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AIBU?

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Original poster

To return my new adopted cat to the shelter

46 replies

allgodscreatures · 14/08/2017 20:30

I adopted a beautiful cat last week.

My other cat is used to cats, I have always had more than one, but he has seemingly been terrified of the new cat on first sight.

It's more than a bit of hissing. He will hardly come in at all. When he does he growls and hisses ALL the time. He is clearly terrified.

I feel awful as my old cat is unhappy and my new cat must be confused.

Should I return him? Sad

OP posts:
MyBeloved · 14/08/2017 20:31

Have you tried Feliway?

Kenworthington · 14/08/2017 20:33

Hmm. It's a horrible situation but one I was in just a month ago. My cat did NOT take to the new kitten at all. Whenever I could get them together he would attavk him and it got worse and worse. When he wasn't attacking him he was just off. We dust swenhim for a week. He was furious and sad. So we took the kitten back to the shelter. It was so sad but it was the right thing to do. The kitten I see has now been rehomed again but I still come across photos of him and feel a bit teary. He was such a sweetie

AllToadsLeadToHome · 14/08/2017 20:34

It sounds as if you just put them both together without doing any gradual introduction.

Put new kitty into a room with all comforts and start again, slowly. You can find out about it on Google, lots of tips, or join Pet Forums, the cat section. Or on here, the Litter Tray

cushioncovers · 14/08/2017 20:34

There is a topic called 'the litter tray' you will probably get more advice there op.

Orangebird69 · 14/08/2017 20:35

A week? Can't you try a bit longer? Have you tried Feliway? Cat nip? Do you have separate litter trays for them?

dollydaydream114 · 14/08/2017 20:35

It can take them a few weeks to get used to each other, can't it? I'd give it a bit longer and maybe ask the shelter for advice. They must come across this issue all the time.

Original poster
allgodscreatures · 14/08/2017 20:35

I'm picking some up tomorrow Beloved, but I hope it works magic as I have such a stressed out cat.

I feel like my first duty is to my first cat if you like but the adopted one is a darling. But then I think - surely its better for him to go to a home where he can be loved without being growled and spat at every time he moves?

OP posts:
Ellieboolou27 · 14/08/2017 20:39

A week is nothing! How long have you had your other cat for? Totally unreasonable to expect your cat to adjust in a week. A month or two at the very least.

MrsHathaway · 14/08/2017 20:40

I've seen a recommendation to stroke one then the other and so on, so their respective scents transfer and the new cat's smell will be familiar and therefore unthreatening. Maybe swap blankets a lot.

Do please persevere. But if you decide you can't keep him, do go back to the rescue rather than trying to rehome him yourself.

icelollycraving · 14/08/2017 20:40

You need to introduce them gradually.
Feliway,separate bowls, litter to as etc. Lots of attention for both but separately so the other doesn't get jealous.
The cat litter section are wonderful cat lovers who are v v knowledgeable. They will give good advice on how to integrate them. They probably will not approve too much of you rushing one cat back after a week so be prepared for that.

dun1urkin · 14/08/2017 20:40

A week is a really short time. Not enough time to have done a proper, controlled introduction IMO
Ask the shelter for advice on this, I'm very surprised they haven't given you strict instructions already TBH

madamedesevigne · 14/08/2017 20:42

They will settle down but they need more time - a week is hardly any time at all when it comes to cats. Try to keep new cat confined for the time being and get some Feliway on the go. I've had this when introducing my two cats to my flatmate's cat - all of them unrelated and adults. It took a while but they will all sleep on the same bed now.

Original poster
allgodscreatures · 14/08/2017 20:46

Thank you Smile

Dun, they did give me advice and I have followed it. The problem is that my home is quite open. I have a tiny kitchen then a lounge/dining area knocked into one and then the stairs are in the same room as the lounge/dining area.

So the only way to keep them apart is lock one cat in a bedroom and I plonked rescue cat in there initially but he yowled and yowled and cat1 yowled back and he clawed at the carpet as well!

OP posts:
AnnieAnoniMouse · 14/08/2017 20:50

Oh. What a difficult decision 😖😟

I wouldn't 'get' a second cat when I already had one, but my second adopted us, as did my first. (Weirdly from different people but the same house!).

The first one was pissed off, but I figured he (the second) needed a home as much as she (the first) did. So he was allowed to stay, but he wasn't allowed on our bed whereas she was.

They learned to tolerate each other & had the odd snuggle when no one was watching

But I think I might have felt differently if I'd actually gone out to get another cat, itvduesnt seem fair on number one.

