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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To return my new adopted cat to the shelter

46 replies

allgodscreatures · 14/08/2017 20:30

I adopted a beautiful cat last week.

My other cat is used to cats, I have always had more than one, but he has seemingly been terrified of the new cat on first sight.

It's more than a bit of hissing. He will hardly come in at all. When he does he growls and hisses ALL the time. He is clearly terrified.

I feel awful as my old cat is unhappy and my new cat must be confused.

Should I return him?

OP posts:

melj1213 · 14/08/2017 21:41

Cats don't like living with other cats, so it seems an odd decision to get a second one?

Not all cats are the same - mine was happy to be a lone house cat until I started to do longer hours at work and some days she would be home alone for 12+ hours and as soon as DD or I came into the house she would become our shadow and wouldn't leave us alone and she started to show signs of stress.

When I went to the vet she was the one who suggested she might actually be lonely and to get a second cat. Now they are inseparable - one of them had to go to the vets overnight and the other was wandering the house the entire time looking for her and would cry all the time, as soon as the other cat came back she was all over her, grooming her and nuzzling up because she had missed her.

Ta1kinPeece · 14/08/2017 21:45

After taking one cat back we left the other on her own till we knew she was lonely and then acquired a kitten when she was three
they are best mates and have been for many years

Tootsiepops · 14/08/2017 21:50

I've just adopted a cat from a shelter. We already have a cat. The rescue centre said it's best to introduce the cats straight away and let them sort themselves out. Have to admit that I was surprised as I assumed it would be a soft and gradual introduction over many days.

We're now on day 4 and have had a little hissing, but no major incidents. Touch wood.

Vinorosso74 · 14/08/2017 22:04

Cats are well cats. Contact the place you got him from for advise?

StumpyScot92 · 14/08/2017 22:29

My mum fosters cats for rescue (I tried but failed and ended up adopting my fosters so now I just transport and do homechecks haha) and she has two cats of her own.

One cat is super easy going and takes to it like a duck to water, the other not so much. She hisses and growls etc too so we use feliway, extra litter trays and give her lots of playtime for the first few weeks then she settles down and doesn't care. It takes her usually 3 weeks for this process, the fosters we take on are long term ones usually with health issues so she only goes through this process once maaaaybe twice a year until they get forever homes.

I really would try more than a week if you can

Pigglesworth · 15/08/2017 05:42

caffeinestream and melj1213 give good advice. In my experience it takes 4-6 weeks to gradually introduce a new cat to a resident cat, and much longer for them to potentially become friends, but it's worth it! We have always expected this when buying a new cat so have never considered taking the new cat back and it has always worked out. The new cat gets the smaller space to start with - it'll be much bigger/calmer than the shelter space they had. It's possibly helped us that there's always been someone available to spend quite a bit of time with that cat to keep them company. Initially they may just wish to hide away until they get comfortable which may take 2 weeks. And in the end my cats have always been very loving and well-adjusted.

Booboostwo · 15/08/2017 06:10

As above, it takes a long while to introduce a new cat. Keep the new cat in the bedroom, use feliway for both cats, put up with carpet scratching that's what cats do. In a week move a blanket from the new cat's room to the rest of the house, and a blanket from the old cat to the bedroom. Then use a sock to stroke the new cat and let old cat sniff it, and vice versa. Feed the cats at the same time. In 3-4 weeks allow the cats to see each other, preferably when they are both eating.

Pigglesworth · 15/08/2017 06:19

I should add it took 9 months for my current "duo" to become even vaguely friends - they've now been living together for 2 years - but they are good pals now and sit next to each other/hang out together the way the other pictured cats do. 😊

ExpatMrs · 15/08/2017 06:21

It took my 1st cat about a month to accept the 2nd cat we rescued, both males which apparently doesn't help, and Cat1 was determined to remain 'top cat'. They're very territorial creatures.
That was over three years ago now and whilst still have the odd swipe at each other (I think of them like siblings who argue from time to time), they're perfectly settled and can often be found cuddling up to each other.
I think it just needs a bit more time OP. Good luck

SweetieDarling11 · 15/08/2017 06:25

Get a cheap stair gate and keep them separate with one upstairs with a litter tray/water/food for a while or at least when you're out of the house?

yellowsun · 15/08/2017 06:36

My parents seem to rescue all the waifs and strays in their neighbourhood. They had rescued a female cat and a few years later, a male cat. The male cat needed surgery and was in a cage then one room for a while.

The original female cat never accepted him. They ended with her living upstairs (and making a run for the door when she wanted out) and him downstairs.

The female cat died a few months ago but the male still won't go upstairs! (She used to chase him down!)

PeachesandPie · 15/08/2017 06:44

Please give it more time! We introduced a kitten to our 4 year old cat very gradually, didnt let them even see each other for over a week and didn't leave them alone together for the first 3 months. Do some research, keep them separated, let them get used to each other's scent when not in the same room etc. 2 years on my two are great friends, curl up together and groom each other so it can be done. Good luck!

simon50 · 15/08/2017 07:11

Sometimes you have to accept you have made a mistake.

