pushchairs, dolls, etc. But neither of them would have wanted a tiara in a party bag aged 4. A Crown however, would have gone down well. So maybe swap to crowns instead of tiaras?

d270r0 · 16/08/2017 22:09

Frozen themed party absolutely fine but wouldn't go with tiaras or jewellrey for boys. I am sure some will like them but not all. If they are school age or even have older siblings they will be beginning to buy into the girl/boy stereotypes and be less than impressed. 3 year olds wouldn't care but at that age they are starting to. When my ds was in his first year of school, 4 years old, he went to a party and there was a bracelet in the party bag, he looked at it with an unimpressed expression then said 'You can have that mummy'. He didn't get that attitude from me, they pick it up in school.

Fresh8008 · 16/08/2017 22:18

Fine for 4/5 year old boys as long as its Frozen the film and not just a girly princess party. I hate party bags, never seen one that isn't in the bin within minutes. Definitely no tiaras, jewelry or bubbles for the boys or they will leave the party on a downer. Just cake and sweets.

mamahibou · 16/08/2017 22:19

Instead of toys et we got a piñata from amazon and filled it with cheap home bargains sweets. Kids had a riot tying to burst it then scrambled to fill their party/swag bags with the contents . It has now become a party tradition in our house.

Jedimum1 · 16/08/2017 22:21

Yes, neutral bags with crayons, animal colouring books, bubbles, etc.

Olaf is supposed to be the alternative for boys within the Frozen theme. If you are really worried about it, make a game of "basketball" where they have to throw "snowballs" (white foam balls, for example) onto baskets. Print out some colouring sheets with "Marshmallow", the big scary snow monster or a big printout for them to throw water balloons at?
My child is the same age, I get what you are saying. They are trying to make sense of the world and they are categorical, there are no grey areas. I downplay it as much as I can and always give examples to the contrary: mummy wears trousers, some men have long hair, some boys like princesses, etc. I did a Frozen party for my 3yo and didn't offer alternative for boys. I asked "Elsa" to sing nursery songs and do pass the parcel as well as some of her routine. It was not an issue. I've been to Paw Patrol parties with no girly alternative, no issue either. It will be fine :)

CoffeeChocolateWine · 16/08/2017 22:30

My son has been to a few of Frozen/Princess/My Little Pony/quite girlie parties and enjoyed them, but I think he (and I) would be a bit Hmm at him being given a tiara in a party bag. I don't think there's any need to go 'girlie' on the party bags. I always try and do kids' party themes that are appealing to both girls and boys and same with the party bags. I usually put in a few sweets, bubbles, maybe stickers, notebook and pencil, generic toy like a bouncy ball, squirty toy and a balloon. Or you could give them a book each and a piece of cake or a sweetie cone. If you really want to do the tiaras for the girls, how about getting antler headbands for the boys??

SomedayMyPrinceWillCome · 16/08/2017 22:32

My DS would love a frozen party & would definitely wear the tiara. However, he did wear a spider girl dress to his own party!

Fruitcorner123 · 16/08/2017 22:40

My DD had a frozen party and we had craft table. I had tiaras and crowns for them to decorate which i then put in their party bags. From memory I had sticker sheets, frozen bubbles, cake and sweets and I think pencils so nothing else that could be gender specific.

We had boys and they had a fab time - boys love frozen too.

Boomcracker · 16/08/2017 22:46

Whatever you choose to put in the bags make them all the same. You can't assume all the girls will be happy with a tiara and all the boys will be happy with a sword.

The kids should be taught to be thankful for the party bag no matter what is in it. It's a gift. Nobody is making the boys wear a tiara but they should be given the choice imo. My 3 year old son would LOVE one though. We have to watch frozen almost daily Grin

YourDaughterHasATattoo · 16/08/2017 22:54

Not read the full thread (sorry Blush). But went to a Frozen themed party with a fab party bag idea after. It was a few marshmallow things, some black and orange sweets and a little tube of icing. They were all put in a little bag with a tag "do you wanna build a snowman?!" DS adored it! I'll see if I can find a photo. Would your DD like that?

YourDaughterHasATattoo · 16/08/2017 22:59

Found it!

To expect 4/5 year old boys to attend/enjoy DD's Frozen themed Birthday party?
Whatsername17 · 17/08/2017 07:45

I tend to do sweetie cones. You can get printed stickers from Amazon that have a picture of the Frozen theme with the birthday girls name, and 'Thank you for coming to my party' for a couple of pounds.