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AIBU?

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Original poster

WWYD? Laptop confiscation..

49 replies

kiwipie · 15/08/2017 14:03

I just need a rant.

This is a bit of an AIBU but also, WWYD?

My partner brought me a laptop, he said I could have the laptop if I did something for him, an insurance claim I said I would help with. I was waiting for my dads help with it as he work in insurance, but was away lots and then sick when I went to visit. I came back and hadn't done it, there isn't really a rush as he's had it lying about for months.
He has now confiscated the laptop, and I'm not allowed to use it.

I feel like I'm being treated like a child, he doesn't think he's being unreasonable.
But I'm fuming at him and feel like it's an over reaction, but would like to leave.
We have a child together so it isn't that easy.

OP posts:
TroelsLovesSquinkies · 15/08/2017 14:20

Definitely rude and treating you like a child.

Original poster
kiwipie · 15/08/2017 14:21

Thanks for replying.

His argument is that it was on the condition I did the paperwork.

What do I do? He thinks he can treat me like this. I won't let him. Do I leave?

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 15/08/2017 14:24

Hmmmmm taking it away does seem a bit petty, but maybe he's frustrated with you saying you would help and then not doing so.

Did you tell him originally you'd need your dads help?

Can you do it without him? Surely an insurance claim isn't that complex / timeconsuming?

How long has he been waiting for you to do it?

endofthelinefinally · 15/08/2017 14:25

He sounds horrible and very controlling.
Who pays the rent/mortgage?
Who pays the bills?
Where would you go?
You need to consider all these questions and possibly seek legal advice.

StupidSlimyGit · 15/08/2017 14:25

It sounds very controlling at worst, treating you like a child at best. Is he like this in other aspects of your life? If not I'd try sit him down and talk to him about exactly how it has made you feel. If he is then yes, I'd leave.

endofthelinefinally · 15/08/2017 14:27

Oh, and if he has confiscated the laptop he will have to sort out his own claim.
What childish behaviour.

Urubu · 15/08/2017 14:28

You want to leave him over this? Hmm

BadHatter · 15/08/2017 14:29

Sure. Leave. And get your own laptop to show him.

He's being unreasonable in every way.

The only aspect you're being unreasonable in is by being upset at having been denied access to a good that was agreed to be only available to you on condition of you completing a task. Gotta complete that task first.

Original poster
kiwipie · 15/08/2017 14:33

I did, I've never done anything like it before and when he did it it for returned. I said I would do it with my Dad and get it sorted.

I'm a SAHM, so mortgage, bills are sorted by me but paid by him.

Okay, leaving is dramatic bit but I'm so cross.

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 15/08/2017 14:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Questioningeverything · 15/08/2017 14:37

But you realise it's HIS house? Because you're not married, being a sahm means you're sacrificing your career to raise your children with zero gain if you were to leave, financially speaking?

I think there's more going on here than just the laptop

Original poster
kiwipie · 15/08/2017 14:37

Nothing, that's it.

I don't have the confidence to do it on my own, my dad does it for a living, it made sense to get his advice?

OP posts:
Original poster
kiwipie · 15/08/2017 14:38

Well, it's our house. We brought it when we were together and my name is on it.

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 15/08/2017 14:55

Sorry, your partner bought you a laptop but would only give it to you on condition that you did some insurance thing for him - and when you were unable to do it, he took it off you again??

How old are you, 10? That is EXACTLY how he is treating you. This is not healthy. Are there other examples of this in your relationship?

Original poster
kiwipie · 15/08/2017 14:57

Not that I can think of, this one stands out. But I'm worried they have been other that I haven't seen? If that makes sense.

OP posts:
Parker231 · 15/08/2017 14:58

He sounds very controlling. I'd tell him to grow up and leave off your laptop. You're an adult not a child so it's up to you to let him know his behavior is not acceptable.

BorisTrumpsHair · 15/08/2017 14:58

You feel like you are being treated like a child, because your P is treating you like you are a child.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 15/08/2017 15:05

It does make sense - if he's been doing it more subtly for a while, you may have been conditioned to accept it so it won't be so obvious.

Do you have your own bank account/ money? or does he control all of that? I know you've said you're named on the house, and that you sort the bills, but do you have access to cash? If he pays for everything, what do you actually have to do to "sort the bills" - just work out how much is owed and tell him so he can pay it?

NewJourney · 15/08/2017 15:10

You are both being unreasonable. He is being ridiculous treating you like a child but you agreed to the terms when you took the laptop and then chose not to do it, which is something a child would do. The relationship sounds really unhealthy!

You don't need to have lots of insurance experience to fill them in, it probably wouldn't take either of you particularly long to fill out. Unless you are trying to cheat the insurance company your dad doesn't need to give his advice, just answer the questions honestly.

If it has been lying around for months it is likely to be urgent now, there can be time limits on claims.

Original poster
kiwipie · 15/08/2017 15:11

I have my own bank account, whenever I need money I ask and he will transfer me some, give me cash or leave his card.

With bills, he just leaves me his card and I pay straight from there.

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 15/08/2017 15:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NerrSnerr · 15/08/2017 15:16

It does sound very childish. Personally I'd just fill out the insurance forms and not wait for your dad and just get it sorted.

TrojanWhore · 15/08/2017 15:17

"We brought it when we were together"

So you are no longer together?

19lottie82 · 15/08/2017 15:18

it's bought not brought
(Sorry not sorry!)

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 15/08/2017 15:19

The OP has said that her DP had already filled it in once and it got returned, so it doesn't seem to be as straightforward as some claims might be.

And if she's waiting for her father to get well so he can help, then it's not really her "refusing to do it", is it.

It sounds like he doesn't really want you to have the laptop anyway, Kiwi - I can't imagine how he thinks he's being reasonable in any way, to be honest.

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