ElizabethShaw · 14/08/2017 20:53

Cats don't like living with other cats, so it seems an odd decision to get a second one?

Lana1234 · 14/08/2017 20:53

Took about a month for my two to settle with each other and I did the gradual approach. They have little play scraps from time to time but they get on really well now. Hope it works out for you Smile

caffeinestream · 14/08/2017 20:54

You need to introduce slowly - give both cats their own space (rescue should have a tiny space, original cat should have the rest of the house as it's his home).

Slowly introduce them so they can see/smell each other but can't get to each other to attack. Hissing/growling is normal especially if there both male - they're marking territory/asserting dominance.

They shouldn't be around each other properly for at least a couple of weeks - new cat needs time to settle with new humans/new smells/new home/food, and old cat needs time to get used to a new animal in his territory.

Please consider giving it more time.

Greyhorses · 14/08/2017 21:04

The vast majority of cats hate living with other cats sadly.

Stress can cause lots of health and behavioural problems in cats also so if it were me I would be tempted to give it another week then return the cat as awful as that is. We had two that didn't get on and the first suffered constantly with overgrooming, inappropriate weeing and cystitis which all stopped when we rehomed the other cat Hmm

I have had two that lived together successfully but I would say they learned to tolerate rather than like eachother.

Original poster
allgodscreatures · 14/08/2017 21:04

I've always had more than one, Elizabeth

I will caffeine, I really don't want to give him up!

OP posts:
BeepBeepMOVE · 14/08/2017 21:13

I think after a week they shouldn't be left alone together - that is far too sudden.

By default cats don't actually like other cats, they are naturally solitary animals so it can be a very slow process.

MrsHathaway · 14/08/2017 21:18

Our two are litter mates so have never been separated. But they still spend most of every day apart.

Occasionally they snuggle up together but not often.

Ta1kinPeece · 14/08/2017 21:21

I adopted two cat from a shelter
for a year
the ladies from there kept telling me it would work out and suggesting feliway and all sorts.

while having the boosters done my vet said "they hate each other, separate them"
which I did the following day - I took one back
and both were happier within an hour
(the one I took back was rapidly rehomed - the one I kept is lovely now)

caffeinestream · 14/08/2017 21:22

We introduced a kitten (6 months) and a 2 year old cat recently - it wasn't easy! The 2 year old was a surprise addition we rescued - he really struggled to settle at first. He hissed at everyone, growled and bit the kitten, hated human contact and spent most of his time hiding under a chair.

This is them eight months down the line! Most cats will learn to tolerate each other if they're introduced properly and each can access their own space if necessary.

To return my new adopted cat to the shelter
Sosks · 14/08/2017 21:35

I got my 2 cats from different places within 3 weeks of each other, at first they fought like crazy but you do just need to persevere sometimes and take it step by step! A year on my boys are the best of buds now, totally inseparable Smile

melj1213 · 14/08/2017 21:36

YABVVVVVU to adopt a cat without doing research into how to introduce cats, and then to give up after a week because they aren't BFFS yet!

These are my cats in the picture - Luna, the black one is nearly 3 years old and Lily, the black/white one is 1.5 years old. I've had Luna since she was a kitten but when I started doing longer hours at work she started to show signs of being stressed from being left alone for such long periods of time, so the vet suggested getting a second cat.

I got Lily almost a year ago so she was about 6 months old at the time. My house is like yours, living room then kitchen (with stairs up to bedrooms) and downstairs bathroom. Luna's litter tray is in the bathroom so couldn't shut the new cat in there and didn't want to shut either cat just in the lounge, so Lily went in my bedroom when she arrived and stayed there for about a week.

After a few days she was keen to explore the rest of the house and cried to be let out, and Luna was constantly at my bedroom door hissing and yowling, but I kept them apart 100% for a week and had Feliways plugged in from the start. In the second week, I left the door open and let them see each other but only if I was there to supervise, just for short bursts and if I ever went out, even if it was just to put the bins out, I put Lily into the bedroom. Then after a while we progressed to the door being open and letting them sniff each other out and bringing Lily down to the living room if I was sitting there but she could have free reign of the house except if I was going out for extended periods (eg to work)when Lily would still be confined to the bedroom. During all of this there was hissing/growling/yowling/a bit of fighting and some power struggles from both of them but after a while they lessened as they got used to each other.

Once they were both chilled with each other they were both given free reign of the house 24/7. The entire process from bringing Lily home to them being BFFs took about a month/6weeks, but this was something I was aware of before I got my second cat and I knew I was going to have to put the work in, in the early days.

To return my new adopted cat to the shelter