After we lost our much loved cat, we decided to take on a rescue dog.
We ended up taking on a pair that had grown up together, a Yorkie and a Jack. All went well for the first week or so (apart from the Yorkie not liking me going to work and would hang on to my trouser leg to try and stop me from going out the front door!). Then we had someone visit (my x wife) the Yorkie sat beside her on the sofa and was enjoying having a fuss made of him, but when she got up to take a coffee cup out to the kitchen he snapped at her for no reason.

At the same time the Jack started to 'adopt' things around the house, I got up on morning to find the mitt that we used for the wood burner on the floor, I went to pick it up and the Jack went for me. after that he had dropped a rubber bone in front of the bathroom door and then would not allow my DP past him to get to the bathroom ! The last straw was one evening he was sat on my lap while watching TV and for no reason turned around and bared his teeth two inches from my face. After that we we returned him to the rescue centre as he was to unpredictable.
My DP kept an eye on the rescue centres website and the poor old Jack would be on the site for a week or so then disappear then reappear some days latter.

We tried to work with the Yorkie for around 8 months, had to muzzle him when we took him out, as he would see someone, wag his tail, (they would think 'what a sweet little dog') but if they went near him he would go for them ! We could not have visitors or answer the door without locking him away first and in the end gave up and returned him as well. Just like the Jack he would be on and off the rescue centres website.
Since then we have two wonderful Yorkie's, a six year old that we have had from a pup and a four year old that was a re-homer that we got when he was one.

Icequeen01 · 15/08/2017 07:22

I've introduced quite a few new cats to resident cats over the years (I've had cats now for nearly 35 years and never had a failure yet) but I do agree with other posters who have said it really depends on the cat. The photo is my last introduction. My black and white girl had been with us for about 10 years when I brought home two 4 month old ginger boys. It took about a month before they were all comfortable with each other but then my resident cat began to mother them and they adored her.

However, we had recently had to have her brother PTS due to illness and he was very cat aggressive, including on occasions his sister who learnt to stay away from him (he was a total sweetheart to humans). I have to put my hand on my heart and say we would have had trouble bringing in another cat if he had still been with us.

Good luck Op, I hope you manage to make this work.

To return my new adopted cat to the shelter

5rivers7hills · 15/08/2017 08:30

I know everyone on the litter tray is an advocate of having a million cats, but I find it is a big risk to introduce another cat into an existing house.

NewJourney · 15/08/2017 13:42

The feliway diffuser is great, put it where the hissy cat spends a lot of their time and you will definitely notice a difference! All the other advice on gentle introductions is spot on, give each cat their own space in the house and they will slowly get used to each other. Some bickering is normal - working out who is boss and leads the gang but once the hierarchy is established things calm down.

I have 4 cats all very different ages (8, 6, 4 and 3) and they all settled in to new arrivals eventually, some take longer than others. I would definitely leave it longer than a week. Our worst transition time was 6 weeks between the 6 and 3 year old but after that they were the bestest of friends and slept cuddled up together.

booellesmum · 15/08/2017 13:54

I have 2 cats from the same litter who are now 14.
4 1/2 years ago we got another cat 4 months old at the time.
1 of my original cats loves him and they go outside together. She was always a very stressed cat and suffered a lot from cystitis and used to spray everywhere in the house- particularly up the curtains. Since we've had our new cat there has been no cystitis and no spraying, she is much happier.
The other original cat hates him (but then she has also decided she hates her sister too). We do occasionally see them together/ lying on the bed together but generally she stays upstairs and just comes down to go outside and hisses at him when she sees him.
I guess it is very individual. Not all people get on - some house shares work out and some don't - it's probably no different for cats.
I hope they settle down and can at least learn to ignore each other, but if they don't it may be kinder to take the kitten back.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 15/08/2017 14:02

No way the cat i grew up with would have ever tolerated another cat! She even saw one walk across the back yard wall shr was at the dining room window going balistic to get at it, clawing hissing and growling, she almost pulled the curtain down!
She was in the kitchen while my mum was hanging out washing, a much younger kitty popped its head under the back gate and my mum invited it in for fusses, cat came hurtling out screeching and attacked it as it ran back under the gate and she followed it out. My mum was feeding and letting in/out a neighbours cat while they went on holiday, cat went mad just smelling other kitten on my mum and gave her the cold shoulder despite normally following her everywhere even to the loo.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 15/08/2017 14:03

I desperately wanted my own kitten and got so upset and angry my parents said no. Looking back now i know it would have been imlossible and resident cat would have killed it

melj1213 · 15/08/2017 15:36

Sometimes you have to accept you have made a mistake.

Yes, that is true - sometimes animals just aren't compatible with each other ... but you have to give them a chance, especially when they aren't showing problematic or unusual behaviour!

The OP has had her new cat for a week, that's no time at all for the new cat to acclimatise to any changes from the shelter and get into a routine, never mind be introduced to the resident cat.

Cats yowling/hissing/fighting is expected behaviour when they are first introduced, even when done "properly". You can't give up on them after only a few days when they are doing something normal.

HeebieJeebies456 · 15/08/2017 16:01

How old is OriginalCat?
Could be that he's at that grumpy age.

i second melj1213 advice.
you can use cardboard boxes or travel crate to introduce them slowly in short bursts.
i cut little holes in the cardboard box so they could go through the motions of fighting for TopCat position without actually hurting each other.

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