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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset at ds' hair being cut short when with ex

50 replies

theduchessstill · 14/08/2017 22:21

He didn't go behind my back - I asked him to get it done as I'm sick of being the only one to ever do anything resembling a chore with them.

DS1 had thick, wavy reddish brown hair - not really long, but wavy and longish at the front/top.

Ds2 had blond hair that curled at the back - about chin length.

Neither ever had shavers used - just scissor cuts. Both liked their hair. Ex took them to a barber and says he asked for just a trim. Both have come back with very short hair that has been shaved at the back - apparently the barber said 'number 6', but if this is '6' fuck knows what 1-5 are. Never cut their hair by number before. Ex 'didn't realise before it was too late. Hmm

It just doesn't look like them. Very basic very short cuts. Neither likes it - ds1 came in with the hood up on his jacket on what is quite a sunny day. I have said how lovely they look/more grown up etc etc but AIBU to be upset now they're in bed? And will ds2's curls grow back?

OP posts:
saoirse31 · 14/08/2017 22:29

Tbh I think generally short hair cuts r lovely on boys, that's irrelevant tho!

But really, he got their hair cut, which you asked him to do_and hair will grow again.

Fwiw I think what you said to them was great.

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 14/08/2017 22:31

Short back and sides look much nicer.

It'll grow back.

namechanger2735 · 14/08/2017 22:35

I don't think it's about what others think looks nicer. I would be very upset at this, but it's done. Lesson learnt, if you want something doing right do it yourself. Maybe ask him to help out with something that isn't so important next time

WaaWaaWaaa · 14/08/2017 22:37

Crikey! It's not like he did it on purpose. Lesson learned and all they
It will grow back

BettyFrillyKnickers · 14/08/2017 22:39

I get it OP. They don't look like them any more do they. It was too drastic and you had no control over it. I would be exactly the same except I don't think I could have hidden my shock and disapproval so well!

Tbf you should have given XH more specific instructions. It will grow again. And you will be used to it even sooner. At least he didn't get a no.1 all over!

Gileswithachainsaw · 14/08/2017 22:40

Where the he'll was he that in what is usually a fairly small premesis two kids got their heads shaved without him realising Hmm

He asked for it I bet you

dementedpixie · 14/08/2017 22:42

My ds would have cried if this had happened to his hair. It's bad enough getting him to have a trim but it's his hair and he has to live with it

PollyFlint · 14/08/2017 22:44

You asked him to get their hair cut and he did. It's not the end of the world that the style isn't to your taste.

I know that some parents get a bit upset at little boys' first 'short back and sides' haircut because it makes them look older/different etc. But really, it's only hair; it'll grow back in a matter of weeks and your youngest will get his curls back. They're still your beautiful boys.

If you're that bothered about their hairstyles, take them to get it cut yourself and find some other chore for ex to do with them instead, like taking them to their dental appointments or something.

Gileswithachainsaw · 14/08/2017 22:45

So if both were done at same time by 2 different barbours what syrebthe chances both "got it wrong" ?

And if the sake barber did it why didn't he say something when the first kid cane back with something he didn't ask for rather than let him repeat the mistake?

Really doesn't add up

Hygge · 14/08/2017 22:48

DH had DS's hair cut last summer, ready for going back to school.

He looked like he was going to prison or joining the marines.

It grew back.

To be fair to DH, when I go with DS to get his hair cut I ask them not to cut the front so it's halfway up his forehead. It's 50/50 that they listen to me and I'm sitting right there watching. Some of them are a bit quick with the scissors all the same.

stella23 · 14/08/2017 22:49

Oh honestly I always really struggle with Boys hair it they always come out looking like home hair cuts particularly one of them.

And that's when I'm sat watching. No clippers as well.

londonista · 14/08/2017 22:50

Well done for being a good Mum and suppressing your inner WTAF by telling them they look lovely.

I don't think you can complain tbh - he got their hair cut like you asked, he's their dad etc.

