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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have my leaving do when I'm actually able to make it.....

34 replies

JulietNeverMetRomeo · 14/08/2017 18:46

So I'm leaving my job for a few reasons and one of them is my boss and their attitude towards me. Myself and another colleague are leaving around the same time and thought it would be a good idea to join up the leaving do, which will be a shared lunch where everyone brings in a dish. My boss discussed this and then sent out an invite saying it's 'Juliet and Colleagues leaving do' in the title but it's on a day that I don't work. I told my boss to remove my name from the invite and they refused saying they would verbally update people on the day to inform them I'm not coming. I'm very close to putting a grievance in against my boss because their behaviour is appalling at times. WWYD?

OP posts:
Coulddowithanap · 14/08/2017 18:53

I'd still go, but then I'm a bit of a pushover who does things to fit in with other people.

Why not speak to your colleagues directly and arrange something else?

Butttons · 14/08/2017 18:54

I would arrange something else

Moanyoldcow · 14/08/2017 18:55

Can you 'reply to all' and say that it's not your leaving do as you don't work that day and say you'll arrange one yourself and let people know when?

araiwa · 14/08/2017 18:55

Why cant you go if its a day off?

Batteriesallgone · 14/08/2017 18:56

Find a better day on mutual agreement with the colleague.

Send your own follow up email - date of leaving do changed, hope you can all still make it.

QueenMortificado · 14/08/2017 18:58

Can you 'reply to all' and say that it's not your leaving do as you don't work that day and say you'll arrange one yourself and let people know when?

This ^^

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 14/08/2017 18:59

Was it an email? I'd reply to all with a friendly email to the boss pretending it's a mistake and telling them when you are available.

Lucked · 14/08/2017 19:00

Yes reply to all. I would just say sorry I don't works Xsdays so can't attend.

Smallangryplanet · 14/08/2017 19:01

Your boss arranging your leaving lunch on a non working day is rubbish, I can see why you are leaving. I would speak to your colleague, arrange a more suitable date and reply all. I'd then copy the email to HR as part of an exit interview. Your thankfully soon to be ex-boss sounds like a massive arse.

CoughLaughFart · 14/08/2017 19:04

This isn't related to any grievance against your boss. Keep that separate - and unfortunately, don't be surprised if it's ignored because you're leaving.

However, as others have said, there's nothing wrong with a group email telling everyone there's been a mistake with the dates and that your leaving do is on date X.

Original poster
JulietNeverMetRomeo · 14/08/2017 19:06

I'm not on a day off as I'm working somewhere else that day. Even if I wasn't working I wouldn't travel in for a lunch leaving do as I live a distance from work. Unfortunately it wasn't an email it was a calendar invite. I think I will email those on the distribution list and tell them I can't make that day. I don't think I will try to organise another as it's ruined it for me, I feel it's spiteful of my boss.

OP posts:
CrazyOldBagLady · 14/08/2017 19:07

I don't understand why your boss is involved in your leaving do at all, I;ve not seen this before. Just organise something yourself with or without the other leaver.

Original poster
JulietNeverMetRomeo · 14/08/2017 19:08

Me neither, another reason I'm leaving is the micro management. It was just meant to be a lunch in the office and now they are sending out invites when I can't make it.

OP posts:
MrsHathaway · 14/08/2017 19:09

Verbally on the day?! Making it look like you flaked at the last minute? Fuck that.

This boss really can't acknowledge mistakes, huh? You're well shot.

How small is work/department? At my old work a leaving do would have been a few dozen people. I'm wondering bluntly how many will be there for you, how many for Colleague, and how many for both? I think you need to get Colleague to do a reply-all and say in a cheerful way "er I think you mean the Wednesday because Juliet doesn't work on Tuesdays" and then you reply-all and say "yes, Wednesday 13th. I'm going to bring cheese scones and red onion marmalade".

Original poster
JulietNeverMetRomeo · 14/08/2017 19:12

Most people would be motivated by food. Unfortunately the dates are so close that it would be one followed by another.

OP posts:
MrsHathaway · 14/08/2017 19:12

Oh I see, crossed with yours. Then colleague says "because Juliet will of course be at that day".

When you send a (presumably Outlook) invitation it tells you which invitees are already marked unavailable. Grrr.

Mehfruittea · 14/08/2017 19:13

In the calendar invite at the top you can send a message to all those invited. From memory it's the same option to forward the invite or message all receipients.

Original poster
JulietNeverMetRomeo · 14/08/2017 19:14

I think I feel like it's the last straw tbh. This is mean spirited but totally in keeping with the personality this person has. I also find it weird they are organising this.... Don't they have anything better to do?

OP posts:
Original poster
JulietNeverMetRomeo · 14/08/2017 19:15

My boss knew I was unavailable that day as we discussed it.

OP posts:
LilaBard · 14/08/2017 19:17

My old boss did this. Not only on a day I didn't work but on the day after I had actually left, so technically the first say of the week off I was having between jobs. If I didn't have to rely on him for future references I'd have told him to stick it.

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/08/2017 19:18

What an idiot. Go on to better things and congratulate yourself for getting out.

topcat2014 · 14/08/2017 19:19

If a manager hasn't even got a handle on when their folk work, then that is beyond shite speaking as a manager btw.

Good luck in your new job - well rid..

notevernotnevernotnohow · 14/08/2017 19:21

Can you 'reply to all' and say that it's not your leaving do as you don't work that day and say you'll arrange one yourself and let people know when

I would include in it that "bizarrely X arranged my leaving do despite knowing that I would be working elsewhere that day". You're leaving anyway, so why give a shit about covering for their crap?

Jaxhog · 14/08/2017 19:23

Pretty insensitive of him/her. I'd send your own note saying that as you can't make that day, your leaving do will be on [day of choice] at [location of choice].

timeisnotaline · 14/08/2017 19:27

Ideally colleague would agree a day with you and you could send your own invitations with a note that it replaces the other one. And neither of you go.

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