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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be mad with my friends

40 replies

temporarilycross · 15/08/2017 17:36

I probably am but I feel really cross about this. Met up with 3 friends- we have a number of DC between us- they all have 2 or 3 boys, I have one girl and one boy. Very much of the conversation was dominated by how glad they were not to have girl children for the following reasons:
Girls are stroppy
Girls are high maintenance
Girls 'talk about pink stuff' and they couldn't bare this because they like their rough and tumble boys
Girls are bitchy teens
Girls want to play dollies and princesses

I explained numerous times that girls are as individual as their boys, and much of the above is ridiculous bullshit. I found myself defending my girl as she is just as gorgeous and individual as my boy.
These are intelligent women and I think they just got carried away with themselves but still I was quite upset. I should get over it but I'm tempted to join the next meet up

OP posts:
Jennypug · 15/08/2017 17:38

They may have been making themselves feel better over the daughters they never had. Of course a daughter is equally as delightful as a son, anyone with any sense knows that.

Theresnonamesleft · 15/08/2017 17:39

I would have laughed and said you realise boys can do all of that as well.

MessyHairDontCare88 · 15/08/2017 17:40

Definitely trying to make themselves feel better. What BS reasons to not want a daughter!

LoyaltyAndLobster · 15/08/2017 17:40

YANBU

Vonklump · 15/08/2017 17:41

Mums of girls do this too.
I also presume they are trying to make themselves feel better.

WorkingBling · 15/08/2017 17:41

Ridiculous. I'd be tempted to bin. But you could try pointed comments like, "So you think my DD is very bitchy/stroppy/high maintenance?" etc. i.e. make them see that they could be referring to your daughter.

But if this is a regular thing, I don't see these relationships improving. sorry.

liverbird10 · 15/08/2017 17:42

YADNBU.

When I was a little girl my DMum used to constantly go on about how boys were much easier to raise and to deal with than girls. (I have two elder brothers and a younger sister.) I remember hearing it from the time I was very small and used to feel quite miffed about such a dumb generalisation even that far back!

I wasn't too bad as a teen but my sister - who heard the same thing spouted throughout her childhood - turned into an utter horror throughout her teens and into early adulthood.

I love my mum dearly, but in some ways she built a rod for her own back. My sister, in some ways, acted the way she'd been conditioned to by what Mum expected her to be like on account of being female.

It's not a good idea!

Allthewaves · 15/08/2017 17:46

Bit weird. Did they moan about boys too?

JuicyStrawberry · 15/08/2017 17:48

I agree they are trying to make themselves feel better. I think those are lame reasons to not want a girl and I say this as a mum of boys. I'm genuinely happy with what I have so I don't come out with rubbish like that! Smile

kkkkaty123 · 15/08/2017 17:50

Sounds like they are just trying to convince themselves to me

Trb17 · 15/08/2017 17:53

Trying too hard to convince themselves I think. Rotesting a little too much I'd say... clearly miffed you've got one of each.

eviethehamster · 15/08/2017 17:54

I agree with all PP that they are trying to make themselves feel better for not having a little girl. Ignore them.

schoolgaterebel · 15/08/2017 17:56

Sounds like they really wish they had daughters as well as sons.

YANBU I think they were rude and insensitive to you, you shouldn't walk away from seeing your friends feeling like crap.

You need to decide if you are going to say something to them about how they upset you.

Or

Walk away from these friends (who didn't really act like friends in this instance)

WhoreOfBabyliss · 15/08/2017 18:11

I agree with WorkingBling I think I would be taking this slightly personally. It's all so juvenile and unnecessary. They are almost certainly jealous. Do you really value the opinion of these women OP?

Huppopapa · 15/08/2017 18:15

It's no reason to break friends over but they really are being daft. The obvious first question is 'are you saying your parents should not have wanted you?'. Don't challenge them: invite them to justify their remarks.

I am more delighted than I can describe to have two daughters. I worry for their future much less than I do about my many nephews whose skills sets seem less adapted to the World as it is going to be. I see young men struggling and boys needing guidance and help: kicking out at girls and women will solve nothing.

Original poster
temporarilycross · 15/08/2017 18:22

They are very old friends so I don't want to ditch them completely. I am going to send a message to say I was upset yesterday- I am the only person in that group with a girl so it's difficult not to take personally. Do mums of
Girls do this too? I've a number of friends with 2 girls and I've never heard anything so stupid from any of them.
Those of you who have said it's probably because they want a girl- I hadn't thought this but perhaps this is it. The way they went on you'd think that having a girl is the end of the world!

OP posts:
Original poster
temporarilycross · 15/08/2017 18:23

Oh and no on this topic I certainly do not value their opinion. I find gender stereotyping loathesome and outdated

OP posts:
LoniceraJaponica · 15/08/2017 18:26

I only have one daughter

Girls are stroppy - Boys can be as well
Girls are high maintenance - so can boys
Girls 'talk about pink stuff' and they couldn't bare this because they like their rough and tumble boys - nonsense
Girls are bitchy teens - Sadly, I have found this to be true
Girls want to play dollies and princesses - DD never wanted to do this

They are just jealous.

MumsOnCrack · 15/08/2017 18:28

They just want a girl

Lules · 15/08/2017 18:32

Yes it's stupid stereotyping but people say stupid things the other way round too. I have a boy and am pregnant with another one and 2 people, one a stranger, have told me 'oh well, at least he's healthy' when Im not disappointed at all.

Starlighter · 15/08/2017 18:39

Sounds like your friends are jealous!

I've got one of each and I've had this before. From one of the school mums of 3 boys, she constantly goes on about how she's lucky she didn't have a girl, she's not girly (she is!) girls are hard work, etc. From a mum of 2 girls saying my dd will miss not having a sister, etc. You can't win. Someone will always have an opinion no matter what you do.

Neutrogena · 15/08/2017 18:44

Ignore them OP. Don't moan on the internet.

mctat · 15/08/2017 18:59

Sadly, many people come out with this crap, not just your friends, Op (mil for one - we have a dd Confused).

Sometimes I think it's just like a script regurgitated by people who don't have girls. Im quite sure there's a similar one about boys that comes from elsewhere.

Probably best to smile and nod, though I'd no doubt say something! Perhaps you could tell them how sad it is that they will pass their negative views of women on to their boys. And I really mean that.

SandyDenny · 15/08/2017 19:09

I think you're overthinking tbh and taking it a bit personally. It sounds like they are expressing their opinions rather than making an observation about your child.

I wouldn't mention it, try to forget it and move on. Your DD isn't as they've described so don't take it personally.

I don't agree that they are jealous, anyone's entitled to have a preference for boys or girls, it doesn't mean they want what they haven't got

Fantasist · 15/08/2017 19:48

I wouldn't take it personally.

I'd love a daughter but doesn't mean I value DS any less. He likes pink stuff anyhow but is certainly not a replacement for a DD

I just nod when people say this stupidity though. Haven't the energy to argue with friends over it so laugh internally, nod and ignore.

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