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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset at ds' hair being cut short when with ex

50 replies

theduchessstill · 14/08/2017 22:21

He didn't go behind my back - I asked him to get it done as I'm sick of being the only one to ever do anything resembling a chore with them.

DS1 had thick, wavy reddish brown hair - not really long, but wavy and longish at the front/top.

Ds2 had blond hair that curled at the back - about chin length.

Neither ever had shavers used - just scissor cuts. Both liked their hair. Ex took them to a barber and says he asked for just a trim. Both have come back with very short hair that has been shaved at the back - apparently the barber said 'number 6', but if this is '6' fuck knows what 1-5 are. Never cut their hair by number before. Ex 'didn't realise before it was too late. Hmm

It just doesn't look like them. Very basic very short cuts. Neither likes it - ds1 came in with the hood up on his jacket on what is quite a sunny day. I have said how lovely they look/more grown up etc etc but AIBU to be upset now they're in bed? And will ds2's curls grow back?

OP posts:
Onetedisbackinbed · 15/08/2017 07:35

Why is everyone thinking he did it on purpose? I've inflicted some shocking haircuts on my ds before I understood what to ask for and where to go. Let this one go without comment or he'll keep leaving you all the chores

kittybiscuits · 15/08/2017 07:40

I would say he did it on purpose so you won't try and get him to shoulder any responsibility in future, but you probably know this already.

HurryUpAndWait · 15/08/2017 07:41

I felt sad when my children had their first haircut but honestly, he did them a favour.

Brittbugs80 · 15/08/2017 07:57

My ex cut my child's hair after my 3 year specified he didn't want it cut. It was just below his shoulders. He cut it with scissors to midway on his ears and it looked fucking awful. Worst part, he clamped my son's arms to his side, put him in between his legs to keep him still and cut his hair.

I still feel rage now, especially when I remember collecting him a couple of hours later and he was shaking, face all red and blotchy and I found marks on his arms from being squashed in-between his legs.

He is now 9 and has had one hair cut in 6 years because he is too upset by it. His hair grew to waist length and was cut to just above shoulders and he donated his hair to the Princess Trust.

When he had that cut, the hairdresser had to stop because he was shaking that much.

You are not being unreasonable to be angry but it will grow back and in a few weeks they will look like they have always had that cut.

I also get annoyed with the whole boys should have short hair and look better with short hair mentality. You would be flames if you disagreed and said shaved heads make them look like thugs/chavs/whatever other offensive word you choose to use.

worridmum · 15/08/2017 08:08

The whole thing about boy/girl hair styles are wrong. Why cant boys have long hair and young girls pixie cuts or short back and sides etc

DarkerWeb · 15/08/2017 08:17

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dementedpixie · 15/08/2017 08:24

My ds says he doesn't care if he has girly hair as he likes his floppy style. Nothing wrong with a pixie cut either and the vegan comment is just stupid

DarkerWeb · 15/08/2017 08:29

Demented

His own opinion or is he repeating you saying that his "girly hair" looks good?

Starlight2345 · 15/08/2017 08:33

I don't see your complaint here.

You asked him to get his hair cut..He did..Not how you would of done it.. Thats what happens when you ask somone else to do it.

dementedpixie · 15/08/2017 08:34

No, he had been nagged to get it cut actually but would only get a trim. He had been upset in the past when it was cut too short for his liking. He is 10 and knows what style he wants (not short!)

corythatwas · 15/08/2017 08:43

What does the 8yo think? Surely he gets a say?

Why is there an assumption that it is the father's responsibility to ensure that the boy's haircut meets the mother's aesthetic preferences?

And what happens the day the boy himself decides that he doesn't want to go on looking "like him" any longer because the "him" his mum had in mind is a "him" he has outgrown?

For the record, I don't like very short haircuts either, I also do not like beards or side whiskers or very, very long hair on boys unless neatly kept. My son (now a teenager) has had them all, because he's not a museum piece to be kept in pristine condition for his mother's viewing but a changing and growing person who needs time to find his own style.

Original poster
theduchessstill · 15/08/2017 09:37

Because worriedMum, women with pixie cuts look like they're vegan (or worse) and boys with long hair look like girls.

This can't be serious??!

Corythatwas I've said quite clearly that both boys liked their hair as it was and neither like their new cuts - though they're both fine this morning and no one's making a big deal of it. Why jump to the conclusion that I'm forcing them into a certain style when it's their dad and not me who has forced them into a cut they're not keen on. Also, as I said, neither had particularly long hair - it just wasn't shaved/cut into the neck. Ds1 described it as 'shaggy' - it had a lot of texture and movement to it, but, yes, it will grow back.

OP posts:
Popskipiekin · 15/08/2017 09:43

I'm not sure your ex did it on purpose. I took DS 2.10 to barbers and was very watchful, sat right by him. Chap took some off, showed me the length, I said it was great. But the barber kept tidying and tidying and tidying until it was several degrees shorter than agreed. DS looked fab actually but not remotely like himself. I did want my sweet baby back rather than a military teenage-lookalike. DH was a bit Shock and my mum hates it. At least we/you won't have to take them again for a while!

PandorasXbox · 15/08/2017 09:47

OP why do think exH did it in purpose?

noeffingidea · 15/08/2017 09:52

women with pixie cuts look like they're vegan (or worse) and boys with long hair look like girls
WTAF?

Sistersofmercy101 · 15/08/2017 10:00

Let's switch this out shall we... What if OP had asked ex to get the DC cut and they'd come back shaved headed... And the DC were girls?
I bet the responses would be different then! Why is long hair on boys unacceptable? I think it looks lovely! But the point is that the DCs are unhappy THATS why ex has acted wrongly! Fwiw I think he may have done it on purpose so that he's never trusted/asked to sort it again!

PandorasXbox · 15/08/2017 10:03

I'm just puzzled that the OP asked her ex to get their haircut. She says she thinks he did it on purpose so there must be a reason to think this.

BlondeB83 · 15/08/2017 10:03

Hair grows.

Mustang27 · 15/08/2017 10:33

My wee boy is blonde with chin length hair and curls I'd be absolutely devastated. I really hope ds2 curls grow back. Don't trust anyone to take them for a haircut again. Nothing can be done now Sad

Darkerweb are you high?? What a ridiculous thing to say.

kittybiscuits · 15/08/2017 11:43

I would ignore WankerNob DarkerWeb. It is all over threads on MN this morning posting quite frankly poor-quality goady fucker posts.

Brittbugs80 · 15/08/2017 14:49

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MrsOverTheRoad · 15/08/2017 14:51

The curls will return. My DD is 9 and she had curls as a baby and curls at 8. Not very curly...just the ends curl.

Allthewaves · 15/08/2017 15:12

A 6 is still going to be short - mine have a 6 on top, 4 on the sides.

It's hair, it will grow.

I made mistake of getting them a 4 on the top and 2 on the side the first time I took them.

BoneyBackJefferson · 15/08/2017 19:44

Sistersofmercy101

What if OP had asked ex to get the DC cut and they'd come back shaved headed... And the DC were girls?

A better analogy would be if they came back with a traditional cut for girls that the OP didn't like

AlmostAJillSandwich · 15/08/2017 19:58

You say ex said it was an accident and didnt notice til too late. Maybe so as not to upset whoever went first he then conitted both to the same cut so not to upset one further

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