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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is BU, me or dp?

77 replies

Ownerofalittlechimp · 14/08/2017 18:20

Very boring so apologies in advance.

Dp drinks only coffee at home, about 6 cups a day, very strong so easily goes through a jar a week sometimes more. He also only likes nice coffee so won't have own brand, Nescafé etc has to be one of the expensive ones.

As we don't have a huge food budget (family of 4, inc formula & nappies) I try to get one he likes when they are on offer (usually buy a few to stock up). I've tried various brands in the past & if he doesn't like something I've got I take it to work & get something else.

Recently found a very nice top end supermarket one, bought some to try & dp liked it. Same one happens to have been on offer a few times so he's been drinking it for 6 weeks or so quite happily with no complaints. I always decant from jars to coffee tin so he normally doesn't see the jar it's come from. Hadn't filled yet today so when he made a coffee he grabbed a jar from the cupboard & has now had a hissy fit on seeing it's an own brand. I pointed out it's the one he's been drinking for weeks without comment but now he's seen the jar it's "shit" & he only has one luxury (not true) so why am I buying him shit coffee.

He thinks I'm buying the cheapest available (again not true) & doing home out of his "only luxury".

I've pointed out that buying only the named stuff (particularly if not on offer as is often the case) would take up a significant chunk of the budget (& I'd have to cut back elsewhere) but this doesn't make a difference apparently as I'm just being unreasonable.

My view is that I make the effort to find coffee he likes (I'd never make him drink something he didn't like the taste of to save money) & that I can fit into the budget. I also think he's more focused on the name & is now only deciding he doesn't like it because he's seen the jar. If I'd decanted it into a branded jar he wouldn't have noticed.

I know it's silly & petty but I need an outside perspective. Dp is now in a mood with me, barely speaking to me & has just left without saying a word to me.

So who is bu?

OP posts:
Jaxhog · 14/08/2017 19:19

Buy his coffee for the next week, but don't give him any breakfast. Tell him you can no longer afford to buy good coffee AND breakfast. Which would he prefer?

Jaxhog · 14/08/2017 19:20

Or just decant the cheap coffee into a good coffee jar. He clearly can't tell the difference.

Katedotness1963 · 14/08/2017 19:23

He enjoyed it for weeks till he saw the packaging? I think it's obvious who's being unreasonable...

Ilovetolurk · 14/08/2017 19:29

By a new jar of posh then go back to decanting

I do this with hp sauce the deception has been going on for months

Queenioqueenio · 14/08/2017 19:30

He's having an adult equivalent of a tantrum about this - point this out to him. It's very childish.
He needs to increase the food budget by the extra sum to fund his luxury coffee, or you reduce his part of the food budget to fund it.

EggysMom · 14/08/2017 19:31

Find a friend or work colleague who does drink the coffee that he likes. Ask for a cast-off jar or can. Decant the own-brand granules into that jar.

TheNaze73 · 14/08/2017 19:36

Give him some Mellow Birds, he'll love that Wink

TeachesOfPeaches · 14/08/2017 19:41

I don't think you can be fussy over instant coffee - it's all equally shit.

Original poster
Ownerofalittlechimp · 14/08/2017 20:07

Genghi I don't think I've lied to him, I did say in my op we'd tried it previously & he liked it. I don't tell him every time I buy coffee which brand it is mainly because I don't remember too, he doesn't ask & I buy several different brands dependent on what is on offer when I'm buying. So he doesn't have one set brand of coffee, it's several (6+ I think)

OP posts:
nocake · 14/08/2017 20:44

He's a twat...

...because he thinks instant coffee is good. It's rubbish.

GinIsIn · 14/08/2017 20:50

All instant coffee is shut coffee though!

GinIsIn · 14/08/2017 20:50

Shit coffee even!

notevernotnevernotnohow · 14/08/2017 20:53

He's like a toddler having a tantrum because his milkies are in a blue cup and not a yelllow cup!

He liked the coffee for weeks on end. He said he liked the coffee. Now he doesn't like it because he saw that label?

agentdaisy · 14/08/2017 21:01

He's behaving like a child throwing a tantrum. Fair enough if he'd previously said he didn't like it but to drink it for 6 weeks and like it until he saw the jar is ridiculous.

He reminds me of a friend's ds who "only likes Heinz ketchup" yet happily ate own brand when my friend decanted it into an empty Heinz bottle. He threw a right strop when he saw her doing it and refused to believe its what he'd been having for months. At least he had the excuse of being a stroppy teenager and not a grown man.

There are some things that I only like the branded version of - - like Nutella--, despite trying the own brand/cheaper versions, so I'll only buy then when they on offer and either go without or make do with the cheaper version if I need to. It's called being an adult with a budget.

If you're finances are set up so you each have your own spends then tell him he can buy his own expensive coffee or go without because you and your dcs aren't going without something you need, like food, just so he can have his expensive coffee. If you don't have your own spends then he can either drink the coffee he's been perfectly fine with for weeks or he can go without if the others aren't on offer.

McPie · 14/08/2017 21:39

Back in his younger days my dad used to work in a place that roasted coffee and he told me about a guy with a van full of different brands of coffee and when he said you must have been busy making all those different types he laughed and told him they were all the same coffee! So there is every chance the stuff he has been drinking for the last 6 weeks IS the same as his "favourite" one!

Urubu · 14/08/2017 21:58

He is BVVU!
I would love for DH to find cheap alternatives to all my expensive branded treats!!

NoSquirrels · 14/08/2017 22:09

Eh, life's too short. I completely agree he's being a total brand snob bellend - over INSTANT coffee, no less, which is all totally shite - but I'd just bloody humour him for the next jar & then go back to doing whatever you please and decanting into spare jars or canister. Don't waste energy on his stupidity!

Of course, if he's a sulky child about other stuff too, address that as it'll only get worse.

(Areopress gets my vote too, btw. It's brilliant & mess-free, which is usually people's objection to "proper" coffee. Time-wise is exactly the same as a cafetière or instant.)

MyPatronusIsAUnicorn · 14/08/2017 22:18

I want a coffee now!

What a dick.

Tell him he can sort his own sodding coffee in future but it comes out of his personal spending money seeing as it's his luxury and you aren't pandering to a child.

CheshireChat · 14/08/2017 22:29

Does he like Douwe Egbert? That's generally cheap at Farmfoods and Home Bargains and the like. £3-£4

He's being daft, btw.

Chattymummyhere · 14/08/2017 22:39

Instant coffe is instant coffe really.

DE if you have a qd is often only £2.50 for the big jars.

Just ask someone you know for their empty jar of "posh" coffee and decant into that then into the pot for a couple of weeks until he stops paying attention.

yummumto3girls · 14/08/2017 22:48

He is seriously not talking to you because of this! Shock

kingofthemingers · 14/08/2017 22:57

I love how precious he's being about INSTANT coffee.

Ginlovinglady · 14/08/2017 22:59

Literally no one has said
LTB
I'm disappointed
FYI he's sulking over coffee. Seriously childish.

Ginlovinglady · 14/08/2017 22:59

Fucking instant coffee at that!!!!! He's no taste at all

PinkMoony · 15/08/2017 08:28

How many luxuries do you buy for yourself out of the family shopping budget? Im guessing 0