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AIBU?

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Original poster

WWYD? Laptop confiscation..

49 replies

kiwipie · 15/08/2017 14:03

I just need a rant.

This is a bit of an AIBU but also, WWYD?

My partner brought me a laptop, he said I could have the laptop if I did something for him, an insurance claim I said I would help with. I was waiting for my dads help with it as he work in insurance, but was away lots and then sick when I went to visit. I came back and hadn't done it, there isn't really a rush as he's had it lying about for months.
He has now confiscated the laptop, and I'm not allowed to use it.

I feel like I'm being treated like a child, he doesn't think he's being unreasonable.
But I'm fuming at him and feel like it's an over reaction, but would like to leave.
We have a child together so it isn't that easy.

OP posts:
simon50 · 15/08/2017 15:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Jeeperszz · 15/08/2017 15:26

simon instead of troll hunting you should report to mnhq if you think the op isn't genuine.

NannyRed · 15/08/2017 15:33

I'd tell him to shove the laptop where the sun don't shine! I'd also refuse to do the paperwork and pretty much anything else 'extra' but then I am known to cut off my nose to spite my face, but if he wants to treat you like a child I'd be inclined to start acting like one just to get the message through to him.

HotelEuphoria · 15/08/2017 15:34

It all seems a bit odd. I do all the paperwork here and just ask DH to sign when it's completed. What do you use for your on-line banking and bill payments etc. now? is this the only laptop in the house?

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 15/08/2017 15:36

You want to leave him over this? Hmm

I would say as he is treating her like a child that it is reasonable to want to leave him but I think there is more to this

Birdsgottafly · 15/08/2017 15:38

OP, is this is icing on the cake after other issues?

minionsrule · 15/08/2017 15:39

What type of claim is it that is so complicated? Can't he just ring the onsurer and ask them to clarify what the problem was with the original submission?
For the future he needs to be able to do this stuff homself, what if your dad wasn't around to help?

minionsrule · 15/08/2017 15:40

insurer

cdtaylornats · 15/08/2017 15:44

I think your both being unreasonable

From his point of view he paid you to do something (with a laptop) - you haven't done it.

Original poster
kiwipie · 15/08/2017 15:46

No. It's an online claim with files to upload and receipts to verify. So it isn't as simple.

I have apps on my phone for bill payments.

Sorry, we are still together. Another poster implied it was only his house, he did not buy it alone and we were together when it happened.

OP posts:
simon50 · 15/08/2017 15:51

I assume OP has sent this from her phone as she doe not have access to a laptop ?

I can only assume the OP has been so mentally abused she can no longer stand up to her DP, otherwise she would tell him where to get off ?

Hope you find the strength to walk away.

Original poster
kiwipie · 15/08/2017 15:57

I'm using my phone.

I did stand upto him, I told him what I thought of him and I'm still fuming at him.

He just fought back and carried on arguing with me.

OP posts:
RhubardGin · 15/08/2017 16:00

it's bought not brought (Sorry not sorry!)

You beat me to it! Grin

But seriously OP this whole situation is ridiculous.

I wouldn't leave my OH but I would let him know that treating you like a child isn't on. Confiscating items in the home when he deems your behaviour "bad" is weird! That's what parents do with toddlers Confused

But I also think two adults should be able to sort out an insurance claim.

Original poster
kiwipie · 15/08/2017 16:16

Thanks all, I shall have a chat with him tonight.

OP posts:
PollyFlint · 15/08/2017 16:22

The detail of what the insurance claim was and why you could/couldn't complete are totally irrelevant.

The relevant thing here is that your partner is treating you like a small child. Bribing you to do things with the promise of gifts and then confiscating said gift because for whatever reason you couldn't do them is just plain weird in a relationship between two adults.

'You can have a treat for doing this chore' and 'I'm taking away your toys because you were naughty' is how you get a five-year-old to behave themselves, not how you act towards someone you're having a relationship with.

KimmySchmidt1 · 15/08/2017 16:27
  1. stop taking gifts from him if you dont like the strings that are attached - you are giving him the power to behave like this.
  1. if you say you are going to do something for someone, do it. And don't be surprised if you don't do it and they are pissed off.
  1. His perspective is that you said you would do this, and he cannot get you to do it. the laptop is his leverage. that is often how men think because it is what motivates them.
  1. i don't think this sounds like something to leave a child fatherless over. You need to make some changes in the relationship by not accepting gifts from him, and also do the damn paperwork!
Booboobooboo84 · 15/08/2017 16:29

Why can't you just file the claim? Is it fraudulent is that why your reluctant to do so?

BannedFromNarnia · 15/08/2017 17:01

You want to leave him over this? Hmm

If my husband confiscated one of my belongings like I was a naughty teenager I'd seriously be considering it. It's no way to treat a grown adult who is supposed to be your partner.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 15/08/2017 19:45

I don't understand why two adults can't process an insurance claim without the involvement of a third adult. Have either of you got special needs? How ill is your dad? Surely he just has to talk you through it?

LoyaltyAndLobster · 15/08/2017 19:51

Both of you are in the wrong.

BorisTrumpsHair · 15/08/2017 19:53

Oh for goodness sake, splitting from an idiotic P does not make children fatherless. That is death. Death makes children fatherless. Leaving a relationship does not.

Aeviternity · 15/08/2017 20:33

He's testing the water. Now he's with-holding a laptop as punishment and is seeing how you'll react. You will back down (because if you stand up to him he'll tell you it's all your fault, and if you leave you'll be 'crazy' and 'overdramatic' and 'I'll tell everyone you're a psycho' and 'I'll get full custody 'cause you're a shit mother breaking our family apart over a laptop' - there's a script, no surprises. So, you'll back down and the next thing he'll withhold will be bigger and better. Money. Food. Your keys.

It is not how you treat an equal partner.

True partners do not give gifts with strings attached and remove them when those strings are not fulfilled. That isn't remotely healthy. I really doubt the posters here have DHs who give gifts in exchange for sex and chores then withdraw them is the sex and chores are not up scratch. And they'd be pretty pissed if they had.

Nuttynoo · 15/08/2017 20:46

Ok so this is what you do. You stop doing his laundary, stop cooking his meals, and stop doing anything else for him. If he's going to treat you like crap then return the favour.

RafikiIsTheBest · 17/08/2017 13:47

I'm confused about this. I could understand it more if it was a case of "if you sort out this insurance claim for me then we can use the money to buy you that new laptop you wanted" therefore no insurance money = no money to buy new laptop. But it seems that he has already bought the new laptop, and has given it to you and now taken it away???
Where is the laptop, can you not just take it back and tell him you will sort the claim with your dad as soon as he is well enough to help?

This does seem really odd, but I think if I said to my partner I'd make him a tea whilst he filled in a form for me but then he sat on his arse and did nothing I'd be annoyed and be tempted to feed his dinner to the dog. But it would be a petty response and really I'd expect him to eat his dinner and then complete the form. If he still didn't then I would really be pissed off. I can sort of see how it could get out of hand...
Plenty of posters on here have in the past said how if their partner doesn't do x, y or z then they won't wash their clothes, make them meal or what ever else. I'm not sure that this is much different. Yes the claim was his to begin with but if paperwork and bills etc usually falls to OP this isn't much different is it?

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