AIBU to feel the tiniest bit spied on? (Sort of lighthearted. Well, a bit.)

[BaggypantsCrimplesnitch]

Relatively recently we moved to a much more rural location than before, and my DH, being a techie type, put CCTV cameras up all over the place in the garden so we could look out for wildlife, particularly at night - we see deer, various birds, hedgehogs, etc, which is all very nice. However, he can access these cameras remotely via the Internet, and often he'll get home from work and say something like, "Pleased to see you getting on with some weeding today!" or, "Where were you off to in the car then?" I know he doesn't mean anything by it, and I'm probably being over sensitive, but it makes me feel a little bit intruded on, if that makes sense?

Interested to know how other MNetters would feel about it.

I'm in one of those weird couples that are super open that Mumsnet hates (Find My Friends, shared passwords, shared iPad etc) and even I think this is SUPER weird and would make me really uncomfortable.

We have simular, doesn't bother me at all. I suppose it depends on the relationship and personalities involved. We have had builders here for a few months and DH tunes in to see what they are doing ( not a lot!). He can also find me by my phone and many times he has looked for my location to see how long I'm going to be getting home so that food is on the table when I come through the door and vice versa.

Brilliant! I'll print some photos of Nessie, the Abominable Snowman etc and put them in front of the cameras - what a great idea! (I like the David Attenborough one, as well).

I'm inclined to agree with pps that it's probably just new toy syndrome, and I'm very grateful to @lurking for a male perspective, but it's good to know that I would not be U to ask him to stop if he doesn't get the hint from the pictures.

Why don't you just tell him outright it makes you uncomfortable instead of the nessie photos? You haven't answered the question of whether he is controlling in other ways? Obviously you have some concerns about it otherwise you wouldn't have posted...sorry to be a killjoy but if my husband did this I would be livid with him.

Are you sure the cameras aren't to keep tabs on you? It's all very creepy and intrusive.

I think the answer is to get a spade and start marking out a huge hole, about six feet long, then get a piece of card board and write RIP. AT LAST HE IS AT ONE WITH THE NATURE HE LOVED. Stick a bunch of garage chrysanthemums under the cardboard. Job done.

Sorry I haven't been back for so long...mother issues

@silkybear, yes, he can be a bit controlling, but only because I suffer from anxiety and depression and sometimes his care for me tips over into "there there, dear, I'll look after you". I haven't said anything to him about using the cameras because I genuinely wasn't sure if IWBU or not.

Sorry, but I wouldn't do anything jokey like Loch Ness Monster stuff - that implies it's okay. Which it really, really isn't, imo.

Fair enough reading my post back I sounded a bit rude. I just mean controlling relationships can be completely lovely at first and it is easy to miss warning signs and write stuff of as no big deal. It might be perfectly innocent but worth a proper chat with him

@silky, I didn't take it as rude at all - as a matter of fact you made me think hard about it, and you are right. I will have a word with him about it, but he's already been doing it less - I think it was the novelty of being able to as much as anything! Also he has a lovely female boss at work. Apparently he showed her the pictures from the cameras online and made a joke about setting some up indoors, and she really tore him off a strip on my behalf, so I think we're ok. But thankyou for being concerned on my behalf!

Weird.

As.

Fuck.

No, I wouldn't like this. Makes me wonder if the husband has done it to spy on the wife.

I have a mate whose DH keeps reading her texts, and opens her mail, and asks what her emails say, and who she's been talking to, and what they said...

He thinks he is just being 'friendly,' and 'getting involved in her life,' and they're a couple, so why would they not share stuff? Yet he keeps his briefcase with a pin code on it, a password on his laptop (she doesn't have one,) and has his phone locked in his briefcase 'because he knows it's safe in there and he knows where it is.'

I tell her to hide all her shit, but she says she doesn't want to 'lower herself to his level.' She does put her phone in a pocket in a jacket in the hall cupboard though, so he can't read the texts as he doesn't know where the phone is when the beep goes off! She said if he reads her texts, she doesn't know she's got one, as no unread messages are showing.

His boss sounds awesome it may well be just boys with their new toys as a previous poster said, in which case no worries. Hope he really was joking about setting up indoors though

@silky, he'd better have been, or there WILL be trouble!

@Notknown, no, that does sound wrong, and very one sided. I would hate that.

I'm baffled as to why you posted about this.. you clearly enjoy him watching you.. so what's the actual problem ?

Not sure where you got that from Gemini!

No, me either - I don't. otherwise why would I have posted to ask if IWBU?

Ok.. You've come onto Mumsnet asking all these Ladies for their opinion/advice... which they have all kindly taken the time to give you..

the majority have thought it creepy and controlling... but you've turned it into a child like game .. taking photos of the Loch Ness Monster and the like.. hunky gardeners etc..

So my confusion is this .. were you just bored and wanted to talk about your cameras, enjoying the added security ? or are you truly distressed by this and genuinely need advice.. ?

indeed.. which is exactly why I'm confused

if she starts bouncing around in the garden with photos of the Loch Ness Monster etc..

kinda takes the edge off .. deeply distressed ...

so yes.. I'm baffled by the whole Thread

You don't have to be lighthearted.

I wouldn't like that at all. Do any other aspects of his behavior concern you?

I need to know more about the bathroom scales from a pp, that's one of the worst things I've ever read on here

Well, having been in the exact same situation, I get it. Techy DH sets up new toy and thinks it is a joke to say he has been spying. OP feels pissed off and wonders if overreacting. Able to see that DH doesn't a actually it in weird way, and probably doesn't care what she was doing, but is interested by her reaction and wondering if others would feel the same!

I worked with a lady who was a bit like this with her husband... she used to check her phone during the day ( on which she could see the house via CCTV) and make comments such as " he should be cutting the grass by now" - I thought the whole thing was pretty weirdly claustrophobic. She did seem to be a fairly controlling type - although she would probably just call it organised. She used to plan their menus 3 months in advance.