Who is BU, me or dp?

[Ownerofalittlechimp]

Very boring so apologies in advance.

Dp drinks only coffee at home, about 6 cups a day, very strong so easily goes through a jar a week sometimes more. He also only likes nice coffee so won't have own brand, Nescafé etc has to be one of the expensive ones.

As we don't have a huge food budget (family of 4, inc formula & nappies) I try to get one he likes when they are on offer (usually buy a few to stock up). I've tried various brands in the past & if he doesn't like something I've got I take it to work & get something else.

Recently found a very nice top end supermarket one, bought some to try & dp liked it. Same one happens to have been on offer a few times so he's been drinking it for 6 weeks or so quite happily with no complaints. I always decant from jars to coffee tin so he normally doesn't see the jar it's come from. Hadn't filled yet today so when he made a coffee he grabbed a jar from the cupboard & has now had a hissy fit on seeing it's an own brand. I pointed out it's the one he's been drinking for weeks without comment but now he's seen the jar it's "shit" & he only has one luxury (not true) so why am I buying him shit coffee.

He thinks I'm buying the cheapest available (again not true) & doing home out of his "only luxury".

I've pointed out that buying only the named stuff (particularly if not on offer as is often the case) would take up a significant chunk of the budget (& I'd have to cut back elsewhere) but this doesn't make a difference apparently as I'm just being unreasonable.

My view is that I make the effort to find coffee he likes (I'd never make him drink something he didn't like the taste of to save money) & that I can fit into the budget. I also think he's more focused on the name & is now only deciding he doesn't like it because he's seen the jar. If I'd decanted it into a branded jar he wouldn't have noticed.

I know it's silly & petty but I need an outside perspective. Dp is now in a mood with me, barely speaking to me & has just left without saying a word to me.

So who is bu?

He's acting like a spoilt fuckwit. I would tell him that from now on he is responsible for buying his own damn coffee.

He's being ridiculous if he only complained after he'd seen the jar, what an idiot!

My mum used to do the same with own brand cereal for my brother, when he was about 8!!??

Your DH is an adult ffs if he's drank it happily then it's obviously fine, tell him to buy his own coffee from now on

Crowdo

Let him have the coffee he likes.

The point is, he does like this coffee, he's only having a hissy because it's tend out he likes a supermarket pen brand!

Bellend!

Oh.... the "Bellend" was aimed at OPs DH, not you Crowdo!

Go though the shopping budget/list together. Show him why it's hard for him to always have expensive brands of coffee.

He's being a spoilt brat

He liked the taste for the last six weeks, he's objecting solely because its not a named brand. You've never "made" him drink coffee he doesn't like the taste of

He needs to grow the fuck up

We've got a coffee machine (pod one) but he says the pods are expensive (Again I only bought when on offer) & it takes up too much counter space so is currently sat unused in the cupboard even though we have pods.

He does like ground coffee but not the effort required for as many cups a day as he has so will only make it rarerly.

I've no issue with including it in the food budget & it's not only his (if we have guests or if I have a rare cup).

I'm mainly annoyed at his brand snobbishness (not even sure that's a word) & the fact he's been drinking it happily for weeks. If he's said he didn't like it when I first got it then I'd never have got it again. He's only changed his tune because he's seen the jar.

Apparently his request is ok because I have the tea I like (bought on offer if available or buy an alternative)

I was going to say let him buy his own bloody coffee but that only works if it doesn't come out of your normal budget

My dad caught me tipping supermarket own brand into the post tin when I was about 14, my mum always did it but was stealthy and I got us all caught out

Gosh how old is he?!
He's definitely being U. Is he going through a stressful time? Maybe he's actually annoyed at something else and this just got him wound up?

No instant coffee is nice. Making a cafetière only takes the same time as instant. He has no idea what he's talking about.

This pod things are just being wasted. Get it out, use them up, then sell it online to find his instant coffee habit.

But YANBU. He said he liked the coffee. You weren't tricking him. You buy it the same way you do your tea.

Well, it's very easily solved- don't buy coffee! If he wants it, he can buy the stuff himself.

As cardibach says, making a cafetière of coffee takes the same time as a cup of instant

I consider myself to be a coffee snob (sorry) and one of the best ground coffees I've tried is from Lidl.

Seems a bit of an overreaction over coffee. What other luxuries does he have?

I'd carry on buying the coffee you were and decant that into his fancy coffee jar before putting into the coffee storage pot.

Do you have personal money each month to spend on what you like? He could always buy his own coffee?

What coffee is it that absolutely must have?

I would carry on buying his expensive coffee but would stop buying food for him. Tell him that because he has expensive tastes then you cant afford to buy him food.

Have you gone over a budget with him?

He does like ground coffee but not the effort required for as many cups a day as he has so will only make it rarely

Aeropress filter coffee maker, takes exactly the same time to make real coffee as instant: www.amazon.co.uk/d/Coffee-Tea-Espresso/Aerobie-AeroPress-80R11-Maker/B000GXZ2GS?tag=mumsnetforum-21

Oh dear, he has thrown his toys out the the playpen. YANBU!

He needs to go on 'Eat well for less'.

People who only like food/drinks because they are a brand annoy me. Most of the cheap stuff is made by the same people who make the expensive stuff.

Honestly... Tell him he's not very bright, only bloody idiots would fall for brand marketing

He IBU, extremely selfish and his reaction is very childish. Go through the budget together so he knows why his expensive coffee habit isn't really affordable.

He's effectively taking food out of his DCs mouths to fund his selfish whim and causing you stress in balancing the budget.

Make him watch Eat Well for Less on a loop until he agrees that he's been taken in by marketing with all the others who couldn't tell whether their brand had been swapped when they couldn't see the label.

He's in a mood with you over coffee? Is he like that over other stuff? Tell him he's not 5!

It's probably not the brand, more than you lied to him instead of trying to convince him. Do you do that a lot?

I love my coffee too & would be really pissed off if my DP swapped it out for a cheaper option without running it past me.

Very childish behaviour, and shows he cares more about the label than the actual coffee. And to actually be not speaking to you over it is a massive over reaction.

You're not being unreasonable at all so leave him to it and let him have his strop without concerning yourself - maybe have a nice pamper night with the peace!

When you do speak, tell him that, as you know he actually likes this coffee, if he wants to buy luxury coffee "just because" then it shouldn't come out of the food shopping budget. He should buy it himself out of his disposable income.