Reminds me of the time I sent my husband off to get passport pic for the 7 year old. What he came back with was horrendous, slicked up hair, weird stare - totally Village of the Damned. No time to re-do ... 5 years we're stuck with it.

I really hope his curls grow back too - I am always scared when I cut my baby boy's curls they'll disappear. Thankfully not yet!

Sukitakeitoff · 14/08/2017 22:50

Your ex clearly did this on purpose. Probably so you wouldn't ask him to do anything again.

How old are they? Keep being positive in front of them - they'll get over it Flowers

stella23 · 14/08/2017 22:50

And they seem to always sweep it to the side to disguise what a bad job they have done

crispsahoy · 14/08/2017 22:51

This happened with my ds when he was about 3. I asked ex to get his hair trimmed, he had longish hair.
He sent me a message saying ds wouldn't sit still so they had to keep going shorter. I then got a picture of him with short back & sides. They had used the clippers!! I sat and cried!! He just didn't look like my boy!!
Ds hated, would wear hats all the time even though previously I had to fight him to wear one.

I tried leaving it to grow back but it grew with more curls than before so it didn't sit well.
He's 9 now and has a military style cut, but he's still very wary of clippers!!

waitforitfdear · 14/08/2017 22:54

Wait until they can choose themselves op. Mine have had wierd and wonderful cuts and dyes. It grows out don't worry.

Most baby curls do go unfortunatly anyway with age. Keep positive in front of them and we'll done for suppressing your feelings

Tiptoethr0ughthetulips · 14/08/2017 22:55

It'll grow. I personally prefer my DS to have short manageable hair, it curls naturally and looks untidy at times if not kept on top of.

heidiwine · 14/08/2017 22:56

You asked your ex, he did it. You don't like it. It'll grow back.

Original poster
theduchessstill · 14/08/2017 22:56

He probably did do it on purpose, but I won't say anything.

DS2 is 8 - does that count as baby curls? I'll be sad if they never grow back...

OP posts:
Mumof56 · 14/08/2017 23:36

It's hair, it'll grow back. And an 8 year old is not a baby.

londonista · 14/08/2017 23:48

Mumof56 ... eh? Pretty sure OP was joking in reference to a few posters talking about their experience cutting their own babies' curls.

BoneyBackJefferson · 14/08/2017 23:55

He probably asked them for something trendy (or whatever the current term is).

short neck and sides seems to be very in at the moment the top cut varies from short to flop over.

IME barbers often just do what they like.

Speakingmymind · 15/08/2017 00:06

How awful. I can't stand short haircuts on boys, they can look like thugs

elevenclips · 15/08/2017 00:12

Well hard to say. Perhaps he thought if he got it done really short like this, it'd be ages before they'd need another haircut. Perhaps he didn't like their hair styles and took the opportunity to change them. It's sounds highly dubious that this was some kind of misunderstanding though.

Maddiemademe · 15/08/2017 06:23

When I was in hospital in scbu with my daughter, my ex looked after my 3 year old ds for a day to give my mum a break (a whole other story of his useless parenting). My ds had beautiful curls all over his head and my ex was constantly making comments about how he looked like a girl. I agreed I would have it cut before he started school so thought I had some time left to enjoy his lovely hair.

Anyway, when my ex dropped him back to the hospital I didn't even recognise him. He had shaved the whole lot off with clippers. I was already suffering terrible PND and was scared for my dd who was very poorly. I couldn't even manage to stutter any words out. He didn't even keep one of the curls for me to put in his memory book. The hair lost its curl after that and even now, 2 years later, it's just another reminder of what an asshole he is.

I think hair, particularly for a mother can be a touchy subject. Yes boys do like nice with short cuts but why do they have to cut off any length? Why is longer hair so wrong on boys in many people's eyes? I would be dubious that the hairdresser misunderstood the sort of cut he was asking for in all honesty.

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